14 Reviews
Sort by:
Filter by Rating:
Blackhat (2015)
1/10
Michael Mann, retire please
26 March 2015
Mann directed this self-produced embarrassment that no intelligent human being can watch for more than 10 minutes because he couldn't afford a director. He produced it himself because no one else would give him a job. Nor could he afford any decent actors or a decent script. He still managed to spend $70 million on this trash that only made a tenth of that at the box office.

I mean casting a dumb jock as a hacker and filling up the rest of the cast with Asian extras, what was he thinking? What kind of hacker needs so many gunfights to do his job? Making money with a movie about something as geeky as hacking is almost impossible. Geeks are the guys you give wedgies to, not watch movies about. Passing off a jock as a geek? Well the Wachowskis did it with Matrix but Michael Mann, you are too old to succeed at such sideways thinking.

Michael Mann, you are way past your use-by date. You should have taken your winnings after Collateral and retired.
4 out of 10 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Cymbeline (2014)
1/10
Vapid pretentious tripe
13 March 2015
Playing Shakespeare with various NY accents is like playing Moliere with "Allo Allo" accents. It's just crap. The original Shakespeare, performed at the Globe in London, is a lot like Irish English. It is nothing like the squawky dialects of the colonies. Words like "Thou took'st a beggar; wouldst have made my throne a seat for baseness" sound credible in either the original Early Modern English or in standard Oxford English but in Bronxese, Jerseyese, or Manhattenese they sound simply like ludicrous crap.

If that weren't enough the whole production with its pretentious, foreboding, ponderous atmosphere utterly lacks continuity and energy. It's just a sequence of meaningless lines uttered in incongruous settings by talented people whose desperate attempts to breathe life into this corpse of a movie are more cringeworthy than praiseworthy. Talent ceases to be talent when expended so pointlessly.
74 out of 119 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
The Fall (I) (2013–2016)
5/10
The only thing falling was the show's ratings
4 March 2015
The Fall lost 1.2 million viewers in its 2nd season at the beeb and for good reason. The show degenerated into a pathos of utterly improbable police incompetence, emanating mostly from the supposedly hot-shot chief inspector played by Gillian Anderson, whose entire function appeared to be to watch interminable surveillance and evidence videos while arching her brow and heaving soft sighs, in between wardrobe changes in the washroom where we could get a good look at her cleavage and assess the quality of her latest boob job.

Cops swarmed around the perp but lost track of him constantly, failed to locate any evidence, sent armies to tail him but never once thought of putting a camera in his house, held countless meetings where everyone would moronically stare at a screen displaying the waveform of a voice recording (because if they had recorded video they would have caught him in the 1st season), yet failed to make even a positive voice match when they finally nabbed the guy.

As the show ran out of steam in its second season, clumsily-inserted vignettes began to appear about Ulster loyalist former-terrorist-turned-gangsters and pedophile Catholic priests. An Ulster loyalist gangster with apparent patronage in high places terrorized the police, the lamentable story of the island's Catholic orphanages was alluded to, and a pedophile priest was put on display, but all of it sanitized and depoliticized to the point of WTF irrelevance.

Predictably, more people watched Masterchef than did the show's finale on the BBC, which drew even with a documentary on Apple.
35 out of 52 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Winter Sleep (2014)
6/10
Nuri Bilge's best "kilim"
21 January 2015
This is an interesting but not captivating movie, at least not if you're a Turk for whom Nuri Bilge's stories are a tad too mundane and his settings a tad too touristic. On the other hand what's not to like about a Palme d'Or film when Turks have so little to be proud of these days? Still, Nuri Bilge never fails to irritate me with his settings out of Turkey travel brochures and this is no exception. That's the main reason why I call this film a "kilim." A kilim is a poor man's Turkish carpet that tourists love but Turks look down on. When a filmmaker fills his work with tourist-trap "local color" we say in Turkey that he has made a kilim, not a film. However Nuri Bilge has made far tackier kilims; this is certainly his best one.

The setting is the more obvious kilim feature, whereas the tiny figures barely moving on its chilly whiteness are what is supposed to be the mystery that binds the viewer. These weird Chekovian characters on the fringes of life, hibernating in that ancient land of outcasts and refugees that is Cappadocia, are no doubt intriguing for foreigners but for Turks they are the people next door. If not for all Turks, at least for the circle of urban pseudointellectuals among whom Nuri Bilge used to cruise before he started jet-setting big time.

The menagerie of characters that he displays in this tourist-trap landscape are what make this kilim's patterns more subtle than the usual Nuri Bilge wares. But like any kilim, they are far more interesting for foreigners than to Turks. That's why for a Turk, watching this kilim is like sitting in front of the window. If you do that for 2.5 hours, you can't be blamed for dozing off every now and then, as I did.
12 out of 24 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
The Interview (II) (2014)
10/10
They hate us cause they ain't us
25 December 2014
Interesting, all those "hated it" reviews for a movie that's pushing 10. I have to say I loved it and I'll watch it again. I'll go further: It's both a cult movie, a classic, and a blockbuster.

Half the fun I had was watching how Seth pushed all the right cash register buttons throughout the movie, true to the line he has James Franco repeating over and over: "That's what the people want, give us some sh*t." The "people" in question are of course the young adults that provide the biggest chunk of the US box office, immediately followed by senior citizens. Seth opted to go all-out for the former at the risk of utterly shocking and antagonizing the latter: Profanity, gore, explosions, hot chicks with machine guns, not a single young adult "ka-ching" button goes unpushed, but the way Seth does it is pure genius.

The movie doesn't have a serious bone in its body but at the same time, for those who want to look, it's a dead-serious treatise on how to exploit the American psyche. Seth exploits the US audience to the hilt with all the Kim-bashing, the anal jokes, etc., but at the same time shows us exactly what he's doing. Franco's character is initially nothing but a sleazy celebrity reality TV host who giddily thrives on exploiting the depravity of both his voyeuristic audience and the exhibitionist celebrities he interviews, while Rogen's character has pangs of conscience about what he's doing, but does it nevertheless.

It's a movie that functions on many levels, and like a computer game, the level you reach may vary. The "hated it" reviews got stuck on the anal jokes (but are too repressed to admit it) before even finishing level 1. At about level 4 or so you, after you get past all the rip-roaring slapstick, soft sex, and schmaltzy male bonding (between Kim and Dave) you see all the self-referential thoughtful stuff, and it's this self-awareness so prominently displayed as Seth clowns around that I enjoyed the most.
28 out of 53 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Even the Rain (2010)
10/10
Blew my socks off
16 December 2014
Warning: Spoilers
In a nutshell, this is Novocento 2.0. However unlike Bertolucci's story of downtrodden Italian peasants whose fate doesn't change no matter how bravely they struggle against their oppressors, this story that weaves Columbus's rape of the indigenous peoples of America with the bloody repression against the 2000 Cochabamba water riots ends in victory as the multinationals Bechtel and Suez are forced to take their greedy hands off of Bolivia's water. That was of course followed by the crowning victory of Evo Morales's presidency, Morales being one of the leaders of the Cochabamba rebellion.

This is an epic film worthy of all the people who collaborated in it and devoted their lives to telling the stories of the oppressed and exploited. One might say it is their collective masterpiece and that its director the beautiful Iciar Bollain is their spiritual child, the embodiment of their collective dream.

The film is as much about the American aborigines of the 16th century as about the unsubdued Ayamara Indians of Bolivia and the transformation that the left-leaning intellectual film crew and their hard-headed capitalist producer go through in the vortex of the social upheaval into which they inadvertently wander for no better reason than the availability of dirt-cheap extras.

It is interesting that the only one in the film crew who comes out of it all with shining colors is the producer, who unlike the others whose lives are rooted in abstractions, has always lived firmly rooted in material reality. Luis Tosar plays the apparently conscience-free producer's profound moral transformation with gripping intensity.

The real star of the film isn't as you would expect Gael Garcia Bernal, who plays the director of the Columbus movie, but Juan Carlos Aduviri, who landed the part of Daniel, the leader of the Cochabamba rebellion, as fortuitously as he does the part of the aborigine leader Atuey in the movie-within-a-movie about Columbus.

Ms.Bollain's steady hand on the helm and crystal-clear vision is felt throughout the film. For some reason she hasn't directed anything since. If you ask me, she doesn't have to.
2 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Gone Girl (2014)
8/10
A film that crowns David Fincher as the Dark Lord
12 December 2014
Warning: Spoilers
David Fincher continues his studies in human deviousness with this masterfully crafted Machiavellian film. His choice of Rosamund Pike is particularly brilliant because it allows her to get her big break and be launched into the high orbit of potential Oscar winners with no more effort than gaining and losing weight. Her messed-up personal life provides her with more than enough material to flesh out her Amy Dunne character, just like Winona Ryder's did in Turks & Caicos.

Pike's slightly haggard face and frightened, borderline paranoid eyes are perfect for Amazing Amy but don't quite convince when supposedly bringing a hot hunk like Nick Dunne (Affleck) under their spell. So we are offered instead a whirlwind of clever verbal foreplay to suggest that Nick falls for Amy's mind more than her body. However since Nick has to be somewhat of a sex addict to have the misadventures he is about to have, they have a lot of unconvincing sex. Somehow, one never quite believes that Amy actually enjoys it. She is just too clever and sassy when she should be incoherent. {SPOILER}As it turns out, she doesn't and it is entirely in role for Nick, whose penis does occupy a rather excessive part of his brain, not to notice.{/SPOILER}

Then we are introduced to the delightful Tyler Perry, whose black humor lifts up the somewhat depressing atmosphere. Made a mental note to see more of that guy's movies.

The second half of the movie reveals the villain's breathtaking, meticulous, Machiavellian deviousness. Not much more can be said without giving it away but that it's really fun to watch.

At the end of it all of course no one is left unblackened except poor and crushed Margo, as befits Fincher's vision of a humanity beyond hope. {SPOILER}However,that's where the plot weakens because it would have been child's play to nail the villain at the end by simply installing a few cameras in the victim's house, where the villain confesses all.{/SPOILER}
0 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
4/10
Probably won't see much of Cage after this flop
6 December 2014
This isn't a spy movie it's a disaster movie and the disaster is the movie. The only high points are when the no longer remotely sexy but nevertheless intelligent and interesting Irène Jacob appears. It makes you realize that there is a woman who has Helen Mirren or Charlotte Rampling potential (that's the interesting part). Some may object that Mirren and Rampling are still hot. Then Jacob is definitely your gal. Me, I enjoy their conversation, not their decrepitude.

Anton Yelchin is totally miscast and his part is a train wreck. First he's a nerdy eager beaver goody two shoes then he suddenly becomes a totally unconvincing cold Rambo killer, except when he has to physically engage the bad guy, at which point he reverts to the nerdy 70-pound weakling. His mousy baby face is suited to neither of those roles and he doesn't manage to pull off the innocent-looking tough guy act; in fact it seems never to have occurred to him to try.

As for Nick Cage, he takes his usual gawky, brooding, bipolar demeanor to its logical conclusion and totally loses it, both as the character he plays and the way he plays him. He is all over the place.

The movie as a whole has a Walmart look, as if the producers anticipated that it would bomb and cut costs to the bone. No doubt that's why it is located in, or rather outsourced to, Romania.

The rest of the cast and the thin, thin plot of the movie, the less said the better off we are all.
42 out of 79 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Snowpiercer (2013)
3/10
A train to the end of intelligence
2 July 2014
Other reviewers have outlined in detail the harebrained silliness of the plot and for anyone who has seen the Belgian-French comics it was derived from, no surprise there. The whole story is slapped together manga-style without a thought in the world for logic, plausibility, consistency, character depth, or anything else besides creating cinemascope tableaux (far too grand a word actually) from the original hand-drawn black&white comics.

Promoting the 9th art (comics) to 7th has the reverse effect of demoting the 5th art (literature) to cinema (7th). Whereas making films from books makes cinema more intelligent, making them from comics makes it less so. That's why we end up with train-wrecks like this one, where nothing makes sense and there isn't a single real person in the whole movie, just comic book characters.

However, that seems to suit the vast majority of viewers just fine. Zombies aren't fiction, they are real and filling up the movie theaters. Here's how to spot them: Show them a shot of a train several miles long zooming at breakneck speed over a snow-and-ice-covered railroad bridge whose steel is not only way past the brittle fracture point due to the extreme cold but also hasn't seen any maintenance for decades. If their reaction is "Oh my god that train is going to crash," they still have functioning brains. If it's "Wow cool man," they are zombies.

If you do have a working set of cerebral neurons, you can't watch these post-apocalyptic manga-movies with any pleasure no matter how well-designed and shot the sets are because your mind is constantly reminding you how silly and pretentious it all is. Because the worst part of it, of course, is that these movies take themselves SERIOUSLY. But for the zombies, the harebrained pop philosophy in these movies (pop Marxism, pop Malthusianism, etc.) gives all the violence, gore, and caricatural goings-on they came to see just that touch of class that allows them to imagine that they have watched a work of art.
37 out of 73 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Transcendence (I) (2014)
5/10
I honestly prefer to watch a rerun of Eureka
1 July 2014
Warning: Spoilers
If you're going to write a plot full of holes and insult our intelligence at practically every scene, then at least make it goofy like Eureka.

Get this: A hyper-omniscient cyberintelligence with its nanites dispersed in practically every molecule of the soil and air has no idea that the FBI is holed up next door digging a tunnel for an attack.

The nanites are smart enough to jump out of the soil to overcome attackers or repair injured defenders, but not to sense the army of Blackwater dudes a stone's throw away and the howitzer that they brought along (A single howitzer? Even Somali gangs are better armed).

The nanites finally chew up all the guns and vehicles but only AFTER sitting back and allowing them to fill the leady lady with shrapnel.

None of the scifi stuff is original. We've seen it all before and they probably bought most of the 3D animation at a discount from previous scifi productions. There isn't a single wow effect. No big production value scene to show, say, the cyberintelligence instantly penetrating all the online IT systems of the planet.

And why, pray tell, does this megabrain that controls the entire planet's IT ONLY turn the meager population of the local hamlet into cyborgs? Why not turn millions of people into robots? And what about our lead dying peacefully in his sleep from polonium poisoning? Probably the most horrific form of radiation poisoning there is and Johnny boy makes it look like a touch of flu.

They did lots of dumb stuff like that on Eureka or Dr. Who too but at least they didn't insult our intelligence by taking themselves seriously, least of all by trying to push their two-bit reader's digest philosophy on us.
0 out of 2 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Headhunters (2011)
9/10
Superbly written, directed, shot, and acted
29 June 2014
No fancy Tony Scott editing or post-production, no massive explosions, no air-land-sea chases with M-60's and RPG's blazing away, in fact none of the gimmicks we're accustomed to from writer-block- and teenage-viewer-afflicted Hollywood.

What we have instead is a diabolically-well-written thriller and a script that squeezes it for every last ounce of suspense, shock, surprise, and towards the end, even empathy. The protagonists turn out to be completely different and much nicer people than we thought they were (except the ones we thought were nice, in which case they turn out bad).

The high-tech criminality isn't the silly Hollywood version with chrome-plated gizmos flashing brightly-colored LEDs instead of LCDs (not infantile enough), all controlled by people who do graphics and 3D with only a keyboard. The tech here is low-key and entirely real, but no less intrusively threatening (in an NSA-big-brother-black-ops way).

We even get a couple of good automatic-weapon gunfights - good because they are short, destructive and end quickly with someone getting fatally shot, as in real life. Not like Hollywood gunfights that go on for half an hour where supposedly crack shots empty clip after clip without anyone getting hit.

In the end Roger Brown scores one for petty criminal yuppie pricks and an even bigger one against Hollywood's action-movie hegemony. Turns out American action movies are to Nordic action flicks what American cars are to German ones.
4 out of 7 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
Venus in Fur (2013)
9/10
Alchemy
21 April 2014
Polansky has turned a shoestring-budget production shot in a single location with just 2 second-rate actors (one of whom is the director's wife) and a skeleton crew into a timeless masterpiece.

Lars von Trier should watch this and learn how a theatrical drama shot on a small stage with nothing more than stage lights and a bit of fog can become a feast for the eyes. Before I watched this film I liked von Trier more than Polansky. Not any more. I just watched it a second time and am still mentally savoring the delicacy and artistry in every single shot, the painterly lighting, the fascinating expressions that Polansky got out of his missus, and the beautiful exterior tracking shots at the beginning and end of the film.

The mystery of who exactly Wanda is keeps getting bigger until it reaches deific proportions, but not in the post-Victorian, anemic sense of the word. In Latin, Venus and venerari (worship) come from the same root, which means sexual lust as well as religious worship. And that's exactly what Bacchanalia are - heavenly and earthly at the same time. See the movie and you'll understand.

Needless to say, as Wanda's character shines, Thomas keeps getting tinier. In fact he's little more than a prop for Wanda in the whole movie, which is of course the idea, but it could have been done better. I suppose if Mathieu Amalric is as far as your budget goes, his effort in this movie is still more than your money's worth.

Finally, I thank and congratulate Polansky for conjuring this little marvel at such an unexpected point of his career and during such a seemingly endless doldrums for movies in general. I suspect that Mrs. Seigner has more to do with this little alchemist's jewel than just acting in it and that Thomas has more than a little Roman in him. If indeed Roman's Venus is the muse behind it all, then maybe it's time for Mrs. Polansky to get off her ass and start directing.
32 out of 44 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
10/10
Poetry and art
16 December 2013
Warning: Spoilers
A lot of people have compared this film to Fellini. Fellini's films are three-ring circuses with a constant procession of freaks whose burlesque often serves to distract us from the director's rough-hewn style, the bad lighting, the cheesy décors, and the thin dialog. Fellini was at his best shooting circus people in available light in La Strada.

Sorrentino is the anti-Fellini. He has cast a midget in his film not so much as a tribute than as an indictment of Fellini. His midget isn't a Fellinian freak but a complex, interesting woman who has to constantly remind us of her size because we fail to notice it, absorbed by her intense face.

Sorrentino's film is crafted to perfection, totally devoid of cheap gimmicks, a visual, musical, and literary feast in every scene, right down to the rabbit stew the cardinal so passionately describes. It's a last, lingering gaze at the beauty and art in the world that is being inexorably submerged by schlock and superficiality.

The protagonist, a writer who has nothing left to say - or rather who would like to write about nothing if he could figure out how - can only wryly observe what is happening, powerless even to stop himself from participating in the desecration, as when he acts out his cynical funereal etiquette to the letter.
2 out of 8 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
It's not a movie, it's an opinion poll
23 December 2012
This parody of a scifi movie directed by a guy who hasn't directed a single good movie in his life (unless you think Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies should have gotten an Oscar nomination) and written by a guy whose previous supreme achievement was a few bad episodes of Star Trek. There's no script, no acting, no directing, no photography, no production, nothing that would make this worthy of being called a movie. What it is is an opinion poll that gives us a very revealing and depressing picture of how shallow the average scifi movie spectator has become.

Today you couldn't drag the average scifi spectator to 2001 Space Odyssey or Tarkovsky's Solaris with wild horses but they'll all rave over how "deep" Matrix and Cloud Atlas are. If you're a fan of the Wachowski Bros circus, you're gonna love this. It's right up your very short, tacky, and boring alley. It's deep like the deep end of the kiddie pool, which is apparently about as deep as 80% of scifi fans can handle nowadays.

If someone had really lived for 10,000 years trust me, he wouldn't say anything that we in our present state of intellectual decrepitude could understand. Mankind has watched the idiot box for over 50 years and Hollywood dreck for even longer. That's more than enough to turn us all into the living brain-dead. Ever so often something as monumentally stupid as this movie will come up and garner 8 stars to remind us of our mental zombie-tude.
10 out of 20 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed