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Reviews
The Transporter Refueled (2015)
Absolute Crap
Yep it is terrible. In future if you want to reboot a movie franchise, please do so without enticing me to the cinema. The stunts are awful, the fight scenes are trying to recreate Stathamness and everything appears to have been done on a miniscule budget without any thought for consequence, what the audience thinks or sees, or without any due regard for linear time.......
Do not bother with it. Ed Skrein or whatever his name is, is just not Statham, I don't like Statham, but he is a far better actor than Skrein.
I am now forced to write additional lines because I am not allowed to write a review less than ten lines, about a film which does not deserve ten lines of my time or space on the internet. How it managed 53% on Rotten tomatoes is beyond me
Chappie (2015)
Awful
Don't bother. Watch Short Circuit instead. The plot is so thin you can see whats about to happen through the sheet, the subtitles are a joke, Chappie is annoying, The fight scenes aren't representative of anything resembling reality, I could not spot the oppression at all and there was only one character who seemed to think that giving life to a robot was a bad idea.
There is never any doubt over who will and will not survive, the premise of copying someone's soul is horrendous (16 PS4's or a normal memory stick.......)
Was dull, boring and ultimately I hated it
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Awesome on a scale rarely seen
Why anyone is being overly critical of this film is truly beyond me.
This is a representation of everything that is right with film making for the masses.
It is funny, action packed, full of special effects, and while it doesn't sometimes follow the laws of physics, and lacks a little continuity, it packs an awesome punch.
SOme people are never happy unless they get an art house film. This is not the new James Bond, this is not a Comedy, it is a rip roaring action film with lots to like.
The simple fact is that if you weren't a fan of the humor in Kick Ass then you will likely not like this film.
Stop poo pooing films that weren't meant to provide the things you were looking for, and start to enjoy them for what they are.
There are some stand out one liners, and I have not seen action sequences like this since the Matrix opened my eyes nearly twenty years ago.
Colin Firth is awesomeness personified and the woman with the sword legs is the best baddie to pop up in ages :-)
Go and see it, you won't be disappointed unless you have a heart of stone, no sense of humour and set out not to like it in the first place.
Hercules (2014)
Aweaome
I am not a huge fan of Dwane (I look like I take steroids and have a little head) Johnson, HOWEVER, i am now going to have to admit that he can act, and that he is entertaining lol.
I honestly didn't look at what this film was about, and assumed (to my eventual pleasure) it was about the actual legend of Hercules.
Wow how wrong can I be, it was about the legend, but how, in essence, it was a huge fabrication designed to intimidate and strike fear in the enemy. Even at the end you aren't quite sure if he really is a demi god. That said, lol, he can pick up a horse and slam it down on its back, and rip the jaws of a wolf apart with his bare hands
This film, simply put, is awesome. Awesome, there I said it, I hate myself for loving it, but it really is that good. I cannot think of a single bad thing to say about it. You may see it and hate it, but genuinely I loved it. It has everything that an entertaining blockbuster action film should have - bad guys, swords, fire, explosions, monsters, fisticuffs, disaster, comedy, action and abundant special effects. The storyline works and the bad guys are awesome.
5 out of ground rocking, herculean 5. Watch out for them chanting Hercules like they do in the cartoon
Devil's Due (2014)
Truly Terrible with no redeeming bits at all
There isn't one single positive thing I can say about this film. Even the title is wrong. Technically after seeing the end it should be 'Devils' Due' or 'smoking piece of rubbish'.
This is a clear rip off of either Rosemaries' baby or the other one that I cant remember the name of at the moment.
Honestly this film is dire, it is not worth your time, it is most definitely not scary,and is the single most pointless piece of manure I have seen since Only God forgives.
Things wrong with the film in no particular order are:
- Trusting a complete stranger when he says he will take you somewhere outside of the city when you don't want to go - Standing in front of an air grate and not noticing a video camera, but managing to see some dirt that wasn't there before - Seeing something dodgy on a USB stick,leaving it in the computer and running off to find a friend then being shocked when on your return it has vanished - Police apparently not using DNA at a murder scene - Murdered Teenagers who have captured their own death on film not being found during the entire couple of months between their death and the end of the film, nor their camera with the whole thing on it proving the guys innocence - Getting out of your car to ask what someone is doing stood outside of your house praying to Satan, rather than running them down first - Never checking what your dog is barking at (even I do that....) - Not thinking to question if your doctor is actually a doctor, even though he acts suspiciously and cant answer any questions - Using a wireless camera that has filmed the entire thing but then being unable to download the footage when the camera is stolen (I think it gets stolen, it isn't clear) - People in a supermarket not saying anything to a woman clearly off her trolley and scoffing raw steak without paying - I don't know of any security guard ever that would let that one go - Loads of video footage throughout the film that apparently isn't available to the police......... - Awful cinematography, even for a supposedly self filmed story arc
I am pretty sure there are loads more, but following my giving up the will to live when nothing happened at all in the first hour, I was pretty numb to the whole thing.
Oh yeah and one last thing, Rosemaries' baby was good, this is a word I'm apparently not allowed to say on this site.
Almost forgot, what's with the rip off of the Quake sign . . . . and why on earth did he research symbols he had never seen . . . . .
The Wolverine (2013)
Awful
You will all most likely disagree with me on this but its pants. It's like they took the concept of an ultra masculine, ultra hard, impossibly tough mofo and neutered him.
I especially liked the scene where good ol' Hugh sucks his tummy in (which there is no apparent need for), the scene where even though he loses his powers, approximately ten bullets don't seem to do him much harm, the scene where he manages to leap from building to building like superman (but without his powers) and the stupid ass, pointless let down of an ending that left me thinking 'admantium shmantium' my kids could have kicked their collective asses.
After the Diabolical last film and the idiocy that was the last stand, I expected so much from this film and it squarely misses the mark. Women will rave about Hugh Jackman no doubt, but personally even f there had been a naked superhumanly attractive female in 90% of the film, it still wouldn't have made me think for a second that it was any good.
There are a couple of excellent scenes (Ninjas yay) and that weird Japanese triangle head woman kept me wanting to watch to see if her head changed shape to normal, but other than that there isn't much to write home about.
I nearly peed' my pants in the opening 5 minutes, apparently as long as you are in a well, then fallout and radiation doesn't harm humans after half an hour or so . . . . . . .
I'm going to begrudgingly give this a 3 out of 5, and consequently refuse to watch it again, unless its on DVD or SKY, Im asleep and my kids beg me to watch it.
Oblivion (2013)
Wow, possibly the best scifi film in ten years
I have no idea why some people are rating this less than 9, its awesome, i guessed that they hadn't made it to the Jupiter moon, I guessed control wasn't real, I guessed there wasn't really an issue with fallout, but, HUGE BUT, wow the twists that came after, in between and all the way along were amazing.
I am not a fan of Mr Cruise, but that aside, he is excellent, so is Morgan Freeman and the entire cast. The cinematography is amazing, and if the moon ever explodes, I hope it gets back lit like in the movie and moves closer to earth :-) Six of us saw the film, 6 of us thoroughly enjoyed it, and five of us thought it was amazing.
PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL IT BY MAKING A SEQUEL, IT Doesn't NEED ONE, AND FRANKLY Shouldn't BE ALLOWED ONE.
Red Dawn (2012)
Great film, ignore the people who cant grasp the concept of an overall invasion.
Not half as bad as the IMDb rating suggests, some people don't take the film as a whole. I wasn't fully expecting the lead to turn out to be the person it was (which is good) and there is enough going on to keep it exciting. Unfortunately we don't really learn enough about what is going on to have actually triggered the invasion, what the bloody weapon actually was or (new kind of EMP doesn't cut it for me) why it didn't affect the North Korean Forces.
That said, and forgetting that Chris Hemsworths Hair doesn't grow any longer or get shorter throughout the film (and yet everyone else's does) it's not actually bad. There are a load of references to the old film, plenty of action, plenty of shooting, and they even point out how unreliably crap machine pistols can be. Its one of those films that will either sit well with your film instinct or not, its gonna be marmite :-) Some people are forgetting that this film represents only a snapshot of the invasion, in the same way that United Forces peace keeping in Afgahnistan wasn't limited to a ten mile radius. Also like another reviewer said, it is entirely possible for a group of normal teenagers, children and adults to create a situation which make occupation untenable (vietnam) and at the very least fight Gorilla Style. If you are going to slate a film then at least get all your facts in order.
This film is well worth a watch.