I watched two and a half hours of this latest adaptation of "A Christmas Carol" and chose not to watch more. My intelligence had been insulted enough by that time and, given that it appeared Mr. Scrooge was about to prostitute or potentially rape Mrs. Cratchit, I just turned the TV off.
Why did I watch it as long as I did? One well-written line roped me in early on. Bob Cratchit has not yet shown up for work. Scrooge is preparing the office for the day's work by counting out lumps of coal for Cratchit. Muttering to himself the entire time, he grudgingly places three coals near the fire. Then, as it's Christmas Eve, in a moment of "kindness", places a fourth lump. Immediately he notices a smudge on the cuff of his sleeve.
I may not be getting this exact, but here's what I thought I heard Scrooge say: "The smudge came from the fourth piece of coal. T'was kindness that left the smudge." Or something like that.
"Ah!" I thought, "There may be some new perspective on Scrooge's thoughts and twisted logic!" I was willing to watch more, hoping to be delighted with a fresh angle to this well-known, beloved story, eager to see Scrooge redeemed. There was some potential for something really different but as soon as the first of many incongruous F-bombs dropped in the dialog, I knew the writers were clueless as to that potential and really only wanted to shock viewers with some of the most worn out tricks the "entertainment" industry has to offer: foul language, ugly dystopian landscapes, and demoralizing angst.
An inordinate amount of time is spent on Marley. For some reason, the writers thought viewers would want to watch a boy urinate on Marley's grave which leaks down six feet to drip in Marley's eyes. I was willing to overlook such puerile nonsense since it happened in the first few minutes, but that really is the first clue to the caliber of content yet to come.
The main spirit played by Andy Serkis reminded me of Radagast from The Hobbit and didn't resemble any spirit described by Dickens. No matter what Andy Serkis said I just couldn't shake the notion that he was a kind of morbid Radagast. I kept waiting for some birds to come and land on his head. Well, maybe that's not the fault of the movie but my own issue. Anyway...
Aside from the one promising line he gets to say, Scrooge is constantly washing his hands and brushing his clothing like some kind of clean freak and muttering to himself in a barely audible voice. Bob Cratchit, on the other hand, is downright urbane compared to Scrooge, speaking lines that Dickens' timid Bob Cratchit would not dare utter.
As the movie drags on, and timing was a major issue throughout, we are made to discover that Scrooge was molested as a child during his time away at boarding school. His evil father had made a deal with the headmaster that he could abuse Scrooge in exchange for free tuition. In an utterly ridiculous scene, Scrooge is rescued by his gun-toting sister, Lottie. We are shown very little more of Scrooge's youth. Fezziwig never makes an appearance. Scrooge is shown to be a heartless, opportunistic businessman but with a soft spot for animals. Then we see Scrooge soliciting Cratchit's wife and I was done.
The movie slogs on...and on...and I could pick the movie apart for all the ways in which it departs from the original story by Dickens, but I won't waste my time or yours. Suffice to say, none of the changes made sense. There is little fresh insight to be had in this dreary exercise. My advice is skip it.
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