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caninepasta
Reviews
Kitchen Nightmares: Bel Aire (2023)
Unsatisfying show
This episode seemed rushed and way more staged than it should have been. Of course it's all staged. But GR takes us here to this very well financed family owned restaurant that turns out to have absolutely shocking food safety standards. The food is poorly cooked and the stored ingredients in the abysmally filthy coolers were rotting and putrid, and the two sons inheriting the business seemed to be completely clueless and have no idea any of this was bad.
This should have set the stage for an in-depth episode showing how this garbage scow was turned around from the back of the cooler on up. But lo and behold, Ramsey does a fairy godmother wand wave and BOOM after the next commercial segment entire place is not just clean but has undergone an amazing reno and redecoration that has to have cost hundreds of thousands, complete with an espresso machine that was worth, what, $20,000? $30,000? By then I had lost interest.
These guys weren't struggling, they were just lazy slobs who probably wipe their hands on their (expensive) t-shirts at home and Ramsey just did it all for them, including sharing his fish and chips recipe, then went through some rote soulless stuff on reopening about some more poorly cooked dishes from the staff who remained badly trained and hapless, apparently.
This wasn't a good start. I likely won't be watching more.
Away (2020)
Soap Opera In Space
I was hoping to settle in for a few hours of gripping sci-fi, and very soon I realized what I was getting would be 'This Is Us' with a topping of special effects. I persisted for awhile but it just got worse.
Words cannot convey how much of an insult this is to actual space professionals. The lying, the inaccuracies, the emotional bs- no actual astronauts behave this way. Furthermore, no actual space agency would deal with malfunctions like this, by blithely pressing on and ignoring data and warning signals.
This could have been terrific- a new look at a mission to Mars with a decent cast and really good special effects. Instead, somebody decided to inflict a soap opera script onto some outer space effects (of which there weren't enough).
It's not worth anybody's time. I don't understand why producers don't get it- people who like soap operas aren't into nerdy science, and sci-fi aficionados can't stand inaccurate depictions and wild emotions instead of scientifically working the problem. You can't have it both ways. Sure, you can have emotional sci-fi- I can list several movies about space that choke me up every time- but it has to hang together in science and logic as well. A plot is nice too. The only plot I can discern here is "uh-oh".
Two stars instead of one because what CGI was there was very good.
Sigh.
The Brave (2017)
Just the same old same old
Was hoping for something new but this is the same formulaic stuff trotted our countless times. Team out in the field, team in fancy big screen control room. Visual and verbal monitoring of every detail in crystal clarity, just too perfect. Highly skilled field team with much gadgets, sniper who never misses, and the usual tough guy and gal banter. Tons of patriotic macho bs. Team leader female tough as nails who never cracks a smile, usual tropes for rest of the group. Usual plot lines we see across the board in action shows, neat resolution with a teaser to the next episode ("oh, HOW will they possibly get out of THAT situation?") Tons of stupid mistakes- I'm no ex-seal but I can see implausible situations that depend less on skill and more on luck as well as anybody. I didn't watch all of them, my times too valuable, but was wondering who they will kill off by the end of the season- cue the sad music and tough guy years. Nope, done, I'm out.
The Numbers Station (2013)
Psychological locked room thriller
A lethargic movie that cannot decide if it is a spy movie, a horror flick, or film noir. John Cusack has two expressions, which he deploys randomly. The female lead character is a strange combination of competent, highly skilled intelligence and clichéd helplessness of the sort that is so old fashioned it's laughable. Malin Ackerman is OK in the role, managing to wring out a slight bit of sympathy for her character, but for me it was mixed with disappointment she did not have a stronger character to work with. Liam Cunningham just phoned in this one. I had some hope after the beginning, which sketched the outlines of a possibly interesting variation on the familiar jaded-spy-has-revelation, changes-life-saves-the world script, but murkiness, un-engaging flashbackiness and poorly staged action followed. It's grim, but not in a good way, and utterly, utterly humorless. Confusing sequences do not make you want to watch it two or three more times to figure it out; you know it's like that because its not well done, not because there's anything more there. The plot is barely glimpsed, and the action is not enough to matter. It's possible to make tense, interesting, well paced movies set in limited spaces- Alien comes to mind- but this is not one of them.