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imsandygreen
Reviews
6 Underground (2019)
Shattered jigsaw puzzle
What we're expected to do here is to look at a shattered jigsaw puzzle and somehow miraculously see the complete picture. Editing so hap hazard a strobe light is calming by comparison. The team that put this movie together appeared to be running high on cocaine, caffeine and sleep deprivation.
A Discovery of Witches (2018)
If you're looking for some vampire action...
... you're not going to find it here! If I compare this to say, The Originals, where we had an onslaught of violence, killing and all the other awesome stuff vampires do, accompanied with humor and endearing, intriguing characters, this series is basically a love story between two average people searching for a book. Yes that's right. It's truly that mundane. I'm completing season two, in hope of a breakthrough where chaos finally breaks loose, but I'm afraid more soppy declarations of love are more likely to come.
Altered Carbon (2018)
Bladerunner revisited.
This series, if anything, highlights how far Bladerunner was ahead of it's time. The visuals were an optical feast so, even though I didn't know what was going on half of the time in this convoluted plot, it was worth it in that regard. The supermodel in Harrison Ford's role detracted from the character being portrayed sadly. Put a shirt on and act like a real man. All of these things add up to me rewatching Bladerunner yet again to get a load of the real thing.
Bortført (2021)
A girl from Oslo's annoying mother
Could've been a pretty decent show but for the overwhelming presence of the girl's mother, blundering from one sinkhole into another. Such a huge chunk of the series devoted to a weak, irritating character portrayed by an even weaker, irritating actress.
Dexter: New Blood (2021)
THE ANNOYING GHOST OF DEB
Whoever thought to think that Deb was a character we wanted to be swamped with is so out of touch with his audience. The ghost of Deb drowns out what little they've kept of Dexter. 4 episodes out of ten and only one sloppy kill so far. Dexter is downgraded from a razor sharp killing machine forensic scientist to a blunt redneck.
They've murdered Dexter. Crying into my hands.
The Originals: Night Has a Thousand Eyes (2015)
If only Jackson would die
The only gaping flaw in this entire series is Jackson. This is the weakest most monochromatic character played by the weakest most monochromatic actor in the history of cinematography. Flat. Bland. Boring. Pathetic. Low energy. I hope his death is going to at least be spectacular.
Shadow and Bone: A Searing Burst of Light (2021)
Not the Avengers...
If this were say, an Avengers movie you could hit the ground galloping because the audience is fully familiar with the complex characters, their worlds, their history, their relationships with one another, so we could immediately sit back and enjoy the show. Here we're landed slap bang into a totally new series, where we know nothing about anything or anyone, and we're somehow expected to miraculously just get it. With aid from Google, and turning on the subtitles to grapple with understanding what was going on most of the time, I couldn't focus on what were apparently great visuals. Who could notice? Very frustrating and disappointing.
Jupiter's Legacy (2021)
The 2 stars are for George and Hutch
So there's nothing sexy or remotely cool about granpa and granma superheroes. In anybody's wildest imaginings. Not even real life granpa's and granma's would dream up superheroes to be their age.
Unsexy. Uncool. Actually a visual insult to the word "superhero".
The Walking Dead: What We Become (2020)
zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
The most boring episode thus far. Read the synopsis and fast forward through it. I wish I did but instead I wasted an hour of my life and money buying sneakers online while it played in the background - and I missed nothing.
So happy to be rid of Michonne. Alpha was more upbeat and lighthearted than this character. Possessing all the life sucking power of a black hole.
The Walking Dead: Time for After (2017)
Fast forwarding
Whoever wrote the dialogue for the Eugene character will pay for it in the afterlife. I'd turn on the subtitles to see what his incoherent mumbling mumbo jumbo actually says but I'd rather fast forward through it. Whoever conceptualized this character deserves a criminal record for attempting to bore their audience to death.
The Walking Dead: How It's Gotta Be (2017)
Funereal...
Carl's death is more drawn out and boring than a real funeral. Long, protracted, vacuous, trying-too-hard, emotional speeches. Which are just annoying. Fast forwarding through it didn't seem to make it move any faster.