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Reviews
Man of Steel (2013)
Very far from super
To get an idea of what this film is like, go to a china shop with a friend, and spend two house punching each other and crashing into the shelves of china. Because that's basically all that happens: two indestructible men take turns punching each other, to no obvious effect or point.
I've ticked the spoilers box because there's so little plot that it's hard to say anything at all about this film without giving away a significant proportion of it. In fact the plot is merely there to get the two combatants together, so we can get to the fight as soon as possible. All other aspects of the Superman legend have been discarded: No-one on Earth has heard of him before the fight begins, and he seems to have no interest in humanity, Metropolis, justice or anything else for that matter.
Guys: you're both indestructible. Look it up. The first punch should have reminded you of that fact, if you'd forgotten. Doing it again - and again, and again, and again - is pointless and stupid. Which is not a bad two-word review of this film, in fact.
Treasure Guards (2011)
Woefully bad
First, let me say that Anna Friel does a pretty good job here, but unfortunately she's clearly in a different league to anyone else involved in this film. Maybe some of the other actors are OK; it's hard to tell because the film is so badly made.
Somehow, despite a reasonable premise for a treasure-hunting story, there is just no atmosphere. It's completely flat, with no sense of drama or, frankly, interest. The performances are wooden, the filming is crude and the pacing is woeful.
Near the start there are a couple of scenes with three girls in (and out of) bikinis, on a yacht. The director seems comfortable here, which makes me wonder if the crew is more used to making cheap porn. Certainly the feel of the film is that no-one really cares about the story, the characters or for that matter the basic principles of film-making or storytelling.