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Reviews
The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)
Why isn't Malcolm McDowells guest-appearance not mentioned?
Just keep wondering - I recall seeing the film a number of years ago (the German version which has been - for whatever reasons - censored'and roughly 15 minutes shorter than the original).
I distinctly recall Malcolm McDowells guest-appearance as a bandit, among the first to be 'rightfully' hanged by the Judge Bean. McDowell (in the German translated version) holds a short, stuttered monologue about being hanged unjustified - innocent of whatever crime he was accused off - but pacifies himself in the last minute by explaining away that he's being hanged for a number of other crimes he had committed.
However, I don't find anything about that - neither on the 'Life and Times of Judge Bean' nor in the 'Malcolm McDowell'-section. Is there a reason for that or am I simply mistaken and mistook and actor (which I don't think)?
Into the Sun (2005)
Seagal films are slowly becoming the porn flicks of the sickly action film industry ...
Steven Seagal films are slowly becoming something of the porn flicks of the action genre ... you pretty much know what you get bi-anually when you're holding a Seagal DVD in your hands (do they actually make it into the cinema in the US? In Europe they tend to go straight to plastic ...).
Well, of course the film needs to start off with the Seagal character being a soldier trying to rid the world of the danger of opiates by gunning down some opium-bandits in the jungle. The opening scene virtually adds nothing - apart from establishing the aging Seagal as veteran - but, probably as manditory as the lion roaring at the beginnings of old MGM movies ...
From there it goes to Cyber-Tokyo of 2004. It is there revealed that Seagal has actually grown up in Tokyo - not just Tokyo but the China Town of Tokyo. Viewers are more likely to buy a rotten fish, than that ...
Sad is such: when dwelling over Yakuza-classics such as 'Yakuza' (with Robert Mitchum) to 'Black Rain', the Yakuza gangstaz here are portrayed more like Ottaku. Cyber-freaks, Amikan-oh-wanna-be punks who pretty much imitate, well, villains from earlier (and better) Seagal movies. No more 'asian mystique / philosophy within the scoundrel', the days of the clean-cut, samurai sword swinging gangsters are gone. Well, until the end, where naturally suddenly all thugs (and heroes) swing those shiny Japanese blades, having all over suddenly replaced (or lost?) their 20th century guns. Can you imagine how the film ends? If this film had a budget, it might well have become Steven Seagal's 'Terminator 3' ... & Adios, mujajos. But I figure, Seagal still has two, three good years ahead of him. Which would translate into 4, 5, 6 or even 7 more flicks in which he gets to mime the unbeatable hard-ass. Ah, but fortunatley, all times go by and there are often ways to avoid the next Seagal-flick ...
Ninja Terminator (1986)
To talk of the music ...
I will not talk about the Garfield-telephone, the crabs, the ham in the golden wig nor the bulging eyes of the Black ninja - it's been done and said. Nor the pseudo-sex-scenes or the carmouflage Ninja suite, not the Ninja's painted eye-lids or the horrible dubbing.
What most people don't seem to realize is, that the music was 'conducted' (or 'composed', as you wish) by none other than Wendy Carlos AKA Victor Carlos, the transvestite musical-genius that composed the groundbreaking mix of 70's Techno and Beethoven in Stanley Kubrick's 'Clockwork Orange'! Yes, the Victor Carlos who changed his sex (or so the lore of cult-films has it) while composing the soundtrack for said-'Clockwork Orange'. Was he (or she) in need of Crack-money? Did the Chinese mafia put a gun to his (or her) head, forcing him (or her) to churn out this hogwash on his (or her) keyboard? Was it the magic of the Evil Ninja Empire that made him (or her) do it? I'm afraid we'll never know - but until James Horner composed the score for a Mondo Carne Picture (where are they now?), this will remain unbeaten in the field of 'pure cult' ...
Ninja bugeicho momochi sandayu (1980)
A good Sonny Chiba / Ninja flick, if it weren't for ...
... well, if it weren't for Sonny Chiba himself! Good, nobody ever put Chiba amongst the great Shakespearian actors (unlike his protégé and star Hiroyuki Sanada). Let's just say he employed less acting skill than Gregory Peck in 'The Omen' (were ol' Peck at least raised an eyebrow now and again) and Monica Belluci (who may be anything - a fine looking young lady - but not an actor). Fact is, Chiba doesn't act at all! He's simply there in the picture! Not so much as a facial twitch throughout the entire movie! Granted, Japanese heroes are to be cool. See 'The Last Samurai' ... hell, cooler than 'Shack' and Ryan O'Neal put into a bag. But for his role as 'Shogun', Chiba may well have been lobotomized! Second 'Minus' of the film: the horrid dance-sequence of Hiroyuki Sanada, which may well haunt this fine actor to the end of his career. God, if only I had fallen asleep during this sequence and never perceived it at all! But no, there it is, burned right into my memory and causing me to break out into insane giggles during the final battle of 'Last Samurai' ...
Then there is the terrible, terrible pseudo-Jazz score, that would have made many-a Porn flick look earnest --- if only the producers would have take a hint from 'Shoguns Assassin', but no ...
... apart from all that, the film would have actually been worth viewing ...
... WOULD have, I say!