Change Your Image
jacksoneye99
Reviews
The Naked Mile (2006)
Mr. DeMille...I'm ready
I don't know if it is me or am I just out of tune with the rest of the movie going audiences. This movie uses every sophomoric, idiotic,crude trick in the book to use up approximately 1 3/4 hours worth of frames. There is NO plot here than hasn't been flogged to death in some way,shape or form in the past 35yrs. I have seen enough of these "Animal House" retakes that I could even churn out some fecal material that would be far superior to this doggy dodo. Really,there should be a law prohibiting sequel movies that don't have anything to do with the original. So the lead punk is a Stifler. There the similarity ends. The only redeeming aspect of this movie are the 3 "front" women and the much deserved over exposure they get. Other than that.....this movie is a real stinker,amateurish at best. Mr. DeMille.....I'm ready for my money shot...or uh...my close-up.
The 9/11 Commission Report (2006)
Terrorising Act
This documentary was very amateurish. It could have been made by college students. Assuming that it was, my grading is as follows. Content : C, Sound Quality : F ,Cinematography : F ,Acting : D, Soundtrack : F, Casting : C, Boobshot : A ......Overall Grade :D
I found myself getting seasick as we walked down the streets with the characters,bobbing up and down with each move of the cameraman'step.My mother-in-law even changed the batteries in her miracle ear and she could not hear the muffled dialog. Extensive post production editing and CGI would not help this bomb. These students would "barely" pass my course.My advise...don't waste your time or money for the one "A".
Bar Girls (1994)
Adult Movie Stars Go Straight?
This movie sucked ......BIG TIME. The acting was on the level of a soft porno. All the lesbians I've seen never looked this good.The characters were weak. The script was predictable. The lighting was bad. The scenes were framed awkwardly. This movie wouldn't even make a good cable reality show because this movie is surreal. The mocca-vanilla thing is cool,but frosty. I am a big Chastity Bono fan too and I missed her. I guess I was snoring at that point. When the Dyke pool player put the nine ball in her side pocket I almost lost it. Even the sex scenes appeared forced. I was starting to believe the two choco-vanilla twisted lesbians were not even lesbians at all! I couldn't figure out what these two actually did to make a living, hang out in a gay bar? I'm sorry, this movie is just plain awful!