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KingPhilth
Reviews
Good Luck Chuck (2007)
A comedy for morons, made by morons.
I was offended by this film.
Not by the sexual content, but by the fact that the people responsible thought they could pass it off to an audience as entertainment.
Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)
Even by the standards of III, IV and VII, this is awful.
I made myself watch this just so I could say I've seen all of the Hellraiser films. The cover of the DVD has Pinhead in a kind of Matrix-esque green hue with computerised text, so my original fear was that he was now stalking and killing people online with the internet being a gateway to Hell. I was wrong, but I'm not sure if the actual concept for the film is better or worse than that.
It's not so much that this film has plot holes, it just has ridiculous things going on that make no sense, such as one character wearing a t-shirt with Pinhead's face on it. Not a caricature, but a picture of Doug Bradley as Pinhead. Are we meant to believe that between collecting souls to take to Hell, Pinhead works as a freelance model for horror t-shirt companies? This nonsensical moment made me wonder for a good 20 minutes if I was watching one of those films about a film, like Wes Craven's New Nightmare or The League Of Gentlemen's Apocalypse. OK, the latter was a TV show, but my point still stands.
The 'kids' (yes, we've gone from the occult horror of the last 7 films to a teen slasher - though the teens are, as always, all played by people in their 30s) are all as badly written and one dimensional as the Wayans brothers' Scary Movie characters, but at least they're knowingly terrible. Each has his or her own trait/weakness which leads to their demise (asthma, womanising, an inquisitive nature, loneliness). Lazy writing also means the black character is the token horror movie black character (jive-talking, occasionally exclaiming "Day-amn, Girl!", etc) who won't live to see the see the second half of the movie. His excuse for missing the rest of it was death, what was mine for watching it? Maybe I wanted to see if it could possibly gets worse.
I do love a bad horror film just as much as a good one, but what really annoyed me about this were the missed chances, the things they could have done to make it enjoyable, but then decided not to bother. Doug Bradley is always a pleasure to watch - even if Pinhead does sometimes wander into Freddie territory with quips and superhuman abilities, but again this is a writing/directing problem, not at all a swipe at Bradley - and it was nice to see Lance Henriksen appear so late into the franchise, lending it a dignity and gravitas it doesn't at all deserve. Sadly, the two actors only share one scene and I don't think they were even in the same room when it was filmed by the look of it. Some kind of exchange between the two would have made up for the previous 90 minutes of badly delivered lines and clichés pulled from 50 other awful horror movies, but its all over far too quickly.
Fans of Pinhead have complained that since parts III and IV, he hasn't appeared enough in the movies. The point they miss is that Pinhead was always meant to be a minor character yet remaining an ever-present threat, even if he's not always seen. The monster in the movie becomes less scary the more you see it and this is one thing this film does right.
If you want to watch all of the Hellraiser movies, give it a look, but don't expect it to hold a candle to any that came before. If you could happily live without seeing one of the greatest characters and franchises ever made turned into Dawson's Creek with demons, don't bother. I hope Clive Barker was paid handsomely to see his creation sodomised in this way. He's done so much for horror (movies and literature) that it's a shame to see the series limp out on this very low note.
One interesting thing about this film, British viewers over the age of 30 may recognise Victor McGuire as the cop. He's best known for his roles as Jack Boswell in 'Bread' and Ron in 'Goodnight, Sweetheart', two well known British sitcoms.
Vampires: The Turning (2004)
Why, oh why, oh why?
Firstly, I'll admit I haven't seen Vampires: Los Muertos, but I've seen the original Vampires film and love it. I rented this film having heard nothing about it. I didn't expect to be impressed. I wasn't.
I love the idea of shifting the action to the far east, which should have opened up a lot of new avenues for the action sequences as well as the story line, but not enough was made of this. The fight scenes and the motorbike chases were painfully boring.
There were some parts I liked, like the way the slayer team weren't shown as heroic good guys, as they were in the first movie.
I'd been hoping since I saw the old Hammer movie Legend Of The 7 Golden Vampires a few years ago that someone would one day make another good Asian-based vampire film. This was not it.
Shadow Hours (2000)
Not great, but not bad
My girlfriend and I found this in a DVD shop for £2. She'd never heard of it before, but I remembered reading a review of it a few years ago in Empire. They said it was like a very low-budget Fight Club. This film isn't as stylish as it would like to be, but it's still enjoyable. The performances were all pretty good. It was good to see Peter Weller playing this kind of character after seeing him as Robocop and Brad Dourif was great as usual. I would have probably been a little disappointed if I'd rented this, but having only paid £2 to buy it, I'm not complaining. One to watch when you've had a few beers and there's nothing on TV.