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theRealKidneythief
Reviews
Gilded Newport Mysteries: Murder at the Breakers (2024)
A Gilded Mess
I was really looking forward to this but after 15 minutes realized it was a mess on every level. The main character is completely unbelievable as a "detective" and she slogs through her dialogue. Most of the characters are wooden and going through the motions. Reactions to events are shockingly unrealistic (a guy falls to his death and our MC doesn't even blink or act startled. She jaunts over to the body and asks "Mr Goddard?" as blood pours from his head)
In another instance a man is lying on the floor, clearly having been knocked out but it takes our genius MC hours to notice a bump on his head and she's very proud of herself for figuring out he was attacked along with the murder victim. Ummm... wouldn't the guy know if he was hit over the head?? Just ask him!
As others have mentioned, the class system of the era is completely ignored. It seems Hallmark has period costumes on hand so they think that makes for a good period movie.
This mess proves that it doesn't.
Fool Me Once (2024)
DNF after 1 episode
Like many other reviewers, I stopped watching this after the first episode, which is too bad because this type of show is generally right up my alley. You already know the plot, so the things that frustrated me were the protagonist's attempts to talk to the nanny. SHE PEPPER SPRAYED YOU AND RAN AWAY! She clearly doesn't want to chat about it, so as a military captain maybe try and sneak up on her? Stop announcing your presence! In addition, she never actually tells the detective or Joe's mom that the nanny stole the SD drive. That kind of screams guilty, no? Anyway, maybe the series gets better, but I won't stick around to find out.
Night of the Hunted (2023)
So many issues
Within the first minute I hated these characters. The lead is a scumbag cheater, her husband is clingy (called twice in the first 5 minutes and texted non-stop) and the "boyfriend" was an idiot. On their way to the gas station, the gas light comes on. The boyfriend swears he filled it up last night. Oh well, the gas must've magically disappeared. Couldn't possibly be a leak. So he pulls into the gas station to a pump on the OPPOSITE SIDE of his tank and proceeds to pull the hose around the car and fill 'er up. We are then shown (shock!) there's a leak. Cut to the lead woman entering the gas station store where she is immediately shot in the arm from an outside shooter. This disables her enough to make every scene that follows PAINSTAKINGLY slow. Please do yourself a favor and don't even attempt this POS.
Mystery 101: Deadly History (2021)
Cliffhanger Spoilers - what was going to happen
Since this series is over (much to my disappointment), I did read that the writers intended on opening up the next season revealing that the ending was "just a bad dream." Yep, you read that correctly. They were going to it-was-just-a-dream the cliffhanger. Oh well.
I genuinely liked the chemistry the leads had and although the mystery plots were generally muddled and ridiculous (but fun!), I'm bummed we will not get any more Mystery 101.
I'm hoping Hallmark can come up with some more fun mystery series along the lines of Garage Sale Mysteries, Aurora Teagarden and Mystery 101. Until then, I'll keep enjoying the occasional one-offs.
River Wild (2023)
Frustrating watch
I was looking forward to this as a light adventure movie, and my expectations were pretty low. Unfortunately the writers missed the mark several times. The "bad guy" could have been subdued by the others on many occasions, but nobody chose to act. First, in the raft they had the opportunity to rush him and push him overboard. Then, in the ranger station, Gray just stood there while the ranger and Trevor were fighting. Lastly, and most egregiously, when Trevor was ASLEEP the random stranger could have easily grabbed the gun before Trevor knew what hit him. Really disappointed in this effort. Gave it a point for the decent acting. But otherwise a complete miss.
Hellblazers (2022)
Wanted to love it
Within the first 20 minutes there is an event, then a witness of said event describes the event we just saw to the sheriff. Then the sheriff says "Let me get this straight..." and relays the event back to the witness who just described it! Who is writing this stuff?
The premise seemed interesting and with a better script and more gore (this may have been due to budget constraints) it could have been entertaining. As-is it feels like the talent they brought together for this effort was wasted.
I also think this would have worked better as a straight-up horror film. The "comedy" was not funny. Honestly, I would skip this one.