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jplatten
Reviews
The Famous Five: The Curse of Kirrin Island (2023)
Clanks like an old suit of armour
I was going to say everyone is grumbling for no reason, just because it's not like the book. But then towards the latter half the poor acting really started to grate - and unfortunately it was Jack Gleeson from Game of Thrones not even the kids. Add that to some absolutely risible scenes during one of the kids' escapes (that's not a spoiler famous five are always escaping something). Plus the terrible stilted scenes when the parents are busy not listening to the kids (again not really a spoiler - it always happens). So 5 from me not because it isn't Blyton or because its revisionist, but because in places its really very bad.
Rhinoceros (1974)
What your FFWD is for
Well - it's definitely a play rendered as a film. The kind of play where you ache after a while, you start to feel uncomfortable in your seat and you wish you could walk out because it's just too many words and the set doesn't change often enough to keep up interest and its all just a bit too artsy and meaningful.
Within that the concept is interesting and the bits tacked on at the beginning and the end are actually the best parts of the story as far as a watchable film goes.
So if you don't like to miss out on curiosity of it all but don't want to torture yourself either watch through to the start of the transformation scene with Zero Mostel and then skip through the set in-apartment mono-tonal scenes taking in the gist but not the length to the point where Gene wilder leaves, then watch the ending.
Result - the oddball IMDB 6.0 40 minute film you probably came here for and none of the worthy and outdated verbiage about herd conformity.
Experiencing films like this one without the associated pain "are what that FFWD button on your remote is for".
Rebecca (1940)
Banned wife #2 from watching it
No really, that actually happened.
I just wanted to say what a testament that is to the power of this film. I was scared myself that if she by chance actually did watch it she would have run away screaming.
Bizarrely what happened later is some people around me did go on to emulate a certain character's malice in pretty much the way the film lays out. Talk about life imitating art.
One thing I would say is that despite the film's wonderful power the story itself that powers this - with all due credit to Daphne du Maurier. What a wonderful concept the whole thing is. A total one off plot I've not seen repeated in other films.
Finally - if you are a second wife reading this and first wife passed away... yeah she's watching you for sure enough - believe it !
Desenterrando Sad Hill (2017)
So uplifting
The effort, the passion - this is really so uplifting. I felt better after watching this film than for a long time just from the sheer joy and geekery of the film fans who made this happen. Great tale.
I took a star off for mild length and must admit I span through with fast forward like you do. Well it is a documentary not a narrative.
No real spoiler to say it contains a lot of facts about the original film and some of those were equally amazing and passion filled on the music, the film making and the scene setting. I'll have to seek out the good the bad and the ugly now and appreciate all those small details like its the first time over again.
Smoking Guns (2016)
Appalling Lazy Ending
No spoilers but the finale of this film just didn't pay off for me. All the worse because pacing is slow. I would have suggested speed watching it to take in the events and the general gist with your finger on the fast forward but the pay off for time invested is just not there even for a quick tour. A shame as some good characters and some good moments hence the four stars. But it's just too thin and slow throughout and the final payoff is poor and cliched.
No Escape (1994)
RIP Ray Liotta
So my favourite Ray Liotta film, even including his epic performance as Harry Hill in Goodfellas. Why I can't tell you. It's just another dumb B movie but has very decent pacing and as other reviewers will tell you Ray just shines here. I often wondered why he didn't do more action hero stuff but maybe the actor himself pushed it back in favour of meatier stuff. Whatever the case I loved this one. Ray Liotta sleep well tonight 27/05/2022.
Burlesque (2010)
Achieves its aims
I try to judge movies against their aims and peer movies - horror film scary? - adventure exciting? So here a lightweight musical rom com and the good news is it totally succeeds. Measured against The Bodyguard which I personally detest the concept is lighter, and the performance better. Aguilera sings with volume, soul and depth throughout, totally convincing as a world class talent without lapsing into showboating. Stanley Tucci excels as ever and though I don't really care for Cher she is well cast as the mother figure. Yes the plot is thin and it's all just a bit frothy but it never set out to be Citizen Kane in the first place and I'm not going to score as if it did. - 8 stars.
The Harry Hill Movie (2013)
Fulham 1 SurrealMadrid FISH
Which is how a surrealist joke should be: In "wow I really wasn't expecting that", followed by somewhat blissfully ended. And therein lies the problem with this film. It is absolutely laugh out loud funny in places and of pretty high quality throughout. The trouble is surrealist slapstick is somehow quite tiring. I ended up alternately surprised, delighted and er... actually looking at my watch. Best advice - take a break and watch it in two goes.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
A lot is wrong
Stephen Fry - Wrong, Mos Def - Wrong, Vogons - Wrong, Marvin model - wrong, Alan Rickman - wrong, Heart of Gold - Right, Trillian - OKish, Book animations - wrong, Deep Thought - wrong, escape pod sequence - appalling, Sirius Cybertenetic Doors - wrong, last 20 minutes - redeeming!!
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
Well of course it's a 10
What can it really be compared to? There is only one Rocky Horror movie and I'm pretty sure it's the best Rocky Horror movie ever made. It's not as good as... what exactly?
Don't Look Up (2021)
A better documentary than it is a comedy
This is a mirror that needed presenting, especially in America and UK. Our entire society actually is this ridiculous. That's maybe why I don't find this film funny. It's far too close to reality to be an amusing parody.
Can see us all looking back at it later like we do at Dr Strangelove... not amusing but a fairly accurate record of the time.
Sadly - it's just not funny.
Harlow (1965)
A complete stinker
I switched channels onto this about half way in, interested in Harolw's fate - read she was killed by the chemicals in her famous hairstyle. But my word what a stinker it is. Angela Lansbury as mum talking to her daughter in the bedroom about 'love' when they just meant sex and the hammy 60's dialogue just made my toes curl with discomfort. Unbelievable tripe - I pity the poor actors. Lansbury's good or she wouldn't still be in the acting game so many years later but just sounds utterly false with this nonsense to read. Turned it off and walked away so you'll have to ask others what it's like overall. But really - don't bother... just flick elsewhere.
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)
Would be mean spirited to mark this low
Some films set out to entertain in a really simple and direct way and this is one of them. The dialog is not Shakespeare and the acting is not from the Royal Academy, but seriously what do you want from a film? This is a totally entertaining and charming movie where the director and special effects teams have made a determined effort to entertain in almost every scene.
Catwoman (2004)
10 for balance
I enjoyed this film. It's not the greatest but it was a hell of a lot more watchable than its current IMDb of 3.3 suggest so no qualms about giving it a tactical 10 to bump it up a bit.
The problem as such? I'm going to come right out and say it - this is a chick's version of a superhero movie. Catwoman is not really macho, she's not really that violent. The subplot is about personal growth but not in the becoming a demigod or Bruce Wayne to batman way. ...By the end of the film catwoman character "knows herself". That could only count as a finale in a female oriented movie! Having said that - I'm not blind - it is a fairly weak movie. In truth probably say 5.5 on IMDb norms. I think the reason it gets marked down is the disappointment of the fanboys that all the usual male-oriented themes are missing. That's why it equally erroneously gets a 1 so often - just disappointment and a bit of how dare you mess with "our" DC universe.
Well don't believe that nonsense. It wasn't great but it was bad either and I was mildly entertained. Just watch it.
Jack (1996)
Horrible
I watched ten minutes of this and felt pretty sick.
There have been documentaries on this subject on television of real children that are actually interesting, sad and happy by turns in the real world. What got into people to make such a thing is beyond me. This is the worst kind of sentimental mawkishness and a thoroughly sick and bad idea irrespective of the intentions. I think if we can have a film about marching penguins, or more seriously the columbine massacres shown at the cinema its about time we were able to face an actual documentary about a child with this condition instead of this horrible, horrible proxy for one.
By the way... The central conceit that children with this syndrome look like Robin Williams is so very far off beam. In actuality they are the same height as normal children with an adult facial appearance and other attributes. (I know from a made for TV documentary that did this whole thing PROPERLY) This film is a total travesty. Only in America! If you are a buyer for a TV company: I am sure you can find the documentary I watched instead if you really try. Show that instead.
The Dark Knight (2008)
Sadly we need to keep giving this 1 star till it lands at 8.?
Until it drops below the Godfather, the Good, The Bad and Ugly and any number of other films that are just that bit better in an historical context.
This does upset me slightly as it is in itself a very good film as the other reviews say. The Ledger is Dead / Batman Fans just went a bit overboard with the 10/10 scores at the start leaving us poor schmucks at the back of the queue to mark it down to where it should be.
What do I think? Honestly? Well 7's on IMDb are usually a good watchable evening's entertainment 8's are things you would make a point of staying in for, tipping or buying the DVD and anything 9+ is one of the best movies ever made. Yes, this one is an 8.something for sure as I would go out of my way to watch it again.
...But the scoring correction continues so 1 star it is :)
Revelation (2001)
A curates egg (that's gone off)
I think on the whole this pile of rubbish is worth watching just the once. The reason being that it has some scenes that definitely stick in the mind, for instance the crusdaders' defence of their tomb, the fate of a priest who gives just a bit too much away and a bit of torture near the end. These are great scenes individually well shot and conceived. The location selection is also first rate. Whoever was in charge of that did a stand out job. There are some wonderful looking real places in here. Sadly, the rest including much of the story, the acting and the continuity is I am afraid pure unadulterated drivel. Without giving too much away our heroes run around solving things in a "tadah!" way that have remained hidden for thousands of years. In the most laughable scene they pick up a relic that has been lost to humanity for two Lenna... er, hidden under a few inches of sand in a place visited so recently it has Acro bars holding the roof up.
Cue scene from my imagination rather than this risible film: Roof Support Workman#1: "Strewth it's hot down here Bob, I'm going to take a rest" *Puts hand back into small pile of sand as he reclines* "Hang on! There's something under here - Wow! It's Ariella ornate and interesting looking box, maybe we had better take it to a museum or something.
Workman#2: "Nah mate better put it back under that sand. Someone might need it to save the world one day. If we go moving it about now they'll be right up the creek" Workman#1: "Yeah, right you are Terry. I'll put it back just in case" *Puts box back in hiding place so film plot can find it later where it's been, almost in plain view for two thousand ruddy years!!* You'll see what I mean if you watch the film. THis and many other things are sheer nonsense.
Dancing at the Harvest Moon (2002)
Risible chick movie
I ticked the spoiler box... The spoiler is - Don't watch this! It's devoid of all merit. (With deep thanks to my wife who is watching it avidly right now and inflicting the movie on me. Surely I had something more important to do - like belching or sorting navel lint collection). Budge over and pass me the remote woman! Guys .....run if this film ever comes on and don't look back. Chick flick with a vengeance. Yuck.
I did like the comment from someone else about guys not committing to women even their own age. You can see what the female character's going to get out of it however much they dress it up. But the male character. Heh heh heh - his role is just mind numbingly unbelievable as they've put words in his mouth like he's really into this whole wishy washy trip. Doesn't he have any mates to slap him round the chops and drag him down the bar? Jeeeez. Wize up wuss. Going with older women fine. Being that much of an ever loving dreamboat? Please make it stop. (Oh it did - lol just then when I was typing - thank god, now what's on the other side).
Heh postscript. My wife just finished watching the whole thing then stretched got up and said "God what a load of rubbish - why did I watch that".
Hauru no ugoku shiro (2004)
Hah! Forget computers! ...CGI is so last year.
I remember when I saw Red's Dream. That's one of Pixar's first shorts along with Luxor Junior, and I remember it because I was working in a computer graphics company in the UK and it was about 1986 ish. We all huddled round a small TV and watched awed as raindrops fell outside the bike shop (Red is a unicycle) and hit the puddles, rippling out and distorting the reflection of the shop lights. It was a magical moment where we first saw that never seen before water effect and all went "Wow".
...Hey mac. What about Howl's Moving Castle - What's your point? Move it along! Ahem, well... The animation in Howl's is of frankly awesome quality. I'm bleating about CGI water above and then I go and see Howl's and there are waves coming up the beach in one scene and they are translucent, perfect and get this ...hand drawn! There is just something about the craft involved in replicating an effect like that with a pencil and some colourists. No it's not CGI style realistic. It's better than that. There is sometimes a thing about CGI in that it is too perfect. That's why companies try hard to top Toy Story. Great movie but everything is so round, hard and shiny.
The water in Howl's is like a poem about water rather than a slavish copy and therein lies the difference. ...Something like the essential difference between a painting and a photograph.
That's just one item in one scene and things like that go on throughout the movie and my eyes just basically got wider and wider. I find the whole thing just astonishing and really must look up the other movies like Spitited Away and Princess Mononoke. To paraphrase another reviewer. (This ain't CGI) "This is Art".
Ah... but you wanted to watch a film really didn't you? It works well enough but I'm going to have to give it an 8 instead of a 10. Quite simply there is something that probably makes sense in Japanese that goes wrong here and makes the story a little puzzling and disjointed in English in places. Other than that it's great. You'll continue to see some scenes in your mind's eye for months afterwards. This movie is not easily forgotten. (And my 12 year old daughter thought it was great too!)
Æon Flux (2005)
Nonsense. One for the fans only.
I like Sci-Fi so I gave it a chance. Unfortunately like many films in this genre it entertains superficially rather than delivers a rounded experience.
Central positives of the film are definitely Charlize Theron and the effects. She looks astonishing throughout and both were some sort of compensation at the cinema, but my guess if you are watching this at home is that the effects will play less of a part and negatives of this film will come even more to the fore in that smaller scale...
The big negative is that the film majors so heavily on style that any attempt at acting goes missing somewhere. Almost every line is deadpan and lacking in passion, delivered like a plank of wood was saying it. Sorry - but I just don't buy this. Sure it's "different" and it gives the film that ethereal Gattaca or Solaris like emptiness - but a film with almost no acting at all??? Please! It's not as if the stars involved can't act - they've clearly been told to do it in this deadpan style in a misguided attempt to make the film even more arty.
Verdict - If it was a book it would be one of those "coffee-table" books. A pleasant one-time distraction, but very little more. I award neutral points to the actors because I guess they were following instructions. No point for the director. Lack of emotion and a bag full of effects make a music video - not a film. We got it in the fist ten minutes already. You can't really hide behind surrealism for the entire duration, not in this medium anyway. Basically a lazy concept driven piece.
King Kong (2005)
King Kong 2005 is in very "Bad Taste" - DON'T take the kids
Peter Jackson's first film "Bad Taste" was an extravaganza of just that. Alien's descending to earth to eat people's brains and big helpings of comedy death porn all round. Sickening stuff but it was at least in it's correct context and deliberately so - the whole 'joke' in this budget cult movie being that the violence and gore were so over the top.
Now in 2005, post the glories of LOTR, we have a King Kong remake that on the face of it is an effects tour de force including exciting boaty bits in the style of Titanic, dinosaurs a la Jurassic Park and fierce natives from a lost world. It can't possibly fail right? Unfortunately Jackson does a bit too much thinking than is really necessary in the middle of the film. As our heroes fall down a steep valley there are of course no dinosaurs or giant monkeys down there, but a netherworld populated by scavengers feeding on the detritus of this savage world. Well there would be wouldn't there - ecosystems are tiered that way.
We are then treated to one of the most shocking and nauseous extended sequences of cinema it has ever been my topless to witness. It's bad enough that Kong gets it in the end (no surprise there) and that this has never in any version been the happiest of tales to grace the big screen. But now we have a whole centre section that is downright repugnant. I had to look away several times having seen many, many 18+ only films that pale in comparison to the horror shown here.
I am unsure what the censors were thinking when they decided to let 12 year old kids in to see the vile gore fest. I found myself wishing that someone had uttered the F-Word or made a sex reference so that the rating had been higher. ...Strange how our modern censors will slap on an 18 rating at the merest provocation on these two fronts yet allow children to see one of the most disgusting horror-fantasy sequences I have ever encountered.
In summary - a fair film (7/10) with a big (10/10) on effects, ruined by an overdone lost island terror sequence that is truly gratuitously horrible (zero). Do not under any circumstances take the kids to this, whatever the censor says. It's the stuff of nightmares.
J