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Willow Creek (2013)
Cryptoid Fun
I'm sure at least three people have provided a synopsis and I'm just going to assume that they were paying attention to the film. With that said, I trust that you already know what this film is about.
If you're looking for the best scary movie of all time, you're probably going to be disappointed.
If you're looking for a little sardonic humor and some pretty damned good acting, by all means watch it.
This movie was written and directed by (Arrrrrrrgggghhhhhhhh!) Bobcat Goldwaith.
How in the hell can they annoying guy from Police Academy branch out to write and direct movies? The answer is, because he's dis-functionally brilliant. You're like, "Bobcat?" and I'm like, "Yeah."
Even though this is categorized as a horror movie, it just oozes Golthwaith. The character interactions, the obvious fun-poking at the Finding Bigfoot series (It was Bobo in the woods, by the way) all scream of Bobcat.
This ain't a comedy and it's really not a horror film, it's just Bob's ADD problem, focused in a manner where all of us can enjoy it.
Watch the film, pat Bobcat on the back and move on to whatever crappy Hollywood movie that is next in your que.
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)
Held At Gunpoint And Forced To Watch
The beginning... "Yeah so Jason, we are in the process of rolling up a multimillion dollar, rolling turdball and we want you to stand atop it."
Are Statham, Liotta and Sobieski so bad with their money that they have to shame themselves into signing up for projects like this? Did Burt not save a few of those Sharkey's Machine dollars?
This movie is a train wreck from scene one.
A boomerang? Where the hell did he get a boomerang?
OK, for starters on my shredding, could this be the worst fitting cast in motion picture history?
"Hey, Burt Reynolds would be perfect to play the part of the medieval king!" What, was Betty White busy that weekend?
Ray Liotta as the evil magus? Did Michael Madsen get thrown in the drunk tank and Liotta owed him a favor?
Statham? STATHAM? There is no realistic chain of events that I can come up with that would actually encourage Statham to be in this film. Maybe he wandered onto the wrong set and figured it out about 90 days into filming?
The only good casting decision was Kristanna Loken - Lesbian wood nymph leader who kills men. Yeah, that makes sense. The only problem with Loken's casting, is the movie was rated PG-13 and she couldn't use her two best assets to win favor with a select portion of the audience.
Did I mention Burt Reynolds was cast as a medieval king? His rug looked pretty good, though.
On another note, Ron Perlman... Aw heck, he'll do pretty much anything for a buck.
So now we've talked about casting, let's talk about characters. We have knights, ninjas (Where'd they come from?) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, whose costumes were left in the oven too long. Reading the above few sentences again, I've actually convinced myself that we really don't need to talk about this anymore.
Yup, it's typical Ewe Bolle and it sucks.
It's three movies worth of crap, condensed into one movie's worth of suckdome.
I'd suggest watching a snail do tricks for ninety minutes, over sitting through this film.
The Aggression Scale (2012)
More Fun Than Washing Socks
There have been a lot of Home Alone comparisons in other reviews and I thought exactly the same thing as I was watching this idiotic mess of a film. Take the Home Alone sequel script that was dug out of a dumpster somewhere, sandwich it against the First Blood:The Teenage Years script that didn't quite take off and then hire someone with little command of the English language to skillfully weave it all together. I've seen better dialog written for WWE banters and better acting to boot! I'm not going to even bother recapping the film, because I just don't want to think about it anymore.
Should've known when Ray Wise popped up...
The Bunny Game (2011)
Meh... It's Alright
I actually believe this movie to be a little better than many other reviewers have given it credit to be. Maybe most people haven't dredged through the cesspool of horrible movies that I have. This film really brought to mind a death metal video; a death metal video that had been shot and never edited down to the five minutes of really pertinent material. Imagine splices of Cannibal Corpse bobbing their heads during certain parts of the flick and you'll totally get what I'm laying down. As far as this movie being classified in the torture porn genre, it's is a far cry from being exceptionally graphic. Most of the violence is implied and cleverly by the end of the movie, you're tricked into thinking you just watched something a lot more visceral. I thought the acting was believable, contrary to many reviews. Not a lot of dialogue, but Renfro came off as pretty creepy. The biggest problem I had with this movie (other than the fact that it got a little tedious)was the two or three minutes of graphic material that actually qualified as graphic. There was no point in it. It added absolutely nothing to the film, except for some shock value that left me scratching my head. Why the hell even bother putting that in? I won't spoil it for all of you kids out there, but I almost think they were making two movies and got some cuts mixed up.
This movie isn't bad, just a little artsy and dull. It's also two minutes of cutting away from being an easy R rating.