Reviews

I honestly don't know what this was. I had recently finished watching "The Sopranos" and it was a great show and I looked forward to watching a few episodes a night until I finished the show. Today there was nothing to watch and I remembered this movie. My girlfriend and I decided to give it a try. About 30 minutes into it I said to her that this wasn't along the lines of The Sopranos at all and that I predicted I would not even acknowledge this movie existing after viewing it. 90 minutes later when it thankfully ended, I stood correct. This movie is dead to me after I finish this review. What a boring, unnecessary movie with such a mediocre storyline and writing. I get it - the creators of it knew with all the fans of the show, this abomination would bring in money and that's all it was. Worship the mighty green God and dish out a weak product. Good job, you disappointed thousands of people with brains in their heads. One thing that perplexed me was that notable characters like Silvio, Paulie Walnuts, and Uncle Junior were so boring and had no personalities. I really don't care about Dickie Moltisanti. He was another incredibly unremarkable character and I couldn't even find myself caring about him. The movie should have been named "Gotcha B---ch: The Lifeless Story of Dickie Moltisanti".

A very predictable movie. I filled in the gaps early on and just waited the whole time for them to reveal the mediocre twist which is what I figured all along. I ended up having more questions than answers in the movie so here are a bunch of questions to show why this movie got a low rating. Why was the husband (Frank) who hit the dog/animal with his car such a beta male? How was his wife (Teeny) able to find the location of the injured animal but not the house she was looking for? Why was she too weak to end the animal's suffering? Does no one have smartphones in this movie? If this movie was set in an earlier year, I could see that. Why don't people just simply call the police? How could the woman (Teeny) hold the rifle so terribly and still hit the "wrong" target? Why wasn't the wife (Margo) concerned at the end when the husband (Adam) was having a meltdown? We know what cantaloupe is but what is rutabaga? Would have been nice to know. The movie was a mess and I couldn't take the ridiculousness anymore.

I didn't know what to expect when I turned it on. Sure, here's a romantic comedy that should be fine to pass the time with. Wow, I was wrong. The stuff that got to me was how fake everything was. Two people who are both in "on and off again" relationships who just happen to live next to each other. By the way, how did a single girl who is a med student afford a house right on the water? You got to love the far-fetched stories rich people come up with. The main actress Teresa Palmer didn't feel right in the role. My girlfriend and I both picked up on that. Like the chemistry wasn't there between her and the main male lead. Her character didn't have much of a personality. Then they just kept bumping into each other everywhere. A restaurant, the boardwalk, the vet office, the clown factory. Juist name it, they unintentionally bumped into each other there. Anyway, they ride on a motorcycle and they get rained out right near his father's church and they have to go inside. And then her panties get even moister. My God, how much more corny and cliched can this get? It was honesty cornier than a Hallmark movie. I had to take a #2 pencil into the toilet and when I got back, my girlfriend had thankfully fast forwarded to the very end. The main guy should have just stayed with Alexandra D'Daddario. It would have been a more enjoyable movie. In the end, he made the wrong choice. Now that I think of it, the movie should have been called "The Wrong Choice" for two reasons. I made the wrong choice selecting the movie and the main guy made the wrong choice in the movie.

This was a weird and disappointing movie. When we put it on, we didn't know what to expect. The "trailer" we got was just a pointless scene but the caption of the movie seemed somewhat interesting. We soon realized it was going to be a little outrageous but didn't know how outrageous. As it went on, we got annoyed at how implausible this whole premise was starting at the general store interaction with the two sisters. I can't name how many times we rolled our eyes and were like "really?" It was just so over the top and to have boring housewives be so brash and commit horrendous crimes as if they were hardened criminals wasn't believable at all. Plus, to get that many psychopaths/sociopaths together was improbable and their roller coaster-like emotional reactions were very annoying. I'm baffled at the semi-high rating. Maybe people are easily entertained or haven't seen decent movies.

I should have known the movie was bad when it had an alternate title and was made in 2020 but listed as new in 2021. The old "DVD sitting on a shelf" routine.

Strange movie. It's a Christmas movie but looked like it was filmed in May. Green grass everywhere. I even studied the sun and the shadows with my protractor held against the TV and determined the sun was in the sky at a 66 degree angle. Thus, x = Dewey decimal divided by the quotient of the magnitude of the mulva which in turn equals "science". Also the town had just three residents in it with the occasional presence of a delusional man who thought he was Father Christmas. Jake Epstein was the only male who lived in town and in turn, got stuck doing all the undesirable jobs like creating a new stove pot out of molten magma, spot welding a broken plastic tree ornament, and plunging the community outhouse with just a fistful of anger.

I found it odd that the main girl was supposedly a famous author who wrote about a real town in her generic romance novels and none of her fans visited this famous town. When the town couldn't afford to stay a town any longer, the government was going to foreclose on the town and sell it to the highest bidder, Mr. Billion. Excuse me, sir, how much would you pay for this tree? How about a park bench? For just 10 cents a day, you too can own a blade of grass in Maple Creek. Make sure to mow your blade of grass once a week.

The best character was Kayla. I'd rather see a movie based on her. Anyway, this movie will never be watched again by me.

I gave it a chance and the first episode or two were bearable. I finally had enough when the Tran family did a "spa day" at a massage chair store and were giving the mother a manicure as she sat in a massage chair. It's so over the top and disrespectful to store owners and employees with wasting their time and getting free services without intentions of paying just like with the ice cream samples. It's either fake or staged or just sociopathic people and either way, I don't care to see this sham of a show anymore. The other families were just as bad too.

What was this? It was so annoying trying to watch. One thing I can't stand is a voice-over narration of every little thing happening and whenever a new unnecessary character was introduced, their info would be written on the screen showing their name, who they were, and their net worth. Newsflash: no one cares. This movie reminded me of that extremely mediocre Lifetime movie called "The Secret Sex Life of a Single Mom" (2014). Annoying main character with other characters who have the personalities of dead moths with a constant background narration going on. Spoiler alert: you're not interesting at all. Go back to doing your only talent - spreading your legs.

Welcome to Plato's Cave where the media only shows you mediocrity and those who don't know anything else will think this woke puppet show is amazing. I tuned into this just to see how bad it was and I got exactly what I expected: garbage. Unfunny people and Scarlett Johansson accepting an award via webcam. Hey hollywood, have you figured it out yet that the intelligent members of the population are tired of your unwelcome presence? You might want to appease your audience. Low viewership and low ratings are the new norm for these pretenders and puppets.

What did I just watch? It was a dragged out movie with the most ineffective characters. It was such a convoluted movie so here's a rundown. Two moron criminal brothers decide to rob a convenience store and basically steal $11. In the process, the clerk and a pregnant woman are killed. 3 people dead for $11. The secondary bad guy is shot in the leg by a 30-30 rifle by the now deceased clerk and then walks around pretty good following it. The bad guys' best avenue is to wait for the doctor (Chad Michael Murray) to leave the hospital and follow him home and hoping the brother doesn't succumb to his wound. The main bad guy cuts live high voltage wire to the home with a pair of cutters. The wounded bad guy tells the unhinged main bad guy to not kill anyone. Every time he asks the main bad guy not to kill people, more people die. The main bad guy shoots and kills the grandmother for no reason at all. The main bad guy wants Chad Mandelbaum Murray to patch his wounded brother up but then shoots Murray in the shoulder so he's less effective as a surgeon. There's a sappy heart to heart conversation between Bruce Willis and Chaz Montgomery Merman as the bad guy is approaching them. Bruce Willis leads the main bad guy on a 25 mph low speed chase for no reason. Bruce Willis chooses to untie his daughter-in-law instead of just simply killing the bad guy. The daughter-in-law picks up the shotgun as Bruce Willis does nothing and she completely misses the bad guy from 10' away. Chode Michael Murdock fires and hits the main bad guy with two back to back rounds within a half second one-handed with a revolver. Impressive. Overall, another cranked out hollywood movie with a poor script and the only draw are big name actors.

The first episode was "The Monkey's Paw" and it was so convoluted. Like Bruce Davison's (funeral director) wife holds the paw and wished out loud for money but then later she died accidentally and her life insurance policy gave him the money she wished for. Then he holds the paw and wished her back to life but she was in the coffin and he dug her up and she was a zombie and attacked him. He then wished she was dead again. Then he wished for a "killer" to come into his life to kill him because he wanted to die but didn't want to do suicide. So this woman Hannah Barefoot crashes her car nearby and he saves her and she's a killer. He tells her about the paw and his zombie wife. She ends up shooting and killing him because he catches on fire from the fireplace or something (really stupid) and then she takes the paw. She had previously killed her husband out of mercy since he was suffering in a hospital and she shot him in the head. Yeah, no one would suspect anything. But when she got the paw, apparently at this point in the show, she just had to think thoughts that the viewer is unaware of and then she'd get a wish. Huh? The monkey's paw was in the back seat and I guess she'd think of something unbeknownst to the viewer and then a finger would curl and stay down. So I guess one silent wish was getting the keys to his car. Then the other was getting the car to start since it was dead for no reason. I was like WTF is happening? Then at the end she gets to the morgue and finds her dead husband in a room with other dead bodies. She wishes something in her mind I guess and apparently but then all the dead in the morgue rose because she wanted her husband to be alive again. Did she not learn from the guy who told her about his zombie wife??? Then the next episode was about zombies and someone online said it was a continuation from the Monkey's Paw episode with the dead being risen. I had no idea there even was a connection at all. It was such a short episode with an undeveloped story line. Disappointing show.

There are so many undeveloped characters and the plot is so convoluted that it's a chore trying to figure out how each person is related to the others. At one point Patrick Stewart has sex with his daughter's friend and ruins the wedding. Also first cousins end up being intimate with each other. More hollywood deviance as always.

This movie looked promising but quickly I realized it was going nowhere. Unlikable characters with no personalities that can't connect to the viewer. I had to fast forward and shut it off early after giving it about 45 minutes of my time. My girlfriend said the whole movie seemed to be made just to promote the bands/songs in it. Notice how all the older reviews are 9/10 and 10/10 and the newer ones are more like 1/10? The old ones are fake reviews by people who worked on the movie. Their reviews sound more like the plot of the movie and encouraging others to watch their less than mediocre work instead of a legit viewer getting enjoyment from a movie they happened upon.