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The Last Stop in Yuma County (2023)
Pisses me off how dumb everyone in this movie is...
Especially the sheriff and his incompetent partner. A bank got robbed in your middle of nowhere small town, and you, the sheriff, instead of being out on the road looking for suspects or for their trail, LITERALLY SIT IN YOUR OFFICE AND PLAY WITH TOYS?!?! And then your wife calls you and drops the phone just as you pick it up, and you don't think that's suspicious? And the dumb police officer doesn't recognize the car in front of the diner and doesn't think that the robbers of the bank could be here, or might have driven by, on THE ONLY ROAD TO MEXICO nearby?
The whole premise of this movie is irritatingly stupid, that's why I'm giving it only a 6/10. It's very unrealistic and therefore frustrating to watch. Yes it's tense, but the tension comes from a bunch of incredibly unrealistic little pieces of scenarios and unbelievable coincidences that together amount to a lot of plot armor basically.
Also, the movie ends in the most unfair and frustrating way possible. Essentially, it feels like the movie was made to make the viewer mad.
1899 (2022)
Decent, but ultimately plagued by the Netflix Disease. Comparing it to Dark is purely a marketing move because that was a vastly superior and far more complete series.
6.5/10
Let me explain what I mean by "Netlifx Disease", and why I'm so strongly opposed to what Netflix has become nowadays, because I truly believe they're ruining entertainment.
The primary goal of Netflix is NOT to provide good entertainment. Their primary goal is to provide entertainment for a LONG TIME, so you watch their platform for as long as possible and pay the subscription for as long as possible. For that reason, all of their exclusive movies and shows have been "slow burners", but in a bad way. A slow burner that requires intelligent thought, analysis, that's rewarding at the end, is fine. But 1899 is not that. The plot isn't particularly complex or hard to follow at all, yet, it's presented in such a stretched out way. Dark was not plagued by this as it was still made very much independently, but 1899 fully suffers from all the symptoms.
- 90% of the running time are filler scenes, scenes of no value whatsoever, usually filled with silence, pointless and badly written conversations, slow motion sequences, and just uncomfortably long, clearly overly stretched out scenes for no reason other than to make them longer. There's no artistic value or any other value in what they do, all they do is extend the running time. For that reason, every episode that's 1 hour long realistically has enough content for 20 minutes, and that's a stretch. This whole season of 8 hours could have been a 2 hour movie, and it would still feel too long. Dark didn't suffer from that. Dark was the complete opposite, every episode was so filled with content and complexity it was hard to follow it all at times. Every second of every episode was relevant and the viewers were given some piece of crucial information or relevant information. When it comes to 1899 you can skip 5 minute segments and not miss anything, and even if you do miss something, it's of no particular value.
- Literally needless sexual and gender politics being aggressively shoved into the viewers face. This is something that's become a norm with Netflix and American TV in general, it's like every movie and series is a political message.
- Every episode is literally made in the same exact pattern. The first 90% is completely stretched out and virtually nothing happens that couldn't be comfortably covered in 15 minutes with no atmosphere, context, depth, etc. Lost. Then the last 10% suddenly ramp up, so you're left with a cliffhanger that makes you wanna watch the next episode. What Netflix does with this is masterful mind-control and manipulation of the viewer. They make their episodes just long enough to make you start feeling bored, and just when you'd say "screw this" and turn it off, something interesting happens that intrigues you and keeps you watching. Sadly, this show isn't remotely the worst example of that.
- I like the fact that it's mainly a European cast and there's multiple langues being spoken, but it's so badly done, there's a scene after scene of totally unrealistic interactions between characters who apparently don't understand each other, yet they communicate as if they do. Clearly, the show has subtitles so we as viewers understand what's going on, but the characters in the show act as if they do as well. Point being, this is totally not how two people who can't speak the same language would interact.
- Finally I'm giving this a 6.5/10 because of a fairly interesting story and a concept, but I wish the makers of the show were not in such a tight grasp of Netflix. It's not their fault the show ended up being far worse than it could have been.
Moonfall (2022)
This movie perfectly uncapsulates everything wrong with the CGI movie industry...
I'm getting tired of this. I really am. I feel like the intelligence-insulting nature of the so-called CGI movie industry has reached a point where movies are no longer worth watching, even as brainless entertainment. Other than CGI effects, these movies (including Moonfall) have absolutely no positives to them. The acting is bad or mediocre at best, the writing is mediocre at best, the stories are just intelligence-insulting (luckily for moviemakers, most of the viewers have no intelligence to begin with).
As everything else in this world ruled by mediocrity, stupidity and willful ignorance, the movie industry is sinking as well.
Mine 9 (2019)
7.4 is ridiculous for this movie
I have no clue how this movie has a 7.4 rating.
It's a low budget, low quality movie by all aspects. Writing is sub-par, directing equally so, acting is mostly terrible and by actors nobody has ever heard of before, CGI is so bad they should have left it out, literally fire and explosion effects like in video games of the early 2000's.
As I've said, a BUDGET movie. It's not terrible, but it's not above 5. I give it a solid 5/10 for the message that shows how tough the job of a miner is, but the movies it self is more of a 4/10.
The Irishman (2019)
Great, but far from perfect.
Let me be clear, it's very difficult reviewing this movie without taking into consideration the names in it. There's obviously bias, there has to be. This movie is like an end of an era, and it features all the actors that made that era as amazing as it was. However, it's clear they're all past their prime, and it's clear they're all just a small fraction of what they used to be. Pesci is great, it might actually be his best role ever, unfortunately, he gets relatively little screen time and plays a side-role. Pacino is good, but overacts a lot. De Niro? Oh boy... what did they do to him. I really, really don't like how CGI-heavy this movie looks, and it's pretty obvious when you know how these actors look in person and how old they are, and then compare that to how they look in the movie... BUT DE NIRO, I've seen animated movies in the last few years that seem less CGI than his face. First of all, his eyes are stupidly blue, like...impossibly blue, you've never seen anyone in your life with eyes as blue as his in the movie. Combine that with the fact that almost every scene involving him is a close up (for a reason I'm getting to now), and it's very hard to ignore.
Now... De Niro is 76 years old, but in the movie they attempt to make him look young... and it REALLY, REALLY doesn't work. Any scene with him walking or doing anything but sitting is really awkward. He looks and moves like an old man. His hands and fingers are all deformed like an old mans hands, but he has a CGI face of a 40 year old. His assassinations look awkward, the way he holds the guns, the way he shoots, the way he fights..looks exactly like a 76 year old doing it.
So CGI is pretty badly masking what it's trying to mask... another bad part is the gore. We all know mobster movies are full of blood, and this was no exception. There are plenty of people shot on camera, with blood splattering around, with bullet holes shown from close by, etc. The issue is, THEY ALL LOOK FAKE. BADLY FAKED, bad CGI, like in a low budget film, not a 160 million one.
As far as the story goes, it's good, it's what you expect from a mobster/political movie, it's slow, long, but doesn't feel like it's dragging. The issue is you know how it's gonna end, and that's always a problem with movies based on a true story.
To conclude, as an homage to these great names, it's a decent send-off. Don't expect a movie like Goodfellas, this ain't it. This is a much darker movie, focused much more on death, on people aging. There's not as much "mobster romance" as in other similar movies, it's more a miserable story showing a movie realistic picture of what it's like to be a mobster, rather than focusing on expensive cars, suits, hotels, food, jewellery, etc. It's the most HUMAN of all mobster movies I can think of. Still, it leaves me feeling a tiny bit disappointed, because it's NOT as good as it would have been and could have been had it been filmed 20 years ago. And that's sad. Not only because of the movie, but because of the actors. Watching this makes it hard not to feel like it's a good bye.
Midsommar (2019)
It's one of those "IQ test" movies
If you dislike it, you failed the IQ test.
All these people giving it 1/10 are just intellectually incapacitated and therefore incapable of enjoying anything out of the ordinary, and incapable of enjoying a movie that doesn't have a well defined beginning and end.
Watch it, unless you're one of those people who thinks that horror movies should have jump scares every 30 seconds and that all movies need a happy end.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
This is one of those rare movies that are so bad I JUST HAVE to write a review on it
What the hell was this? Seriously...how do projects such as these get funded? Who pays for this garbage? Who payed for all the pretty famous actors in it? Does nobody in the movie industry have ANY sense of self-worth anymore and they're ready to make any movie, no matter how bad, just to make a few bucks?
If I had to describe this movie, I'd say it's a pseudo-intellectual attempt to make a zombie movie with a Fargo-style slow pace and dark humor, BUT, it's a complete failure and it ends up being obnoxious, boring, painfully unfunny and leaves me with a sense that the people behind this movie are either mentally challenged, or they've stolen the script from some kids elementary school locker, OR are simply trolling the audience and made the movie this bad on purpose, because it's almost hard to imagine a movie turning out this bad by accident.
I gave it 2 stars for the possibility of this being a trolling movie, which would actually be the funniest and most interesting thing about it.
Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
Complete and utter crap wrapped in a foil of CGI
This movie is just one of many in line that are 100% focused on CGI and have stories so incredibly stupid in every way, that even if they were written by 7 year olds, it would not be cruel to make fun of them. Absolutely disgraceful what the movie industry has fallen to, when complete imbeciles have the funding and opportunity to make movies using technology that's way beyond their story writing and telling ability.
Stranger Things: Chapter One: Suzie, Do You Copy? (2019)
Several issues...
First of all... the good old american tradition of blaming russians, whenever you need an enemy or someone to present in a negative light, for whatever reason, resort to russians and make them look evil people. For that alone I take 5 stars off of it, because I simply can't tolerate the constant brainwashing against russians in the US...we'll literally start seeing cartoons for 3 year olds in america made with russians being the bad characters in them. I mean, I would even understand it if that was the case in real life, but it's not, if anything the opposite is more true.
Second, they're doing the same thing that the big bang theory did...start off with a show aimed at one thing, and then turn it into cheesy romance that drops what made it popular to begin with.
Third, after seeing Dark, it's obvious that ST had a horrible release timing...to come out a few days after Dark season 2 was a terrible move, because it's obvious that the germans are infinitely better writers, actors, directors, composers, etc. than the team behind ST.
Dark: Enden und Anfänge (2019)
Oh that damn cliffhanger
I wish I had a time machine now to travel into the future so I could watch season 3 right now. There is nothing worse than this waiting period.
The Big Bang Theory: The Stockholm Syndrome (2019)
You only start missing it once it's gone...
I kinda took this show for granted in the last couple of seasons...sort of just accepting that it's there, 20 minutes per episode, watched it here and there, but never really thought about how I'd feel at the end. Man did it hit me hard. I remembered the times when I first started watching it...being away at college, away from home and friends, but also a nerd, very like the characters in this show...it helped me get through hard times and like I was around someone even when I was alone. Remembering all of it now really makes my heart hurt and there's an emptiness in me that I don't know how to fill...I guess watching re-runs will help, but it somehow doesn't feel the same. I'll really miss these guys, it was the one thing I could always rely on and the one thing that would always make me feel good. Like a weekly dose of happiness. It's hard accepting that it's over. I haven't felt like this since Friends and Seinfeld ended.
It was an amazing ride and it was a pleasure being alive exactly at the right time and at the right age to really feel at one with the characters.
Game of Thrones: The Last of the Starks (2019)
The writers of this show are complete and utter imbeciles.
I have nothing more to say, anyone with an IQ above 60 would agree with that. The opinions of those who don't are irrelevant.
Stupid people ruin everything, I've always said that. GOT is just another thing in line...
Top Gear: Episode #26.4 (2019)
This was a great episode
Felt like the good old Top Gear, the "star in a reasonably priced car" still feels unnecessary, but the rest of the episode made up for it. Good cars, a lot of fun challenges, forcing old luxury cars to do things they were never meant to do, culminating with a 6 hour race on Silverstone.
Hunter Killer (2018)
Skip if your IQ is above 60
An idiotic movie with an idiotic premise, and obviously a part of the stupid american war propaganda machine meant to make everything american seem as perfect and good and everything russian as bad and evil. The irony is, their military actions in the real world are the exact opposite.
Oh and...it took SEAL's over a decade to find a guy they educated and financed at one point...who in the hell would want them involved in finding a russian president? His grandchildren would be long gone before SEAL's would find him. Russia has far more competent special forces, I'm sure they don't need the glorified and overrated SEAL's (who get destroyed on all international competitions).
The Grand Tour: The Colombia Special Part 2 (2019)
Ok, this was better than the 1st part...
I gave the first part 5/10 stars because it was very disappointing and felt stretched out, but the 2nd part was much better and much more along the lines of what you'd expect from this show.
The only thing that I have to ask now is...did it have to be a 2 part Special? The 1st episode could have easily been 20 minutes long if edited and paced properly, and we could have had a single 1 hour 20 minutes long episode without the boring first part that made me pause it several times and literally fast forward some sections, which I've never done before on TG or TGT.
The Grand Tour: The Colombia Special Part 1 (2019)
It's really not as good as it used to be...
Don't get me wrong, it's not horrible, but when I remember (and re-watch) some of the old Top Gear specials, the Bolivia special for example, it's obvious that this is not even a shadow of it. I mean, it just felt really boring and drawn out. An hour of the show, but close to nothing interesting happened. It's just like a filler shot after a filler shot, broken by a few generic conversations and lame jokes. It just feels like something that in the past would fit into a 15 minute section, but has now been dragged out into an hour long episode. The pacing is all wrong, it feels wrong, like every irrelevant scene is at least twice as long as it should be, and then when something potentially interesting comes along, they skip it quickly. The Bolivia special was only 20 minutes longer than this, but it feels like it's 5 times as long and like 5 times as much content is in it. I know because I just finished re-watching it, and it's so much better than this Colombia special that it genuinely makes me sad, because it's clear that the magic the old show had is long gone. The guys seem to feel that way too, because it seems like the connection they used to have between each other and with what they were doing at the time is not there anymore. Old specials felt like three mates went on an adventure and really enjoyed doing something together. This episode felt like three guys are getting payed to do something together, and not even necessarily act like they're enjoying it.
Hereditary (2018)
Chilling, sustained, proper horror
This is one of the very few modern horror movies that does the horror right. There's not a single jump scare in the entire movie, just a constant sensation of horror, at moments extremely intense, enough to send shivers down your spine. The movie industry has brainwashed people into believing that horror movies are about jump scares, and I've been saying that it's the cheapest way to fool people. Jump scares are scary by definition, they just startle people. There's a difference startling someone and really making them scared. The ending could have been better, but this is a proper mystery/horror movie. Acting is excellent, it's properly filmed, the soundtrack is haunting.
A Quiet Place (2018)
One of those rare times when I'm forced to write a bad review...
...due to the fact that this movie has a 7.8 score as we speak, which is pretty damn high, especially for a horror movie, and I just don't see how.
That said, it's possibly the most overrated movie I've seen in a long time, in fact I can't think of another movie that was this heavily overrated. I don't understand how a movie with such mediocre acting, a very basic and superficial story with zero detail or depth behind it, so many brainless moments, so many obvious plot holes and things just that make no sense or things that nobody with a hint of common sense and intelligence would do... can have such a high rating. This is a type of movie that goes to extreme lengths with the stupidity of characters and the stupidity of the choices in the plot just for the sake of creating moments of tension that otherwise wouldn't be there, and I don't like that. I don't even have to mention all the lame jump scares that are there literally for no reason other than to be jump scares, which is a showcase of a bad horror movie in 9 out of 10 cases, since anyone can just create random loud things that happen out of nowhere when you don't expect them, especially in a movie with no talking and only ambient sounds 90% of the time.
It feels like a movie made for people who like to shut their brains off while watching, because that's the only way I can imagine watching this movie without being incredibly irritated by the stupidity of it almost constantly. I won't even go into how bad the design of the monsters is, how the things on their bodies happen opposite to the laws of nature (muscles on their heads working the opposite of how they actually do) and how little sense from a biological and evolutionary aspect creates like that make, it's virtually impossible they would evolve anywhere in the universe, that is if they're aliens, which I assume they are. It's just too deep to go into and the deeper you go into it the less sense it makes, which is why this is a movie, as I said, for people who like to keep their brains on stand-by most of the time.
Usually IMDB is pretty accurate when it comes to ratings and I very rarely disagree with them, but this one is so incredibly off that it feels like the makers of the movie hired a couple of hundred people to give the movie high scores. This is a 6/10 movie, AT BEST, all things considered, I have to give it a lower rating to balance things out.
Top Gear: Episode #25.1 (2018)
5.3? Really?!?!
At this moment this episode has a 5.3 rating, and I don't see any other explanation of it other than the usual Top Gear haters giving it bad marks without actually having watched a single episode of Top Gear since the old trio left the show.
This episode was as good or better than anything on the latest season of The Grand Tour, so in case the low rating put you off, don't let it. Watch it.
The Grand Tour: Feed the World (2018)
Controversial approach to a serious problem
I can see why the rating of this episode is so low. It's not because the episode itself is bad, it's a very typical "special" episode, feels much like old Top Gear special episodes, it's all in one piece, no guests, reviews or studio scenes. In fact it's the most "Top Geary" of all TGT episodes so far in terms of how it was filmed and how it felt to watch.
What is bad is the fact that they approach a topic of a country being incredibly poor and people in it starving with an overly silly approach, almost mocking the misfortune of the people indirectly, because they've wasted enough food to feed a 50 people during this episode. It also contains multiple scenes of what some people might consider to be "fish abuse", if you like. Of course, catching fish, killing it, eating it, etc. is a part of nature, as harsh as it may be, especially in parts of the world where people are desperately trying to survive, so expecting a "humane" approach from them is less than realistic.
Overall it's a pretty good episode, as long as you approach it knowing that it's going to have things in it that some people might find offensive or repulsive, consider it a more serious episode, a sort of mockocumentary dealing with problems of poverty, lack of food, lack of infrastructure, etc.
Project Almanac (2015)
A movie that insults the viewers intelligence
This is a movie so stupid that I felt personally offended while watching it. The depth of stupidity in pretty much every line of dialogue and every scene in the movie is remarkable. I don't understand how anyone can make a movie like this by accident, I refuse to believe it, so I think it was made this badly on purpose, it's basically a trolling movie. Why do I think that? Well, if one is so incredibly incompetent and untalented to only be able to come up with a movie this bad, it's reasonable to assume they would not be in a position to make a movie in the first place. However, somehow, these people got the opportunity.
I know many movies are made with zero care about the substance and their sole purpose is to make money. I understand that. But those are usually lighthearted comedies or mindless highschool dramas. When a movie is SO DAMN up it's own a** and tries to present itself as a movie about a highly intellectual topic, but at the same time is incredibly stupid on every single level, then I don't understand it. This is a movie that made me feel like the people who filmed it were trolling me, like they were laughing and pointing fingers at me because I was naive enough to keep watching the crap they came up with. They make these teenagers talk and behave in such a way that it makes them seem so deeply dumb that I would be impressed if any of them could replace a lightbulb, yet they solve one of the most complex problems in existence, while not even paying that much attention to it. Everything that happens in between is just horribly badly thought out and shows that the filmmakers imagined the viewers would have IQ's around 60 and absolutely no understanding or knowledge of anything around them. That's the only way you can watch this garbage and not feel offended or not understand what's so wrong with it. I'm afraid to imagine how dumb one has to be to actually enjoy watching this, but ok...It's an insult to intelligence, insult to common sense, insult to science and to the movie industry.
The Grand Tour: Past, Present or Future (2017)
I felt the same as Clarkson and May did in the show while I was watching it...
Most of the time during this episode nothing interesting whatsoever happened. Other than nice looking shots of Swiss nature and roads combined with the usual hectic editing of guys driving around, what we got was pointless over-exaggerations, each of the three guys making fun of the other two cars in a completely silly and non-factual way, and a lot of, by now very, stale and washed out humor...oh, and a lot of very boring shots of guys being bored while driving slowly through tight city centers. Twice. Two days in a row.
Following that comes the guest portion of the show which featured a man nobody outside of the UK has ever heard of and the Hoff, who honestly looked like he couldn't wait to get out of there. The whole guest part was a pure cringe inducing mess. Uncomfortable to watch.
The only fun part of the episode was the first few minutes during the season intro, and the last 5-10 minutes with the drag race and the hill climb that resulted in a crash.
What I'm trying to say is that this is no longer a car show. This is just a slightly funny show that has some cars in it. If you watched this episode to find out anything about either of the three cars featured...well..tough luck. People like to make fun of the "new Top Gear" on BBC for being bad, but quite honestly, this was much worse than anything from the last season of Top Gear.
I hope this episode was a fluke and it won't happen again in the rest of the season. 9.3/10 (at the moment) seems like an incredibly unrealistic score. As someone who's been following Top Gear for more than 10 years I would not give this episode more than 6/10.
Very disappointing overall. It had so much potential with the cars featured.
Top Gear: Episode #24.2 (2017)
There is really no reason to hate this show anymore.
Honestly, I didn't particularly like the 23rd season of Top Gear, it was a massive change for the worse and just didn't feel right at all, it's best to forget it ever happened, even though it wasn't nearly as bad as the 2/10 rating on this website would suggest.
With the new 24th season however, things are looking MUCH better. Harris, LeBlanc and Reid are a far better team now than they were last year. There are genuinely funny moments in the show, the atmosphere is friendly and relaxing and they really feel like they've been doing this for a very long time. I dare to say the show feels less scripted than The Grand Tour, as remarkable as that might seem. They're not as iconic as the old trio, obviously, but let's go back to the time when Clarkson, Hammond and May were at the beginning of their Top Gear career...judging just on that, the new trio's future looks even brighter.
I like the new style of including celebrities into the show, with all three presenters talking to the guest at the same time, and including the guest into what used to be "the news" segment of the show. It just feels more natural than a one-on-one style that Clarkson used to do. They finally have a properly challenging car for the quests to drive as well. Cinematography in the show is as good as ever, BBC knows what they're doing, they obviously have huge budgets and are taking the show seriously. Is it as good as "old" Top Gear? Well...yes, and no. Overall, I still prefer the old trio, simply because I've spent so much time watching that show and became so familiar with the old chaps that I feel like watching old friends on the screen having fun. However, these first two episodes in the 24th season are really good, better than the ratings (7,5 at the moment) suggest, and I assume that is due to people still giving the show bad ratings simply because they're unwilling to accept the change.
If they continue in the same direction, we have a lot of happy hours ahead of us. The best part is, the old trio is not going anywhere, so we can now watch two shows at the same time. Double the content. Who can hate on that? In fact, The Grand Tour is a format that suits the old trio far better, after all, episodes with epic roads trips or challenges were what made the old Top Gear great in the first place. On the other hand, the new trio are a great team, they seem to fit together well and this format of the show with individual car reviews (which Harris does best, sorry Clarkson) and smaller challenges or duels really suits them.
8/10