tony-segreto's Reviews

$#*! My Dad Says (2010–2011)

3/10

7 October 2010

I have read the $#*! My Dad Says Twitter, I found it to be amusing, when I heard it was going to be developed into a TV show I was very intrigued on how they would go about doing it.

That is where the disappointment kicks in, they simply didn't do it. It is obviously filmed very cheaply and it really had little to no point.

William Shatner basically plays a boring role of Red from That 70's Show. His son is just down right boring. And the two other cast members that I have met so far were just yanked from MadTV.

The laugh track is also EXTREMELY annoying. I would not be surprised if this show got canceled before the end of the first season.

It would be much better if a group like Derrick Comedy or Reckless Tortuga just did 10 minute skits on certain instances.

If you are a huge William Shatner fan you might like it, however I tend to find his Priceline commercials more comical.

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The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (2009)

1/10

Did you like Crank/Shoot 'em Up?

1 November 2009

If your the kind of person who liked the movie Crank and Shoot 'em Up, then you will like the sequel to the Boondock Saints. The action very poor, the acting is horrid, the humor is so juvenile it is mind numbing, and the plot... well, I think I can sum it up like this - the screen play might have been written by a drunken four year old with a coloring book. I am a huge fan of the original, but this movie is just ridiculous. On top of the movie being awful - you had a really big sense that they did not know where they wanted to take the so called plot, many characters were useless, I was just waiting for it to end. On a side note, the actors and actresses were very visually unappealing - don't expect the same handsome fellas from 10 years prior, and Julia Benz (whom I think is a stunning woman) looked awful. The fake accents were also awful. Really big disappointment. It is not one of the sequels that will corrupt the original for you, simply because it is almost a parody of the original. The best part is when a familiar face gives a little monologue lifted directly out of the film Fight Club.

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Funny People (2009)

5/10

This is an easy review.

1 August 2009

I really wish IMDb did not insist on 1,000 words/10 lines of text to review a film because this one is EASY.

Watch the the trailer, if you thought it was funny - don't see the movie.

Basically the trailer has most of the funniest parts in the movie in it, you had -no- feeling or sympathy for any of the characters, some of the characters proved to be completely useless and cliché.

I was not a big fan of Pineapple Express but this was a HUGE let down, I was expecting MUCH MUCH MUCH more. I found my self looking at my watch the entire time, it ran long.

On a side note - if you are a huge Die Hard fan, there might be a few moments you will chuckle at, but you already know that because you saw the trailer. Speaking of the trailer, some of the funniest lines from the trailer were not in the film.

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17 Again (2009)

7/10

Pretty good!

2 May 2009

Think 13 Going On 30 meets Mrs. Doubtfire with a hint of Risky Business - You have 17 Again. I don't know much about Zac Efron but I did enjoy the rest of the cast a lot. Every single time I saw Efron, I couldn't help but think of Tom Cruise from Risky Business - none the less he didn't do a poor job, how ever my friend informed me that his role in the begging was very similar to High School Musical. The story was heartwarming, disturbing (in a funny way) at times, and funny.

The character of Ned did an excellent job of making the "transformation" not seem (too) silly. No special magics, no bumps on the head, no gamma rays.

It's not a waste of time, check it out.

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The Incredible Hulk (2008)

4/10

Boring

13 June 2008

I will be the first to admit; I did not watch the television series, I did not read the comic books, I might of caught the last half of the 2003 Hulk on FX one night. However Edward Norton is one of my favorite actors. This movie made me yawn numerious times. It was so generic, thin plot, not much character development (besides a few bad guys?), seeing big green monsters box over and over again gets boring after around 2 minuets. Now I usually like Marvel movies, even though I do not read comic books - I liked X-Men, I Loved Iron Man, and Batman Returns was great. Saw the 12:00 showing of Hulk, and I was far from impressed. The action didn't even get my blood pumping, it had much more action then Iron Man yet it did not nearly have the same effect. I apologize for comparing the two but I would rather pay to see Iron Man for the fourth time then see The Incredible Hulk again. I am actually looking forward to seeing The Happening tomorrow.

And a few notes:

Tim Roth was excellent Brazilian Woman should of had much more screen time Despite how bad the 2003 Hulk was, not many women can beat Jennifer Connelly.

Movies that were comparable/better: -Doom (Yes I am serious) -Godzilla (The newer one)

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Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

5/10

Better then Paul Anderson's AvP

25 December 2007

I am a big Alien and Predator fan. To all the fans - you will not be let down. The brothers did pretty well with what they were given. Personally my main problem with AvP and AvP-R is the fact that you can view what the Aliens and Predators are doing. Where as you did not get a glimpse of the Predator in the original until it was wounded.

They did a fair job at giving the characters some background history, but I don't understand why they would give us 50% of the story (Between the two teenagers, ex-con, and the 'leading lady, who recently came back form the military). One second there is family problems and then all emotions disappear and Aliens and Predators are killing everything.

The brothers went pretty big - there is much gore and almost taboo killings which was very unexpected.

Overall, the trailer for AvP-R was better then the entire movie of AvP. If you watched AvP without wanting to kill yourself between the human-Predator love scenes then you will most most likely enjoy this film.

It is difficult to review this film due to the fact that I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone and to give a decent review on this film it is a must.

As a fan of Aliens and Predator since 2nd grade I left happy. (and yeah, I still have all the action figures)

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I Am Legend (2007)

6/10

All recent zombie movies + Cast Away = I Am Legend

18 December 2007

I saw the first showing of this film at 11:59 PM. I have never read the book and do not know the premise of the book, so my review is going to circle completely around the movie. First of all the acting was pretty good, Will Smith did a great job (But I gotta say the dog was better). When I watched the previews I did not know what to expect from this film, was it a suspense film, horror, science fiction? The film revolves around a military scientist, who just so happens to be the only living immune person in it in all of New York City. He tries to live a normal life, renting films, talking to statues he set up, and his most important thing is his dog. He is working on a cure for this mutated virus in his basement.

There is something lurking in the shadows, this virus has created zombie-vampires. They cannot go into sun or their flesh will melt (Anyone seen Buffy lately?) There jaws are able to open very wide to consume flesh. And the virus is transmitted by blood.

Some people find him and he has a hard time with communication. Yeah that is the movie. I expected a little more. To be completely honest 28 Months later was a much better film with a much better premise. Much more believable.

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Dan in Real Life (I) (2007)

7/10

Working Title: Full House The Movie

3 December 2007

The film was very good; a man who lost his wife and now takes on the roles of both the parents for his 3 daughters. Because he is a male they don't connect on many different levels. Ironically he is a writer of family values columns. But one must ask themselves; did I just watch 90 something minuets of the TV show Full House? Given this film was much better then the TV show Full House - it had all the same basic elements and problems. An middle-aged man looking for love and trying to juggle family at the same time. The fathers lack of understanding for adolescent females, and the real bread winner: he was a dork.

Yet, there were other aspects of family in the movie that made up for the cliché story. The other family members were excellent and provided great laughs, and no I am not talking about Jesse and Joey.

Idea, not so original. Movie, pretty pretty pretty good - yet predicable. A romantic comedy for adults and for teenagers.

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Hitman (I) (2007)

8/10

Excellent

21 November 2007

As we are all well aware of most film adaptations of video games are usually very poor. This is not the case with Hit-man. Hit-man has done something that no other video game film has been able to pull off before. It is entertaining to the general audience who has not plaid the video game, by use of witty remarks, dark humor, and excellent action scenes. On the other hand fans of the video game series will be pleasantly surprised that Hollywood has not butchered the concept of the video games. There has been much debate over the actor who played 47; all actors did an excellent job. I was very pleased.

Bottom line: If you enjoy the video games see it. If you don't know anything about the video games but want to see a movie similar to Bourn Identity then see it.

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Miami Vice (2006)

1/10

Huge disappointment.

30 July 2006

I am a huge Michael Mann fan! I loved I repeat loved Collateral and Heat. I think his directing and writing is amazing. So I am at a loss of words on why this movie was so bad. First off, Michael Mann uses some interesting camera shots in Collateral and it made the movie really good, but in this Miami Vice he over used it and it almost made me feel like I was watching an episode of Cops. This film was basically a love story. The two detectives barely had any interaction. The plot was really bland as well I didn't catch what was going on until the movie was half over. Jamie Fox was barely in the movie. I would of never of thought in a million years that this movie would be this bad. But it was I regret seeing it. I was so disappointed with this movie I felt like I was going to vomit. I was looking forward to this movie for a very long time. Don't waste your time, don't see it go watch Heat or Collateral again.

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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)

2/10

Awful Remake, Insane Wonka

18 July 2005

Warning: Spoilers

First off let me say I am a huge fan of the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. In 1st grade my teacher read the class the book. What made the first movie such a masterpiece was Gene Wilder's excellent performance. His version of Willy was smart, witty, extravagant, and clever. The whole movie was filled with extraordinary things that Wonka had something clever to say about. The classic also taught a moral lesson and showed what happened to spoiled, gluttonous, and TV addicted kids. The reason why I despised the remake is this; Willy Wonka was not any of the things listed above, he was insane and rude. He was just making rude comments to the children the whole movie and saying things that made no sense. Another thing that bothered me is that every time the words 'parents' or 'family' is mentioned Johnny Depp looks like he is going to vomit! The story is not about a candy maker's relationship with his father, it is about a fantasy candy land! I did not go into the theater expecting the remake to be better then the original but I was hoping for it to be good since it had Tim Burton directing it and Johnny Depp playing the role of Willy Wonka. Most remakes take away things from the original and add different things. In the case of this movie it was exactly like the original only missing the cleverness, the excellent music and dance scenes, good acting, a wonderful main character, and originality. On a scale form 1 10 if the original is 8, the remake scores a 2. I would suggest not seeing it.

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tony-segreto

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