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Reviews
Nazis at the Center of the Earth (2012)
Jake Busey's Teeth!!!!
So I've read most of the reviews and NOBODY commented on Jake's massive pearly whites - holy crap he spent a lot of money on those veneers!
I love watching movies like this just to see how terrible they really are. Coming from Asylum Studios I wasn't expecting much and I was not disappointed! One of the worst in a long time from the studio with worse than high school AV club CGI, mechano-Hitler, and weapons that are actually black painted NERF guns.
Dr Josef Mengele has been resurrected and has created, along with his gas mask wearing SS minions, the aforementioned mechano-Hitler, who has in turn created a ginormous swastika covered spaceship. The initial goal / testing ground for the flesh-eating bacteria created is the Falkland Islands, then on to North America.
If you are a connoisseur of cheese, then grab the crackers and get ready for a feast! And grab a bottle of wine, as you will need it to get through this nightmare!!
Mausoleum (1983)
Good googly moogly!!
LaWanda Page "revives" her Aunt Esther role slightly in this 80s schlockfest!! And there is some strange sh** going on in this house!!
"Vocal and facial fantasies" from our 30 year old heroine, who became possessed from the same demon that took over her mother, resulting in mum's death - also at 30.
Marjoe Gortner (who was actually a Bible-thumping evangelist at 4 years old) plays the doting, concerned husband, while the possessed wife seduces the gardeners by wearing INCREDIBLY revealing lingerie - in the middle of the afternoon!! Oh and then she kills them!!
This is a fun waste of 90 minutes - if only to see LaWanda!!!
Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)
Head First Right into the Woodchipper!
OMG this is hilarious!!!! I loved Alan Tudyk in Resident Alien and this fits him so well. The scene in the hillbillies' pick up truck with the cop is to die for! The level of misunderstanding is stupidly funny and the dynamic between Tudyk (as Tucker) and his co-star Tyler Labine (as Tucker's affable "friend" Dale) makes the movie!
And all these damned college kids "killing themselves all over my property" - who could NOT believe a story like that??! Watching Tucker's mannerisms - all the while wanting to feed Dale into the wood chipper himself - just adds to the chemistry of the entire crew! This is an absolute gem of stupidity, hilarity and down and out "wow"!!
Lair of the Killer Clowns (2023)
Killer Klowns from Outer Space this is NOT!
So I love a bad, cheesy movie as much as anyone (think Llamageddon, Sharknado, etc.) and I've suffered through quite a number of them. But this isn't even high school AV level material.
The 2 lead characters spend almost 30 minutes roaming through abandoned buildings in the desert, to an ear-bleedingly painful soundtrack (or rather, screech-track). Then one disappears and the other just leaves!!
The entire script is probably no more than 10 pages, delivered in complete deadpan. And I thought "My Dinner with Andre" was dreadfully slow...
The female lead has shifty eyes that roam all over the place, screaming "Dear God what did I sign up for!!!"
If you want something to help you sleep, this movie will do it in less than 15 minutes!
The Mutation (2021)
Bwah ha ha!!! Giant killer rat...
OK where to start...there are enough reviews on the plot (or lack thereof), so I'll talk about the production. This movie is supposed to be set in the US but the main cars are right hand drive - except for the regular looking US-style police car.
I'm an American living in the UK and it bothers the HELL out of me when locals add an r to the end of words - idear, tortillar, etc. One of the cops has a Scottish accent, and one is named McKenna but is of course pronounced "McKenner". They called an apartment a "flat", and a visible phone number is obviously a UK-based landline!! And the "attempts" at American accents are absolutely atrocious! You will laugh your ass off at the restaurant scene - just wow...
I love B horror movies but I've seen better high school AV projects.