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Seven Kings Must Die (2023)
A disappointment
As much as I was looking forward to this movie, I was thoroughly disappointed. It's rushed, confusing, and wasn't well made. Honestly, they should have just done a sixth and final season instead of a movie, which doesn't really fit for a story like this. The Last Kingdom was always a slow burn from season to season, they tried to take ten hours of content and stuff it into 145 minutes.
Then the ending, just, come on, that's how it ends? It doesn't make any sense to end it that way, especially with how this movie was billed. Overall, if you enjoyed the show and you want to get your fix of Uhtred, Alexander Dreymond doesn't disappoint, the same can't be said about the rest of the movie.
Justice League: Warworld (2023)
WTF is going on?
Okay, so we start off with Wonder Woman in the old West(later revealed to be War World), she walks into a bar and meets Johan Hex, who helps her stop a band of thieves and murderers. Seconds later, he decides to just try to kill everyone and begins shooting at Diana. Um, okay that came out of nowhere. Diana destroys the gatling gun he was using and just decides to let him leave.
She then talks with the sheriff and, I'm guessing this version of Steve Trevor, about raiding Hex's storehouse. It then cuts to Jonah ranting in a bar, where he has a gun fight with some of his own men and kills them. Diana goes to see him later to distract him and Hex starts talking about him and her 'getting physical' which results in Diana using her lasso on Hex, which randomly makes him start talking about some random train?
30 second 'final battle', 'Steve' dies, no emotion is shown, and Diana leaves.
This was the first 25 minutes. It then cuts to Batman who goes from saving people to being their captive to being their 'chosen one's What is this movie? What is happening? This movie makes zero sense.
The voice acting is emotionless and bland, which sucks considering who the actors are. The story is disjointed and all over the place, and the animation is just horrible.
Cocaine Bear (2023)
The movie knew it's job and it did its job
Is the movie perfect? No. Is it thought provoking? Hell no. Is it deep? Good lord no. Is it funny? I thought so. Does it deliver on what it promised? Absolutely.
I'm not going to spoil the movie, but if you decide to see it, don't go in trying to abstract some ridiculous message that you think the movie is trying to send, the movie isn't trying to send a message, at all. It's a movie about a bear, coked out and losing its mind because it wants more.
The actors are fine, Keri Russel and the two kids know what they're supposed to do and they do it.
Margo Martindale, good god enough can't be said about her. Again, she knew what she was there to do and she did it.
Same with O'Shea Jackson Jr.
Does it drag a little? It does. There are honestly too many characters. If they had cut out about half the characters whos only job it was to be meat for the grinder, it could have easily just been a special or short film and would have worked just as well.
I enjoyed it, I knew it was a movie that expected me to turn my brain off and just go have fun and I did.
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023)
Just......no
If you've seen one MCU movie, you've seen this one as it does nothing more than check the same exact boxes every other MCU movie has checked for the last 10 years.
Open with the hero being celebrated and trying to be normal? Check.
Introduce a retconned back story for another character? Check.
Try to inject humor that makes zero sense? Check.
Try to have a badass moment that has zero build up? Check.
Giant CGI battle where a bunch of characters that impacted the story in no way whatsoever are given 'dramatic' deaths? Check.
Mcguffin that the heroes have to keep away from the bad guy? Check.
Bad guy who has inconsistent powers? Check.
New hero who spends the majority of the movie failing and learning how things work, but magically figures it all out in the big final battle? Check.
Former villain returns, spends most of the movie still being a villain then randomly decides to be a good guy for no reason other than to needlessly sacrifice themselves and then get called an Avenger? Check.
Deus ex machina that's set up early in the movie? Check.
Paul Rudd, Michelle Pfeiffer, Michael Douglas, and Jonathan Majors all look and act bored. Kathryn Newton does her best Kristen Stewart impression. Bill Murray is there to collect a paycheck, and he looks and acts bored as well.
Honestly, don't waste your money or time on this movie.
Fright Night 2 (2013)
Someone kill me
1 star is honestly being generous. 10 minutes in and I was begging someone to just randomly pop up and kill Ed, Charlie, or me so I wouldn't have to suffer through Ed's juvenile stupidity and Charlie's constant predator staring at Amy.
Then there's the 'story', a multi-century old vampire has been waiting years for a special type of virgin to show up so she can be younger. This, by some coincidence miracle where all planets in the universe align, and a total solar and lunar eclipse happen at the same time, happens to be Amy.
Then there's the dialog. Do the writers and director not know that people don't actually talk like William Shatner's Captain Kirk?
Watch this movie if you really hate yourself, if you do, however, like yourself at least a little, don't watch it.
Halloween Ends (2022)
Halloween has been given the Dan Benioff and D.B. Weiss treatment.
I don't think I've seen an entire theater get up and leave the moment the credits begin rolling in 20+ years, but that's what happened.
It certainly wasn't a Halloween/Michael Myers movie. Hell, it can barely be described as a coherent story.
It jumps around from scene to scene and plot line to plot line like kids at a trampoline park. There's one scene that's a character saying one sentence completely out of context and having nothing to do with the previous or following scene.
There's a 'love' story that mazes ZERO sense in that one character is adamant that they want to be alone, then two scenes later they're making googly eyes at someone else, which somehow leads to a romance, which 'develops' over the course of two days. They meet, yell at each other for a day and a half, then decide to run away together.
There's zero suspense, there's no explanation for why any of the characters do the things they do, say the things they say, or act the way they act.
The movie is nothing more than people pretending to be human, a killing spree that literally happens just to happen, then a final confrontation that's there just to end the movie. Nothing is ever set up to drive this non-story forward. Which is a shame, because the new trilogy had such a fantastic start with Halloween 2018 and yeah, Halloween Kills was a thematic and visual mess, but at least it continued the story from the previous movie. Halloween Ends barely does that if it even does it at all. Halloween 6 and Halloween Resurrection at least had the decency to carry on from their respective predecessors.
Halloween definitely ended. As should any and all consideration to let Blumhouse and Danny McBride have any future involvement in this franchise.
Walker: Pilot (2021)
Meh
Just started this as I was a fan of the 90's series, I love Supernatural, and I think Jared Padalecki is an absolute treasure to the planet.
I'm not impressed. First, were immediately thrown right into things with nothing to go on. In the first 10 minutes, we meet Walker and his wife, who is going to do..... something.......3 minutes later she's texting him while running for her life and is killed while she's on the phone with him.
He goes outside and calls her back only for her to not answer because she's dead and he breaks down. This all happens within the first 5 minutes. No explanation, no exposition on what she's gone to do, nothing.
We then cut to 11 months later, Walker has apparently abandoned his two teenage kids, for some reason, and is going home to try to reconnect, only, he basically pulled a John Winchester on them and just bailed.
Then, rather than spend time with his kids, who he hasn't seen in a year and who very clearly are not happy with him, he decides to go out drinking with his brother and friends.
Then there's the whole incident the next morning that paints Walker as a rule breaker. Nevermind the fact that Walker didn't do anything but ask a question and then defend himself after someone physically attacked him for no reason.
Pilots are there to establish characters and backstory. This pilot tried to cram three or four episodes into the pilot.
I can only hope that it gets better.....
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
Wow, just wow
I, like so many others, thought that a sequel to Top Gun would be a bad idea, especially considering how horrible Hollywood is at making movies these days. I waited to go see it, there was no possible way it was going to be a good movie.
I couldn't be more happy to say I was dead wrong. This was an absolute delight of a movie. It's been years since I've gone to the theater multiple times to see the same movie, I will be doing so for this one.
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)
Probably worse than the second.
Okay, I went in with zero expectations, I figured, hey, it's the third movie in an apparent trilogy, things will get resolved, there will be some comedy, and we'll see Dumbledore actually go through the trial of breaking the blood pact.
Nothing is actually resolved with Grindelwald.
All the comedy is in the trailers.
To quote Ryan George from Pitch Meeting, Dumbledore breaking the pact was super easy, barely an inconvenience.
In fact, that's a major complaint of mine. Dumbledore states that if he even thinks about moving against Grindelwald, the blood pact will start killing him. He even demonstrates as much. Then, seconds later, he starts talking about how he's going to move against Grindelwald by proxy. That's literally moving against him! Then there's the breaking of the pact. 'He sought to attack, I sought to defend.' You still actively worked in direct retaliation of him.
If all it took was to take a defensive position, then his entire 'argument' about not getting involved was pointless.
Some stray observations.
Why was Jacob given a wand? It was literally a non plot point.
If the head of the German ministry of magic was an ally of Grindelwald's the entire time, which the movie suggests, why did he even allow Newt and the others leave the dinner?
Grindelwald had hundreds of fanatical supporters at the election ceremony. Where did they go?
Please, please, please tell me that wasn't 'The duel' between Dumbledore and Grindelwald.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)
It was ok
Was it a great movie? No.
Was it a bad movie? No.
Was it as good as the 2002 movie? No.
Was it more accurate to the source material? Definitely.
The problem with this movie was that it tried to include the stories from the first two games and it tried to be as close to the games as it possibly could. This never works. Why? Because we've already played the games, we know the story.
You can be accurate to the source material and still make something unique. That's what made the 2002 version good. It really had nothing to do with the games but it still told a version of the story in the games.
I liked the movie, it just tried to do too much. There's tons of potential for the sequels if they make them. They just gotta branch out from the games and do their own thing.
Cowboy Bebop (2021)
Honestly, what were people expecting....
Shakespeare in the Park?
It's a live adaptation of one of the more ridiculous animes from the 90's and, for better or for worse, its pretty faithful to the source material.
I mean really, think back to 1998, if you can, and try to remember the actual anime. It wasn't particularly good, and it wasn't because it was among powerhouses like DragonBall, Inuyasha, YuYu Hakusho, Sailor Moon, or even Pokemon. It had a very niche target audience, that was pretty much growing out of anime, as one does, and didn't really fit the anime formula.
So yeah, the live action version is going to reflect that. That's said, the live action version is the most anime thing I've ever seen.
Halloween Kills (2021)
Eh......
I mean, it wasn't 4-6 bad, but it wasn't 2018 good. I wouldn't even say it was Remake good.
I wish they would have kept the supernatural element out of it.
Yes, Michael has always been more than just a guy in a mask, the original definitively made that clear, but one of the major reasons 4-6 are so bad is the overindulgence into the supernatural, which is something, unfortunately, the third act of Kills starts to do.
The movie goes from 'evil ends tonight', to Michael is an ideal/force of nature who's just there to corrupt Haddonfield, to finally, 'he's not a man or an ideal at all, and is just evil incarnate and he can't be killed because the more he kills, the more powerful he becomes'.
Basically, they took the worst parts of 4, 5, and 6 and rolled them all into this movie.
I'm not even going to go into the mess that was the last 5 minutes or so. The ending was very clearly reshoots that were never in the original script. Almost like they never finished before COVID, forgot what they were doing, then filmed the ending right before they released it.
It's a shame, 2018 was arguably one of the better movies in the franchise, and it got this follow-up. Here's hoping Ends does a course correction to finish out this trilogy.
Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)
A significantly better movie
Is it bogged down in parts? Absolutely, the first 45 minutes or should have easily been condensed into about 20.
The characters have story, dialog, and motivation. Steppenwolf stops referring to the mother boxes as 'mother' and legitimately serves Darkseid. Darkseid actually has his reasons explained. We don't get the stupid, cringe worthy Whedon scenes or pointless dialog. Sorry Joss, but Batman doesn't quip. The effects are 1000 times better, and the final battle is actually fun because you know the actual stakes. Is it classic dark Snyder? Yes, but historically, DC has been the darker of the two major publishers.
I had my doubts but this was worth the 4 or so hours and it was worth the effort everyone put in to get it released.
Whats even better is, Barry isn't the sniveling coward he is in the Whedon version, he and Cyborg actually matter, even after Superman shows up. Speaking of, when he does show up, Superman does what Superman is supposed to do, which is help take care of Steppenwolf, he doesn't just suddenly start doing everyone's job for them.
If a sequel isn't made, it will be a travesty.
Did I mention? Dessad and Granny Goodness!!!!