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thegrimmsleeper
Reviews
The Revolting Dead (2003)
The dead are revolting... against this movie.
I enjoy a good low budget horror movie. Usually because the film maker has the passion to make a great film that isn't bogged down by Hollywood red tape. This is not one of those films.
I love the premise; it's what made me rent it. In some no-name town in the middle of nowhere, a dysfunctional family runs the only funeral parlor. Except that they rob the dead and re-use the same casket over and over again. But one fateful night they pick the wrong grave; the brother of a druid priestess, who soon comes to town to raise the dead so they can avenge themselves upon the unwitting funeral home family.
Interesting concept. Unfortunately, it went nowhere. The family was beyond dysfunctional; they were a bunch of freaking loons. I could deal with a family where the stepmother is an overbearing bitch who is sexually attracted to her step-son. I could deal with a passive, spineless patriarch and a sister who sleeps with every guy in town. These are all potentially compelling characters. But in the film, they're nothing but exaggerated caricatures. The acting is just awful throughout, and the only one of the family I could even stand was Betsy, the daughter, and even then only because I find short brunettes really hot. (So she had a bit of a tummy; she's still sexy.) The other main characters are of course the druid priestess and her boyfriend, a local mechanic who ran out on his girlfriend six months prior. His girlfriend as unwittingly killed by the nutty funeral folks after she chased after her man and stumbled upon a grave-robbing job. The druid priestess raises the dead almost immediately... and then a whole lot of nothing happens for like, a week. Seriously - where are the dead? Are they just hanging out in the graveyard or something? There are a handful of sex scenes throughout, which are halfway decent even though they're totally gratuitous. Unfortunately, we don't see nearly enough of Betsy getting naked; just briefly at the end when she's being violated by a corpse. (Reverse necrophilia, anyone?) The editing is choppy, the photography is amateurish, the audio is just awful and inconsistent from scene to scene or even from cut to cut in the same scene. This film looked and sounded like they filmed it on a consumer camcorder. The night shots seemed to be shot AT night, which is ridiculous given how inexpensive a good day-for-night filter is. It required the use of big, awkward lighting. In one scene, the reflection of the key light is visible in the side of a truck.
This is low budget film making at its absolute worse. It is bereft of talent, passion, and heart. It's good for a laugh or two, and if you like to give bad films the "MST3K" treatment, this is definitely one to add to your collection.
I give it three stars; it would have gotten more if we'd seen a bit more of Betsy in the buff. Those scant few seconds are about the only thing worth watching in this stinker.
Left Behind III: World at War (2005)
World at War proves that sometimes the movie is better than the book.
There have been three Left Behind films based on the first two books, and I have to admit that the films are a great deal better. Many events are changed, but the changes are for the better. Whereas the book is kind of a rolling, mindless narrative that seems to randomly change and has no real structure except the author's random whims, the films have a plot and quite a bit of substance. They've taken the creative characters that Jenkins somehow concocted and made them people much more real than the 2D stereotypes they previously were.
The third film, "Word at War", which is based on the last 50 pages of the second book, was much better. In terms of style and narrative - well, Cloud Ten hit it right on this time. There was very little that reeked of "Christian film" here, and that's a good thing. The narrative and style are refined and consistent. The acting is all much better. In particular, series regulars Brad Johnson and Janaya Stephens both turn in great performances. Kirk Cameron is still Kirk Cameron, which doesn't work too much in his favor. His real-life wife, Chelsea Field, has always sounded like she's reading lines instead of becoming the character, and it's really noticeable here. There's a scene where she's trying to seduce Rayford and it just drags on endlessly. Probably the only real cringe-worthy moment of the film. The newly recast Bruce Barnes, played by Arnold Pinnock, did a decent job. Unfortunately, his unfamiliar face at this very crucial moment in Bruce's life really detracts from what should be a very, very pivotal moment in the film. Given the choice I would have preferred Clarence Gilyard, who payed Bruce in the first two films.
I was extremely impressed with Laura Catalano, who played Rayford's second wife, Amanda. I was annoyed that her introduction was shorted so greatly - Rayford goes from weeping over his first wife in the previous film to getting married again in the opening moments of this one. Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed Amanda - Laura Catalano brought her to life in a way Jenkins couldn't begin to figure out. Her character was a highlight of the film despite her short amount of screen time.
The story was put together pretty well. It focused more on President Gerald Fitzhugh (played by the fantastic Lou Gossett Jr.) than on our band in the Tribulation Force. This really annoys some people, but it's an approach I can understand. The events of the last fifty pages of Tribulation Force had no cohesion whatsoever and, frankly, are so earth-shattering that they deserve their own story. And while many people dislike the focus on President Fitzhugh, I found it quite interesting to get inside the mind of one of the most overlooked characters in the series. Lou Gossett portrays this guy as someone who even I would vote for - noble, distinguished, but not afraid to draw his own gun and kick some ass when necessary. His gutsy move at the end - though contrived - worked well for the story and provided a bit of redemption for the character that he lacks in the books. This is one instance where deviation from the books allowed the film makers to craft a MUCH better story.
The story finds a biological agent poisoning the Christians of America, who are proclaiming Nicholae the Antichrist of the book of Revelations. It's definitely an interesting, if somewhat sci-fi style, notion that wasn't included in the book. It brings some dignity to the death of Pastor Bruce Barnes, which is the first of many losses the Tribulation Force will suffer before the end of history. But the cure for this agent is so patently absurd, I find it hard to believe it was actually used. While this is happening, we follow Fitzhugh's exploits as he learns his friend Carpathia isn't all he appears to be.
There has been some debate on the validity of Nicholae's powers as seen in this film. They're a bit more "Charmed" in nature, with Carpathia levitating the president and smiling when Fitzhugh tries to shoot him and the bullets kill the guy standing behind him. Though the books are never so blatant, this kind of thing isn't unprecedented. Either way it didn't bother me, since I view this particular theological mindset with a pound of salt anyway. I don't buy into the complaints of Carpathia's duplicity - seeing him as more monster than man is part of the progression of the books so it's fitting that we see less of his public face and more of his "evil" face here. Eventually all we'll ever see is "monster".
I was glad to see some things being set up for later - Hattie's pregnancy, for example, and the seeds of her own salvation. The ending of the film gives me continued hope for a fourth film. But if they try to recast anyone else - especially any of the remaining 3 original Trib Force members - the series may lose some serious meaning.
By the end of the film, we arrive at a very similar position to where we are by the end of the second book: a world at war, a dead president, a pastor-less Trib Force, and with much of the world we knew gone. I would expect the next film to focus a bit more on the Trib Force and continue to progress the overall story. I hope that the improvement in quality continues and especially that they're able to do justice to what is about to become a vast array of characters. The books introduce a crap load of Trib Force members in the coming volumes and doing justice to them all in a 2 hour film will be tough. Hopefully the brothers Lalonde will continue what they've begun.
Urban Legends: Bloody Mary (2005)
Better than the second, a decent addition to the UL family, but lacking in the execution of the BM legend.
Spoilers are present in this review.
Being a supernatural buff, and having a deeper understanding of the Bloody Mary legend than the average person, I have to say that I was pretty excited to see this movie come out. I've sifted through volumes of material on her alleged origins and couldn't wait to see what Mary Lambert (of Pet Sematary fame) had in store here.
The movie places Mary's death in the 1960's, at a high school in Utah. It doesn't explain why she appears in mirrors or address the larger issue that the legend itself existed long before the 1960's. It seemed less an attempt at being creative with the legend and more an excuse to make another UL movie. Granted, this won't bother the average movie-goer, who probably isn't even aware of the Bloody Mary-esquire legends that date back to colonial America and some loose tie-ins even before that. Still, it did detract a little from my enjoyment of the film.
That said, the film definitely sells the legend as it's portrayed... and unlike the first 2 UL movies, the big shock twist ending this time is that there really IS a ghost... and a human killer as well. Overall the plot, while fairly predictable, was enough to keep me interested throughout. There was of course the gratuitous reference to the other UL films, but short of that no other tie-ins. The characters are all teenage stereotypes with no depth, and there's plenty of gratuitous eye candy (like the 3 girl pillow fight at the beginning).
The direction of the film exceeds the capabilities of the script. The dialogue is wooden and contrived, as one would expect from a direct-to-video sequel. It's obvious that Mary Lambert had big plans for this one, but the script and the acting just couldn't come through for her. It's also clear the style is heavily influenced by recent supernatural thrillers such as The Grudge and The Ring... there are plenty of sharp cuts and audio tricks used throughout, and even Mary herself seems to borrow a little from Samara and a little from the creepy dead woman in "The Grudge". The scene where Mary crawls out from under a hotel bed in particular reminds me of the woman descending the staircase. There's even a slight touch of demon possessed Regan from the Exorcist in Mary's ghostly visage.
I enjoyed the film, was slightly grossed out at parts, but not really scared or even anxious after watching it. (It's tough to do that to me, though.) I think it's at least a semi-faithful portrayal of one of the modern variations of the legend, and it's rather satisfying to finally "see" Mary in some form. (And if I may say, she's quite a little hottie before her unfortunate... incident.) I think it's a better UL film than "Final Cut" was, and I was quite satisfied that Mary herself was a part of the film, and not revealed to be a psycho student dressing up in a silly costume (a la Scream and the prior two UL movies). The pacing is a little slow sometimes (but then, the first half hour of Pet Sematary is quite slow as well, and I love that film) and the dialogue is a little wooden... but overall, this is a decent film. If you're a big horror film fan, it's definitely worth buying. If you're curious about Mary or enjoy a casual spook flick, rent it or buy it used. So long as you aren't expecting the definitive movie about Bloody Mary, you probably won't be disappointed with it. If you are... well, you'll have to keep waiting.
Or you could turn off the lights, stand in front of the mirror, and give her a call to ask about it yourself...