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danieladougan
Reviews
Chickens in the Shadows (2010)
Delightfully stupid
If you've heard the viral "Taste the Biscuit" song and wondered if the movie was really that stupid...yes. Yes, it is. It's unbelievably, wonderfully, delightfully stupid.
It's a bit like "This Is Spinal Tap" but not. For every terrible band that makes it big, there are many other terrible, obscure bands that refuse to give up no matter how much they get punched in the face by reality. And "Toasters 'N' Moose" is that kind of band. They're a few notches BELOW a lounge act.
At one point, Moose sarcastically suggests to the manager that they should have animatronic robot versions of themselves on stage, but the manager thinks it's actually a good idea.
And that raises an important question: how do you promote a zero-talent musical act? The film provides an answer.
It was a low-budget film to begin with, and that aesthetic seems to fit this struggling band like a glove. It was clearly shot on cheap camcorders, not movie cameras.
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)
A significant dropoff from the previous movies
As much as I enjoyed the first two movies in this series, this one was considerably less enjoyable.
That's not to say there weren't funny moments in it. I loved the nods to "The Untouchables" and "The Shawshank Redemption."
The third act at The Oscars was not nearly as inspired as the baseball scene in Act 3 of the first movie, but I laughed at it a few times.
One of the best reasons to watch any of "The Naked Gun" movies today is to watch terrible things happen to O. J. Simpson, who richly deserves for those things to happen to him in real life.
The Holiday (2006)
Insulting to the viewer
This movie is a parody not just of romantic comedies. It's a parody of itself, and it's guilty of all the predictable clichés at which it rolls its eyes.
This movie is allegedly a loving tribute to Hollywood and its classics from years gone by, but writer/director Nancy Meyers apparently learned nothing about storytelling or dialogue by watching those movies. How no one realized the irony is a mystery to me. Another possibility is that Meyers wanted to make a more interesting movie but felt forced to fit it into the standard rom-com formula, and she inserted a few resentful jabs at the industry for making her do it.
Don't get me wrong; I love a good parody. If you want to see a good parody of the rom-com genre, see the devastating "They Came Together" instead. That movie committed to being a parody. "The Holiday" only drops in some occasional meta-humor as comic relief for its otherwise cookie-cutter rom-com plot.
Just to give you a taste of what this movie is like, Amanda (Cameron Diaz) plays a Type A, workaholic Hollywood editor who only makes movie trailers and is incapable of crying (an obvious setup to be predictably paid off later). When she daydreams, it's literally a movie trailer about her character, male voiceover and all. I admit I chuckled a little when this happened, but it makes it difficult to suspend disbelief. And this is a movie where you REALLY have to suspend disbelief for 130 minutes.
Amanda has a bit of obvious trouble acclimating to the UK, especially driving on the "wrong side" of the road. Cameron Diaz does her best, but there's just so little nuance for her to work with from the script that she didn't stand a chance. Her counterpart Graham (Jude Law) is simply in place to be handsome and British. Jude Law is a fine actor, but even he can't hide his contempt for this script. It ruins any potential for credible chemistry between Law and Diaz. These two are just eye candy, not fully-formed characters.
But, if you can get past the trainwreck of Amanda and her hookup with Graham, you might find a pretty decent movie on the other side of the pond with Graham's sister Iris (Kate Winslet) and Hollywood music score composer Miles (Jack Black). I believe this is the movie Nancy Meyers originally wanted to make, but she was forced to add in the house swap between Amanda and Iris to explain how these Americans and Brits got together -- and to add the A-list star power of Diaz and Law. I suppose everyone knew casting Jack Black as a leading man in a rom-com was not a recipe for box-office success.
While staying at Amanda's mansion in Hollywood, Bridget Jones-clone Iris regains her "gumption" (a nod to the far-superior classic "His Girl Friday") and self-esteem after her ex-boyfriend Jasper (Rufus Sewell) robbed her of it by leaving her and getting engaged to another woman.
Every rom-com needs some parental wise sage to assuage the leads' self-doubt, and this one is nostalgic, nonagenarian screenwriter Arthur, played with subtlety and wit (unlike the rest of this movie) by Eli Wallach. He tells Iris that she can be the leading lady instead of the best friend in her own life, which is ironic for the B story in this movie.
The best chemistry of the movie is honestly between Winslet and Wallach. There is also a sweetness between her and Jack Black, but I saw no real romantic or sexual chemistry.
One night, Iris and Miles find themselves trying to pick out a movie to rent from Blockbuster Video (remember that?), and Miles begins mansplaining the importance of scores to classic movies. When Miles mentions how the Simon and Garfunkel song "Mrs. Robinson" was written specifically for "The Graduate," Dustin Hoffman appears out of nowhere and says, "I can't believe this...I can't go anywhere." Apparently, this was an unplanned cameo...Dustin Hoffman just happened to show up at the video store during the filming, and Meyers found a way to write him in. That's what you do when Dustin Hoffman just happens upon your location shoot.
Returning to the Amanda / Graham storyline, one cardinal rule of screenwriting is not to talk down to your audience, but "The Holiday" telegraphs its cookie-cutter plot with neon lights, leaving nothing whatsoever for viewers to infer on their own.
There is an allegedly (but not really) funny scene of call-waiting confusion and chaos ripped straight from a considerably funnier episode of "Seinfeld."
There is a legitimately poignant segment with Graham as a single dad with his daughters. Their mother has passed away, leaving a void that Amanda seems woefully unsuited to fill based on her emotional immaturity. Graham, of course, has the foresight of a mole-rat and does not seem to consider this. Amanda is the only one who gets to even think about why this relationship is absurd. She doesn't make sense for him either. It's a shame Meyers couldn't fit an exploration of this into the 2 hours-plus runtime. Perhaps if she had cut out the pointless scene when Amanda dances around by herself to The Killers, she could have made room for some substance.
Here are a few of the most ridiculous quotes from the movie just so you realize how ridiculous this script is and how insulting it is to the viewer.
Amanda: You know Graham, I just broke up with someone, and considering you just showed up and you're insanely good-looking and probably won't remember me anyway...I'm thinking we should have sex...If you want.
Graham: Is that a trick question?
Arthur Abbott: I counted. Nine movies opening today. I remember when nine movies used to open in a month. Now a picture has to make a killing the first weekend or it's dead. This is supposed to be conducive to great work?
(The irony of this line being recited in THIS assembly-line movie is thick.)
Graham: I'm a book editor from London - you're a trailer-maker from LA. We're worlds apart!
Iris: Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you.
Miles: Exactly, and on top of that there's the old standby, I can't believe a girl like that would actually be with a guy like me.
Miles: Iris, if you were a melody... I used only the good notes.
Bizarre Murders: Answered Prayers (2018)
Not even good enough for a B movie
You might remember the Spanish Inquisition sketch on "Monty Python's Flying Circus."
At one point, the cardinals begin laughing, and a chyron appears at the bottom of the screen that reads, "Diabolical laughter." As the laughing continues, the chyron changes to, "Diabolical acting."
The acting on this episode was beyond diabolical, and the characters were downright cartoonish, with exaggerated, fake southern accents. The dialogue was absurd. The fact that this case really happened in Utah and not Mississippi makes it all the more ridiculous.
Bizarre Murders: Little Black Book (2018)
The names have been changed
This episode is based on a case involving retired Chicago Bears player Shaun Gayle.
His fiancée Rhoni Reuter was pregnant with his child (something this show didn't mention).
Shaun Gayle is a ladies' man, and Marni Yang was one of those ladies.
She hacked Shaun's data and discovered that he had a long list of ladies. She began contacting Rhoni Reuter anonymously to tell her about all of Shaun's dalliances.
But that didn't bring Shaun back to her, so Marni decided to eliminate the competition. She made a homemade silencer and shot Rhoni in her apartment.
Shaun was initially a suspect, but he had an airtight alibi, so he was cleared. Shaun ended up wearing a wire to help the police catch Marni.
How I Met Your Mother: Last Time in New York (2013)
Marshall's storyline was tremendous
I can't think of this episode without remembering Marshall saying "Wisconsin" with such disdain. That comes to mind whenever I think about Wisconsin too.
I'm from Indiana, but I'm currently visiting Wisconsin as I write this.
Jenny's Wedding (2015)
No spoiler alert needed because this movie is so predictable
We've seen this movie before. A lot.
A man or a woman has come to terms with being a homosexual and has found a partner. He/she has hidden this lifestyle from conservative family for years...then finally decides to come out. Family tries to be OK with it, struggles, freaks out, and there's a big argument where the homosexual person breaks away from the family or is disowned. A straight person in the family has been living a lie of some sort, usually about their own marriage. Family comes around and supports homosexual person while welcoming partner to the family. Happily ever after. Roll credits.
Forgetting all of the MUCH better movies on this topic for a moment (many of them made decades ago), did Katherine Heigl not even watch the episode of "Grey's Anatomy" when one of the doctors came out to her conservative father and he freaked out? Because that's more or less the plot of this movie.
There are no surprises. No plot twists. Although this is billed as a romantic comedy, there is no comedy at all. I never laughed once.
The side plot about Jenny's sister (who, let's face it, looks more believable as a lesbian than Katherine Heigl or Alexis Bledel) and her unhappy straight marriage was a good opportunity for the movie to do something different than all of its predecessors...but it's a missed opportunity because A) they didn't spend enough time on it to fully explore it B) it's based on a really dumb metaphor in an attempt to appear "artsy" and C) Grace Gummer didn't sell it very well.
Then again, it may not be her fault -- the screenplay is so awful and cliché that I don't know if anyone could have sold it well.
This is a Hallmark/Lifetime movie that just happened to have some bigger names in it so it. You can find it on Netflix (as my fiancée did, unfortunately), but it's not even worth your time.