Reviews

Noobz is the story of four gamers and their path to LA and the Cyberbowl Video Game Championships. Of course, there's the usual trials and tribulations that come with such a trip. Written and directed by relative newcomer Blake Freeman, the central four of the film are played by Jason Mewes (Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, The Tripper, Todd & The Book of Pure Evil), Matt Shively (Paranormal Activity 4), Moises Arias (Hannah Montana, Nacho Libre) and Freeman himself. Along the way, there's comedy, romance, break-ups, gaming rivalry and Casper Van Dien.

The film starts off by showcasing the rivalry that is now more popular than ever between online games. Gone are the days of one man sat in his room, bashing his joystick on his own. Now said joystick basher has the chance to test his wits against other like-minded people across the globe. Even better than that, there are now gangs/clans that games can join up with in order to take down other clans via the joys of the worldwide web.

We're firstly introduced to three friends; Cody (Freeman), Andy (Mewes) and Oliver (Shively). They play Gears of War 3 online in a four-man clan alongside their cyber-friend 'Hollywood', supposedly Casper Van Dien, but in reality Moises Arias. All four are obsessed gamers, with them calling a halt to all other activities in their life when there's the chance of an online match - jobs and relationships firmly take a back seat early on in the story. We also quickly learn about their mortal enemies; the 'Black Assassins' clan. The film is set up as a buddy movie of sorts, with some smutty and sexual humour thrown in for good measure.

First thing's first with a comedy like this, is it actually funny? To this, I say, an unequivocable 'at times.' The film starts off well, with the principal cast and the basic plot all introduced quickly and thoroughly enough. It's sometime during the second act that the film starts to lose its appeal. At first the jokes are fine, even funny a lot of the time, but they just seem to repeat themselves the longer the film goes. The humour is toilet humour at best. Luckily, I'm a fan of toilet humour - I just prefer it to be a bit funnier than the majority of what's on show here.

Whilst the characters are all supposed to be flawed in their own individual ways, I didn't find myself feeling any attachment to any of them. Now, I'm a gamer as well, so I could relate to that part of the story, it's just that the characters, particularly Cody, feel hollow. There's just nothing there to care about. There's the unravelling of an apparent love story featuring Mewes and Zelda Williams' Rickie, yet you never really buy into it as it's not fleshed out enough for you to even care about, especially when the film reaches its finale. You're left thinking, 'what was the point?' with that subplot – a feeling that you'll have to become familiar with if you're to see Noobz through.

The film isn't entirely horrible; there are some funny bits. The funnier scenes seem to stem around young Sklyan Brooks' Chomamma; the leader of the rival 'Black Assassins' clan. It's just a major shame that the majority of his scenes tend to come in the first half of the film, meaning that the better stuff is out-of-the-way early on. I also quite look the comical usernames that the main characters have, with RumPULL4Skinz being a favourite of mine. There's also some decent performances, mainly from Matt Shively and Moises Arias. There's even a nice subplot involving Jon Gries' distant father to Arias' Hollywood. Gries is great in his role as a world-famous retro gamer, with Frogger being his game of choice. He's almost an exact replica of the real life Billy Mitchell, as featured in the brilliant 2007 documentary The King of Kong. As well as Gries, it's also nice to see an appearance from a personal favourite of mine, Lin Shaye. It's just a shame that her role is brief and relatively unimportant. You also feel as if Jason Mewes is trying to his best with the role, yet he seems to be facing a constant uphill battle. His character is often funny, yet sometimes a bit too forced, with the character just coming off as Jay-lite for those familiar with Mewes' appearance in various Kevin Smith films over the years. Mewes is better than this.

The concept of the film is quite nice in principle, but the execution is sloppy. The film takes elements from films such as Fanboys, Detroit Rock City, Role Models, Sex Drive and the aforementioned The King of Kong documentary, yet it fails to live up to any of those. Flat, hollow, lifeless and unfulfilling are just some words to throw at Noobz. It does have a Casper Van Dien cameo though.

I was really hoping for a lot more from this film, yet I was massively disappointed. It's not without its charms, it's just that they're few and far between. I give Noobz a bland and boring 4 out of 10 stars. I do quite like the tagline of 'Regular guys, virtual heroes' though.

John Dies at the End is the long-awaited latest film from Don Coscarelli; the man behind the likes of the Phantasm series and the excellent Bubba Ho-Tep. Since 2002′s Bubba Ho-Tep, Coscarelli has mainly kept a low profile, with his only work of note coming on the Masters of Horror TV series. As ever with Coscarelli, John Dies at the End is a little out there, to say the least. Focussing on a new drug called 'Soy Sauce', the film incorporates monsters, time travel, death, a penis for a door handle and much, much more. The film stars newcomer Chase Williamson as the lead, Dave, Rob Mayes as the titular John and Paul Giamatti as a writer by the name of Arnie, with appearances by Glynn Turman, Clancy Brown, Tai Bennett, Daniel Roebuck, Jimmy Wong, Fabianne Therese, Jonny Weston, Doug Jones and Angus Scrimm (Phantasm represent, yo!).

The film opens with a bizarre, yet fantastic, tongue-in-cheek prelude; Dave ruins an axe decapitating a man, repairs the axe but damages it squashing a large bug, repairs it again and is then visited by a back-from-the-dead version of the decapitated man. Consider the tone well and truly set. From here we're told Dave's story in flashback mode, as he meets up with Giamatti's writer in a Chinese restaurant in order to share his tale with the world. This is where the film really takes off. We're shown how Dave ended up coming across 'Soy Sauce' in the first place, it's side-effects and the journey it takes him on. It turns out that the drug usually kills most who take it, yet for others, most notably Dave and John, it gives them the ability to see into the future and to fight ancient paranormal evil, amongst other things.

All of the cast here deliver the perfect performances when needed. Giamatti is a given for a good performance; that's come to be expected from him over the years. The real standouts are Dave and John, Chase Williamson and Rob Mayes, respectively. They are both great in their roles, especially for such relative newcomers. The titular John is the slower of the two, the more easy going and simple character who is the first to discover 'Soy Sauce'. Williamson's Dave is the slightly more clued up, yet more timid, of the pair, although his character develops as the film progresses. Both are perfectly cast in their roles. The supporting cast is equally perfect, with Glynn Turman's cop and Jonny Weston's wonderfully named 'Shitload' great to watch. The direction is jumpy, but jumpy in a good way. The film has lots of fast cuts and it skips from scene to scene to scene before you can fully keep track of what is going on. It's a film that you have to persevere with in that sense. The direction and the way the film is shot work perfectly in respect of giving the jittery feeling of the drug that the film focuses on. The viewer finds themselves floating along, uncomfortably at times, with the main characters as they bounce from one strange going on to the other.

John Dies at the End is hard to describe or to pigeonhole to a genre. Whilst vague and hard to follow, there is a strong narrative in there; it may just be a tad tricky to follow at times. Whilst you have to pay attention with this film, the viewer is ultimately rewarded for doing so. The film has moments that are reminiscent of Bill & Ted and Todd & The Book of Pure Evil in it's slightly dopey best-friends-against-evil vein, yet mixes elements of Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas and Monty Python in it's slightly trippy appearance. Then there's the general overtone of a fantastical Twilight Zone episode. Sprinkle into this some excellent practical SFX work that the 1980s would be proud of, then you have yourself a cult classic in the making. Those expecting amazing, modern special effects will be disappointed, but anybody that is familiar with this type of film should lap up the slightly cliché, slightly kitsch effects work on show.

Based on the book of the same name by David Wong, John Dies at the End is as unique as they come. There's monsters made out of various meat products, there's quick, intelligent one liners, there's killer slugs, there's bestiality, there's subtle geek references, there's a drug that looks like the 'Venom' symbiote from the Spider-Man universe, there's propane fueled paintball guns, there's zombies, there's listening to a hot dog, there's outfits borrowed from Eyes Wide Shut and seemingly a million and one other strange inclusions. Mind bending doesn't do the film justice. Others may find John Dies at the End hard to follow or a bit too much at times, but I cannot recommend the film enough. Personally, this is a great first film of 2013 for myself; it's just a shame that it's currently only available on a VOD release at the moment. Here's hoping to a speedy DVD/Blu-ray release as this film puts itself up there with another favourite of mine, Bubba Ho-Tep, although this is actually more strange.

I give John Dies at the End a strong 8 out of 10 rating, although I almost feel I'm being a little too harsh with my rating there. I'd like to give the film a higher score, but I'm feeling my bias is maybe clouding my judgement. People will either love it or hate, but I can't say enough good things about this film.

Written and directed by David Ayer, writer of The Fast and the Furious, Training Day and S.W.A.T., End of Watch is best described as a buddy cop movie. When I say buddy cop movie, try not to think of Beverly Hills Cops or 48 Hours. In fact, completely forget all about Eddie Murphy – like most of Hollywood has. Ayer's End of Watch is a gritty, realistic and honest view of the everyday life of two LAPD street cops, played by Jake Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko, Brokeback Mountain, Jarhead) and Michael Pena (Shooter, The Lincoln Lawyer, Eastbound & Down). The film focuses on the brother-like relationship of the two leads, as they get in over their heads with a local cartel.

So, as mentioned, the film follows Brian (Gyllenhaal) and Mike (Pena) as they go about their normal, everyday business, documenting their work life and, at times, their personal life. The story with the two is that they came through the training academy together and have been partners, and friends, ever since. They are shown going through the normal procedures of an LAPD street cop, such as being called out to house calls, completing paperwork, attending briefings, pulling over cars and even, at one point, rescuing some children from a flaming building. After safely getting everybody out of said flaming building, the pair are given the Medal of Valor as an acknowledgement of their work. The two find themselves asking each other whether they 'feel like a hero' now; to which they decide that they want more, particularly Gyllenhaal's Brian. They decide that they don't just want to be street cops, they want to take down bigger fish. Before they know it, they've confiscated money and guns from a local cartel, not to mention accidentally unearthing a human trafficking racket. In the process, they've put a huge bullseye on both of their backs.

Ayer uses a mixture of shooting techniques to capture the essence of his story. A lot of the film is shot in a typically cinematic style, but, at times, found footage techniques are incorporated to give a real feel to the events that unfurl. For example, the film often shows footage from the police cameras that are fixed to police cars or from a personal video camera that Brian seemingly always carries with him. Brian's footage is how a lot of the more personal life footage is shot, showing the two leads spending a lot of time with each other outside of their work in the force. The relationship between Brian and Mike is brilliantly captured, with you fully believing that the pair are prepared to put their lives on the line for each other. The chemistry between Gyllenhaal and Pena is fantastic and utterly believable. Both actors put in a great performance, with the rest of the cast being fleshed out by the likes of Natalie Martinez, Anna Kendrick, David Harbour and Frank Grillo.

All of the characters shine, but, again, this is down to their interactions with the film's two leads. You find yourself caring about the relationship that each of the leads have with their partners, but that's because you've heard these partners discussed so much by Brian and Mike. The supporting cast are all great in their roles, but it's the standout performances of, and the relationship between, Gyllenhaal and Pena that is the glue to the piece. Even when the characters are on patrol, they're talking about things that friends talk about, telling jokes, mocking each other, discussing women and generally just bouncing off each other. There's literally five, maybe ten, minutes during the film that the two aren't together. You never once feel that these two are work colleagues, more friends that happen to work together.

The film itself is not so much a story, more a tale of what it is that cops go through on a daily basis. There's not the usual sort of narrative associated with these films, although there is still a clear direction that the story takes. The film leaves questions unanswered, it doesn't give the viewer exactly what they want or expect, but it's a great depiction of what it is like to be a normal, everyday street cop. Everything that happens on the screen is an important piece of the puzzle. Not because all events prove to be vital as the film builds to it's climax, but because they help the viewer to see the larger picture. Whilst the highlight of the film is all about two cops that are like brothers, with the focus of the film almost acting as a character piece for the two, there is still plenty of action for those that crave it. As well as the heart of the story, there's fast paced car chases, there's shoot outs and there's some gruesome and intense violence at times. Make no mistake, End of Watch is an intense actioner when it chooses to be.

I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed End of Watch, although I can appreciate that it may not be for everyone. It doesn't run like a normal cop movie. It's not the same as a Training Day or a S.W.A.T.; it's got more heart to it, more emotional investment. The last third of the film will divide audiences, as there's no glamorous Hollywood climax, there's no special effects extravaganza - there's just a heartfelt, sudden, if not a tad predictable, end to a story of two brothers. Whilst it may not appeal to everyone, End of Watch impressed me no end. For that reason, I'll give it a strong 7 out of 10.

With the festive period now upon us, it's the time of year to bring out those films that are best watched at Christmas time. You've got Home Alone, The Muppets Christmas Carol, Scrooged, Miracle on 34th Street, It's A Wonderful Life, The Empire Strikes Back, Batman Returns, Bad Santa and a slew of others that give that special festive feeling. Quite how much of a festive feeling the last three in that list give to people is open to debate, but they're regularly on my list of Christmas viewing. One thing that you don't see that much of these days, bar 2006′s Black Christmas, is festive horror films. With the release of Silent Night, we have another festive slasher to add to this small collection.

Loosely based on 1984′s Silent Night, Deadly Night, the film tells the story of a murderous Santa on a killing spree on Christmas Eve in a small American town. Complete with classic tag-line – "He knows if you've been naughty" - the film is an unashamedly kitsch, cheesy, brutal hark back to the days of the traditional slasher flick. The kills come thick and fast, with Santa showing no remorse to those that have been naughty in his eyes. Each kill is different to the others, with the brutality and gore plentiful. Ol' Saint Nicholas uses a variety of weapons – an axe, hatchet, knife, flame thrower, a wood chipper (hey, Fargo!), deer antlers and Christmas lights amongst others – as he tears his way through his naughty list. Out to stop him is the local Sheriff's department, with Malcolm McDowell (A Clockwork Orange, Gangster No 1, Rob Zombie's Halloween) in the role of Sheriff Cooper. Cooper's team is made up of Jaime King (Sin City, The Tripper, The Spirit), Ellen Wong (Scott Pilgrim vs The World) and Brendan Fehr (Roswell High, CSI: Miami). Early on in the film, Jaime King's Aubrey Bradimore is firmly established as the lead of the piece, with the nervous, unsure of herself Bradimore leading the hunt to track down the dastardly Santa.

To complicate matters, with the film being set on Christmas Eve, there are Santas everywhere. The small town has a seemingly endless amount of people dressed up as Kris Kringle, most of them having worked as Santa for the festive period and most of them having an attitude. One such Father Christmas is played by the naturally charismatic Donal Logue (Grounded For Life, Blade, Shark Night 3D). Logue plays the part of a blunt, aggressively honest, down-on-Christmas Santa. Along with Malcolm McDowell, he chews up every scene that he's in. With McDowell, it's a very fine line between whether I like his performance or if it's just horrendous. As a McDowell fan, I'm inclined to lean towards the former. The problem is his delivery and his accent; at times he sounds English, at other times he sounds English with a far too forced American twang. Hearing him deliver 'ass' and 'garbage' just sounds wrong. That said, the same could be noted of his performance as Sam Loomis in Rob Zombie's visions of Halloween and Halloween II. It also doesn't help that some of the lines that McDowell's Sheriff Cooper comes out with are just pure unadulterated, cheesy one liners. At first they sound cringeworthy, but they get better as the film goes on. That may be down to the fact that I grew up on action films riddled with embarrassingly bad one liners. I'd fully understand if others found this to be a major annoyance though.

So, with the majority of the dialogue and performances seemingly tongue-in-cheek, the film could be nothing more than a fun, gory, Christmas slaughter ride. The direction by Steven C. Miller (Scream of the Banshee, The Aggression Scale) is actually surprising for a film of this standard. At times, the direction is fresh, crisp and detailed – much like a Christmas night. There's also a well utilised festive soundtrack to accompany the bloodsplattering action. Jaime King in the lead role is sympathetic and fine for what she needs to be. The performance doesn't set the world alight, but it gets the job done. In fairness to King, she does seem to be one of the few that is playing the film straight. It's just a shame for her that the rest of the cast are hamming it up. There's also the slight problem of finding yourself cheering on Santa at times, especially when it comes to a slimy, perverted man of the clergy that he takes out.

Personally, I like that the film is a little tongue-in-cheek. At times, particularly with the relatively innovative deaths and the gore used, the film gives an almost Troma-lite feel. Anybody familiar with myself or my interest in film knows where I stand on Troma, so that is another plus point for Silent Night.

If you're expecting a tension filled masterclass of suspense, Silent Night is not the film for you. Silent Night is not to Christmas what John Carpenter's Halloween is to Halloween. However, if you're after a unique, sinister, gory, festive film to kill 90 minutes, then this film fits the bill perfectly. In regards to the original, this is a remake in the very loosest of terms. There are a few nods to the original film here and there, such as the catatonic grandparent, but little else apart from the big bearded fella in the red suit.

Silent Night is a throwaway film in the best possible way. It's the type of film that you can just pop on without having to engage your brain. If you like your ho-ho-horror (bad Christmas pun) bloody, to the point, cheesy and with a dark sense of humour then I'd recommend Silent Night for at least a one-off viewing. For those that go into this with an open mind, I give this festive slasher a respectable 6 out of 10 stars.