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RBlake77
Reviews
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
Better than they say...
A lot of people say "Super Mario Bros." is a bad movie, because it wasn't a faithful adaptation of the video game. Well those people can go suck an egg. I loved this movie when I first saw it in theatres way back in 1993, and I love it now.
As for the story, it's essentially the same as the video game; the Mario Bros. try to rescue the princess from Koopa. But instead of a brightly lit Mushroom Kingdom full of walking mushrooms and flying turtles, we have a dark and gritty dystopia.
Koopa is after a piece of rock that is part of a meteorite that struck the Earth some 65 million years ago and thrust the dinosaurs into a parallel dimension, where the dinosaurs eventually took on a humanoid form, in much the same way that Earth humans evolved from apes. Uniting this piece of rock with the rest of the meteorite would unite the two dimensions, and allow Koopa to enter into our dimension, devolve humans into apes and take over, because our world is cleaner, has abundant food and clean water. And the Mario Bros. ain't having none of that and try to stop him. Throughout the movie there are references to the video games (Big Bertha, B-bomb, etc.), so it's all good.
And you really can't blame the writers for wanting to try something different with the Marios, since a literal live action adaptation of the video game wouldn't translate well to film. Imagine a fat guy squashing mushrooms for an hour and a half. I rest my case.
Batman & Robin (1997)
It's fun...
The dialogue is so cheesy and the acting so hammy, the only thing left to do is slap it between two slices of bread with a bit of mustard. With one of those little olives on the toothpick stuck on top.
The silly over the top action and fight sequences combined with rather colourful sets make the movie feel more like a Saturday morning cartoon than a movie.
But you know what? It's not that bad. Not saying it's good, but it's certainly not as bad as people make it out to be. "Batman & Robin" is a fun movie.
While I do like Christopher Nolan's serious take on the Batman, I'm not always going to be in the mood for that Batman. Every now and again, I'll want a Batman movie that doesn't take itself so seriously. That's where "Batman & Robin", as well as the rest of the 90s Batman film series, will come in.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Big on visual effects but little on everything else
If there was ever an award given to the clunkiest mess of a movie ever made, Michael Bay's "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" would probably be at the top of that list.
Seriously, I have never experienced something so mind numbing in my life, and I've seen some real crap movies in my time. The problem with RotF, besides many unnecessary and often crude jokes that weren't even funny, mostly has to do with the pacing of the story. I guess there was a story in there, but trying to find one amongst the slow motion explosions and clanking metal is like trying to find a piece of hay in a stack of needles.
The pacing was so off it was nauseating trying to keep up with anything. The battles, which I will add were pretty intense, just seemed to happen all at once with little or no build-up, and were further marred by multiple camera changes which added to the nausea factor. Half of the time, I couldn't tell what was going or who was fighting who.
And then there was this love story the writers shoe horned in to try and make us care for the characters, but that only hurt the pacing more. Coupled with the sub-par acting from the cast and even worse dialogue, I couldn't find myself giving two shits about anyone. I was half hoping the Decepticons would have won and end this sorry mess of a movie.
I really won't go into how a couple of stereotype based characters were really annoying and bogged the movie down even more than it already was, and how just about any female character in this thing were really just brought in as eye candy in an attempt to distract us from this train wreck of a movie. Seriously, I like T&A as much as the next guy, but geez, dude. This is ridiculous.
Also, seriously, did we really need not one, but two, instances of dog humping? I could have gone without them completely. They added absolutely nothing to the movie. And neither did the (unfunny) joke about Transformer testicles. Sometimes I really have to wonder about you, Mr. Bay.
Although there are a couple of bright spots to be found within this mess. The visual effects, for one, were really well done. Every time I saw Optimus Prime transform I was like "Cool!". Soundwave being in this one was really good, too, although I really wish he was in the first movie (which I actually somewhat kinda enjoyed). But cool visual effects, Optimus Prime transforming, and Soundwave just weren't enough to save this one.
I will say with the utmost of honesty that I tried to enjoy this one. Really, I did. But there was just too much going on that I couldn't get into the movie.
Thumbs down.
The Wasp Woman (1959)
Cheesy, yet oh so good
"The Wasp Woman" is a 1959 film directed by Roger Corman, who is known for being prolific in his production and direction of low-budget shlock such as "Teenage Zombies" and "Attack of the Giant Leeches".
Anyway, "The Wasp Woman" is about a woman who develops a youth formula from jelly taken from queen wasps. She overdoses on the stuff and turns into this half-human, half-wasp thing. Hilarity ensues.
I actually enjoyed this one, despite it being a bit on the slow side, but entertaining nonetheless. The acting is decent for a film such as this, and the sheer campiness that is trademark of Roger Corman films is there also.
Sure, the story is silly, yet somehow believable. A woman ODs on wasp jelly and the result is she turns into a wasp woman. TOTALLY BELIEVABLE! Even though it was really just the woman with a wasp-like mask on with some buzzing noise playing in the background while she killed things, it's all good. It's a shame she couldn't have sprouted wings and flew around town with some buzzing noise playing in the background while she killed things. Seriously, that would have been GOLD and would have catapulted this film to such heights of cheesy goodness that nothing else could compare.
My only nitpick is the scene jumping in some points is a bit sloppy and the overall picture quality isn't so great either. But I'm willing to forgive that since neither really effects the fact that I enjoyed the film. I got it one of those 4-in-1 dollar DVDs from Wal-Mart, so I would say it's a quarter well-spent.
The Magic Sword (1962)
A surprisingly good film
A friend of mine lent me their copy of The Magic Sword, a 1962 film directed by Bert I. Gordon. While it's still fresh on my mind, I thought I would crank out a review.
The film is based loosely on the medieval legend of St. George and the Dragon, or so I read on Wikipedia. I don't know much about the legend myself, but I probably would after a bit of searching.
Anyway, the plot of The Magic Sword is your typical "brave knight goes on a quest to save a princess from an evil wizard" deal. The sword in the title has to do with the fact that the main character wields a sword that apparently has some kind of magical powers.
Despite the use of the tired old "save the princess" plot, the film itself is surprisingly good and was a lot of fun to watch. The acting is just a bit on the hammy side, but I think it's one of the things that made watching the film fun. The film moves along nicely from scene to scene and didn't seem to drag anywhere. The special effects, though a bit cheesy compared to what we're used to seeing these days, were still pretty good considering the time the film was done. The dragon effects near the end were really cool.
There might be a scene or three that might be deemed inappropriate for very young children. There's some boobage, though very brief, near the beginning (although the version I saw blotted it out with a mosaic... the bastards). A couple of other scenes were just due to some really disturbing makeup effects. Other than that, the film is pretty family friendly.
Overall I recommend this film. It was fun to watch and there was never a dull moment. But mostly because Basil Rathbone is such a badass as the evil wizard.
Teenage Zombies (1959)
Teenage Zombies (1959)
The plot is typical B-movie stuff. Four teenagers are out boating and water-skiing (which is implied, as there is no footage of water-skiing at all in the film), and accidentally discover an island that's run by a mad scientist who intends to use some kind of nerve gas to turn the entire U.S. population into zombies (the mind controlled kind, not the flesh eating variety). The teenagers end up getting captured and it's up to their friends and the local authorities to bail them out.
Pretty much everything about this film is bad. The directing is terrible. It was like the director had no idea what he was doing. Sort of like Ed Wood, but in a really bad way. The acting, if you want to call it that, is pretty much non-existent. The writing is excruciatingly dull and the dialogue is pointless, cornball, and delivered with the fervor of someone in a coma. Seriously, someone would speak their lines then there's this odd silence before anyone else would say anything. Anyone who was a zombie just acted as though they were in a trance or something, and did the bidding of whoever was controlling them. I think the effects were only temporary as well, but I don't remember.
A few saving graces was the gorilla and the fight scene near the end. Although I also thought the lead zombie was kinda cool in a silly sort of way. Everything else about the film is pretty forgettable, but I guess it's worth checking out at least once.
Snakes on a Plane (2006)
Lots of fun, but not much else
I have finally seen "Snakes On A Plane" (the DVD came out today), and I can write the review I can honestly say I have been dying to write. It was hard writing this one and trying to keep the hype from clouding my judgement. Anyway, onward! With a title as silly as "Snakes On A Plane", I wasn't expecting it to be an Oscar winner. All I cared about was seeing Samuel L. Jackson kick some serious asp. He did just that.
While it won't be taking home any Academy Awards, seeing as how it bombed in the box office but will more than make up for any losses in rentals, "Snakes On A Plane" does otherwise prove itself to be an entertaining film, even though was a little slow at the beginning and the plot, being tissue thin as it is, is quickly forgotten.
But once the airliner leaves the tarmac, this roller-coaster of silliness kicks it into high gear, and treats the audience to a vast cornucopia of over the top action, mass hysteria, corny dialogue, a little sex, and a generous serving of gory, wince inducing, yet very humorous, death scenes. Even with all that, however, there isn't much that "Snakes On A Plane" offers that really sets it apart from all other action films. It makes full use of character archetypes and clichés that are typical of the film's genre, but that's not really a bad thing. It probably wasn't meant to be taken seriously, anyway.
Amidst the shenanigans, the film manages to introduce a bit of biting social commentary. Whether or not it's intentional by the film's producers, writing staff, or whatever, it touches on how many Americans react to something "foreign", since it turns out that many of the snakes are not native to American soil. Although I may be making a bit of a stretch to make a point here, this is somewhat galvanised near the end of the film, when it's mentioned that one of the snakes is indigenous to the Middle East (or words to that effect), and someone else says something about it being illegal.
Social commentary aside, I give "Snakes On A Plane" 3½ stars out of 5, and recommend the film based solely on its entertainment value. It's not much more than a par action film riding a wave of internet hype, but it's not the worst thing out there. It's something to see with a bunch of friends for some mindless fun.
An Inconvenient Truth (2006)
The truth hurts
All I can say is:
SEE. THIS. FILM.
There's no other way to put it.
"An Inconvenient Truth" is a documentary of Al Gore's campaign to make the issue of global warming a recognised problem worldwide. If you think that sounds boring, it isn't. Gore is very entertaining and for those of you that know anything about the guy should know just how committed and passionate he is about global warming, and his passion really shows in the film. For you skeptics, see it and decide for yourself. It's really an excellent film.
La marche de l'empereur (2005)
Heartwarming...
"March of the Penguins" is a look at the annual journey of the Emperor penguin as they march across over 70 miles of frozen Antarctica, in a single line, to their traditional breeding ground. The film is directed by Luc Jacquet, and narrated by Morgan Freeman (the English version is, at least).
While I can't comment on the acting, as there was none, we are treated to some of the most amazing footage ever shot to film, including an underwater segment showing the penguins eating and being eaten. On land, we see the penguin masses huddled together to get whatever warmth they can get while braving the harsh Antarctic winter, as well as predators and other dangers. All to raise their young.
In closing, "March of the Penguins" is an astonishing and heartwarming film for all ages that I highly recommend to anyone.
Click (2006)
Loved it... every minute
"Click" is about a harried workaholic architect, Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) who doesn't have time for his family. Wishing for a way to make his life easier, Michael encounters a quirky sales clerk (Christopher Walken), who gives him a remote that allows Michael to fast-forward and rewind to different parts of his life. Complications arise and hilarity ensues as the remote gradually starts overruling Michael's choices.
The previews for "Click", at least from the previews I've seen, make it out to look like a comedy and nothing but. So naturally, I went into the film expecting to see Adam Sandler make an idiot out of himself.
What I got was something entirely not what I was expecting.
Sure, there are a few elements of standard Sandler fare, like the farting and the dog humping. But when it took a turn for the serious, that's when the film's message is hammered home, and Sandler's skills as an actor really shine. It was hard fighting back the tears at some parts.
Of course, Sandler couldn't have done it without an exceptional supporting cast. Kate Beckinsale was excellent in her role as Michael's wife, Donna. And Christopher Walken was great as always as the eccentric Bed Bath & Beyond sales clerk.
"Click" is funny. Maybe not as funny as Sandler's other movies, but funny nonetheless. It's also a very powerful, emotional, and moving film. Definitely one of Adam Sandler's best, if not the best. I highly recommend this film to anyone who likes a good laugh, but also likes really well done drama. You won't be disappointed.
10/10
Ratten - sie werden dich kriegen! (2001)
A decent creature feature
I just finished watching a little piece of German horror called "Ratten - sie werden dich kriegen!", or better known by its English title of "Revenge of the Rats".
In a nutshell, the movie is about a city (Frankfurt) facing its worst heat wave in 150 years. The city's municipal workers go on strike, leaving the garbage nothing to do but pile up and turn Frankfurt into a really smelly place to live. Eventually, rats begin to take to the streets in search of food. As if an infestation of rodential isn't bad enough, it's soon discovered that the rats are carrying a virus, which makes them hard to kill and deadly to humans.
While everything about this film is that of your typical creature feature, the film itself is not that bad. In fact, it's quite good. The acting is good. Not great, but it's acceptable. The special effects aren't the greatest in the world, but for a film such as this, they're quite alright. And while this is a horror film, don't go into the movie looking for a shock a minute. Or buckets of blood for that matter. If this film isn't something, it's gory. About as bloody as it gets is someone getting bit on the hand. There are a couple of scenes that let your imagination fill in the blanks, which is always a plus in any film.
Probably about the only people this might disturb are those who have a fear of rats. Trust me, there are a lot of rats in this. But with a name like "Revenge of the Rats", what else would you expect? As a rat lover myself, I wasn't bothered at all by the presence of millions of rodential.
My only real problem with the movie, and this is only a very minor nitpick, is that the English version is dubbed. If it were German with English subtitles, I would have been happy. What also makes me sad is the lack of an option to change the language to German (or any other language for that matter). The options on the DVD are pretty much just the movie and scene selections. But maybe someday I'll get to see the film in all its German glory, but until then, this will have to do.
Snakes on a Train (2006)
Snakes On A @!$# Train!
Upon renting this, I wasn't expecting to be blown away. In fact, I knew it was going to be horrible. It was just seeing how horrible it really was. That's what comes with low budget horror.
"Snakes On A Train", not to be confused with the serpentine summer blockbuster "Snakes On A Plane" with Samuel L. Jackson, is about a woman who is put under a Mayan curse that causes snakes to hatch inside her and devour her from within. Her only hope of surviving lies in a shaman that lives across the border, so she and her companion stowaway onto a train bound for Los Angelas. Throw in a few passengers and hilarity ensues.
Come to think of it, though, the story isn't half bad. Isn't half good, either.
The acting in this film rivals that of a Sci-Fi Original, if not worse. Trust me, it's horrible. The snakes were another problem. They were supposed to be rattlers, I guess, but most of what you get instead are mostly harmless garden snakes that don't attack anything and there's this rattling sound effect that gets really annoying.
The gore effects on the other hand, while not on the Tom Savini level, were actually pretty good.
And another thing, the ending alone makes up for the rest of the movie. I'm not going to talk about it here, so you'll have to rent this and see for yourself.
Punch-Drunk Love (2002)
Absolutely wonderful...
"Punch-Drunk Love" is a romantic comedy written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogis Nights, Magnolia), and is about a beleaguered small business owner (Adam Sandler) who gets a harmonium and embarks on a romantic journey with a mysterious woman (Emily Watson).
I must admit, when I first saw that the movie had Adam Sandler, I was expecting something zany along the lines of "Happy Gilmore" or "Anger Management". I couldn't imagine this guy in a serious role. "Punch-Drunk Love" knocked all those assumptions down for the count. It was absolutely awesome seeing Sandler handle such a deep and complex role with ease.
This is the first film I've seen that has Emily Watson in it, so I don't have anything to compare her performance in this film to. But all the same, I think she did a wonderful job as the love interest. I will definitely be keeping an eye out for more of her films.
In short, "Punch-Drunk Love" is wonderfully well-written, smart, and funny. I highly recommend it.
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
I love this film!
I bought SotD on DVD way back in 2005 (and on Valentine's Day, no less), and watched it as soon as I got home. I instantly fell in love with it (and Simon Pegg). I watched it everyday for nearly a month.
A friend of mine came over tonight to watch a movie. And since I hadn't watched it in awhile, I convinced them to watch "Shaun". The movie is just as good, if not better, than the first time I watched it, and it was funny as heck screaming at the "jumps" to scare the crap out of my friend.
Awesome movie and, if I must say so myself, one of the best zombie movies I've ever seen (with the exception of George Romero's "Dawn of the Dead", of course).