Reviews

My (viewing!) experience with Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider) was, frankly, a bit unsettling! Here we have an actress who, supposedly, exudes sexual energy and charisma and to be honest she does reek of it in this film. The problem is she has absolutely no-one to direct it towards.

I assume Daniel Craig was the intended target of SOME of this sexual energy, but either her aim is as crap as a Russian foot soldier in a James Bond film or he's as thick as lumpy custard. Whatever! It didn't work.

All of which begged the question … who is she seducing?? Am I the one to whom she's directing all of those meaningful looks and double-entendres? Thanks Sweetie but my heart's spoken for.

But then it occurred to me that most of the sexy banter and suggestions took place when she was alone. Is she actually talking to herself? Which would mean she wants to have sex with …

Either possibility would send a teenage guy to kicks heaven I suppose (let's face it, this film was not made for the girlies) but it left me squirming on the sofa (and not in the good way).

1. "See the pretty pictures"

2. You can watch it while you do the ironing.

3. It's narrated by Paddington Bear … aw, that took me back.

4. Ryan O'Neal kisses another man … twice (Nelson and Hardy leap to mind).

5. It's great fun watching Ryan O'Neal compete with Reginald Perrin for the hand of an 18th century slapper.

6. You needn't worry you'll miss something if you go to the kitchen for a cup of tea … the same scene (and in come cases the same shot) will still be on when you get back.

7. There are no likable characters in the film so you don't need to worry about what happens to them.

8. It'll remind you to buy candles in case there's a blackout.

9. A pleasant reminder that guns don't kill people … period.

10. "Women of Ireland" by Sean O Riada – Mnà na hEireann!!