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ginger1981
Reviews
Dark Shadows (2012)
It was fun, and then I went "huh"?
When it comes to movies, I only expect to be entertained and nothing else. If it makes me think deeply about any given subject, all the better but if I'm not drawn in I don't care. Therefore, my tastes with film are simple...if I came out of the theater feeling like it was money and time well spent, then it was a decent film.
I enjoyed this movie and was thoroughly entertained. I grew up on old Dark Shadows reruns, and enjoyed that Burton didn't take it too seriously (as I think the early 90's revival series with Ben Cross did). Let's face it...the original series was cheesy, and oftentimes downright bad. But the story lines were compelling, and Jonathan Frid was a pretty good actor to boot.
The first 15 minutes of the film were brilliant. The opening scenes portrayed how the Collins family arrived in Colonial America, the affair with Angelique, the death of Josette and the transformation of Barnabas. It then goes into the opening credits with Knights In White Satin as the background music while Victoria Winters travels to Colinsport through the forests of Maine.
From there the 1970's story takes off and the comedy begins. Most of the comedy centered around Barnabas being a fish out of water in the 1970's. Now, I admit that while watching the series as a kid, I always thought Barnabas eased his way into modern times with too little difficulty. Shouldn't Barnabas have been confounded by say, electricity, cars, or pop culture? It seems that Burton and Depp thought that as well and there were several very funny scenes showing how Barnabas coped with the modern world. I laughed out loud several times along with the rest of the audience.
So finally, we come to the climax, and that was where I felt the movie went off the tracks. Without giving spoilers away, there was a major surprise during the climax that made me go "where did that come from?" But generally, the climactic scene was a bit boring for such a major scene!
As for other issues, I feel the one other problem was that the character of Dr. Julia Hoffman was unnecessary in this film. In the original series, she had quite a major role. Burton cut out quite few major characters in this film from the original series, so I ended up feeling he was trying to find a role for his wife in the movie more than keeping the character in out of necessity for the plot line. To have given the plot line with Dr. Julia it's proper due you really would have needed several more scenes.
Based on how much I was entertained by the film, I give it an 8. I would have probably gave it a 9 had the climax been different and keeping more with the story line. For the first 15 minutes of the film alone, I bumped up the score from 7 to 8 as rarely are opening credits done so well as in this film.
I would recommend this film to fans of the original series who never took it too seriously, or anyone who loves a good send-up to Twilight (one MAJOR scene in particular) and loves 70's nostalgia.
Teen Wolf (1986)
I think I remember it being better than it really was.
I remember loving this cartoon series when I was 5 years old. Every Saturday morning I would get up at the crack of dawn to watch such shows as The Real Ghostbusters, Muppet Babies and Teen Wolf. I found the old Teen Wolf cartoons on you tube, and as I suspected the series is not as good as I remember it being. The animation is nowhere near as good as animation is today, and some of the story lines are cheese-tastic, but this was the 80's and I think it was somewhat intentional to keep this show in line with the same level of campiness as the movie. But I think it probably would still be relatively entertaining to many 5 year old even today, so I give the show a relatively high rating keeping in mind who the audience for the show would be.
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)
Rolling on the floor in uncontrollable fits of laughter.
I had seen the ending of this movie on one of USA's Shark Attack marathons, and I laughed so hard I bought it so I could see the whole movie. And I tell you I was not disappointed. We tend to think of B movies being from the 80's on back, but apparently there is still a small market for straight to video releases. I will admit: it's rare to see any B-movie this entertaining.
I have only laughed so hard once in my life where I was rolling on the floor in uncontrollable fits, and it was this movie that did that to me. Anchorman couldn't even do that to me.
In short, it's basically a straight-up Jaws rip-off with Russian actors badly dubbed with bad dialog. Bad script, bad directing, bad acting, bad editing, bad sound, bad key-gripping, bad best-boying, and I'm sure bad-catering as well. But that doesn't even compare to the caliber of the special fx: no mechanical sharks here, nor a man in shark suit with a zipper up the back. It's even worse...Discovery Channel Shark Week stock footage of sharks either rear projected or edited in by perhaps a rhesus monkey. Jacques Cousteau is rolling in his grave as I write this.
Things to watch for: -The changing size of the shark -The medical kit that only has a flare gun in it -The submarine exterior size vs. the size of it's interior -The republican militiaman (who looks mysteriously like John McCain) flipping off the shark -The Apex Corporation's Cold-Waresque control room -The box of explosives -The rifle that still works after being underwater for 5 minutes -"Mistery Shark" -The digital photo of the shark tooth -People jumping off the ship that isn't actually sinking into the water with the Megladon -The fact that there seems to be no Mexicans in Mexico -Who is touching the girl's thigh? -The bombs that look like Magic 8-Balls -"Always carry a spare. It's the Navy way." -The leftover torpedo arsenal in John McCain's house -The church scene that has absolutely nothing to do with anything else in the movie -Topless women that have absolutely nothing to do with anything in the movie -Sex scene that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie -The man taking off the clown mask that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie -The skinny dipping scene, where the guy says something incredibly dirty to the girl (speaking of something biting her in the _____. (it rhymes with "scooter") -***MY PERSONAL FAVORITE*** ....The line. Believe me, you'll know it when you hear it. It's so dirty...I wanted to wash myself after hearing it. In fact, my roommate and I didn't know if we had heard it quite right (we couldn't believe that a scriptwriter would put a line that awful in a movie) the first time around, and we had to rewind it and listen again. We laughed for 15 minutes straight.
Amazingly, it's a highly watchable movie. There are a few times when the action gets slow, but it generally moves along at a pretty good clip. All the goofs and badness of it make it a great movie to watch with a friend who appreciates B-movies. I'm convinced the two leading actors didn't take this movie too seriously due to what appears to be laughter in some serious scenes, but all the other actors are Russian, and this is probably how they feed their vodka habit. I very much recommend this movie for a good laugh, and nothing more.
Tombstone (1993)
Val Kilmer Steals the Show
The movie is all together an excellent - if not historically accurate portrayal of the shootout at the OK Corral. Though Kurt Russell is excellent as the main protagonist Wyatt Earp, it is clearly Val Kilmer's character of Doc Holliday that makes the film. His acting is impeccable, and I don't think he has played a character as well since. He should have won the Oscar for Best Supporting Performance. Even if you aren't a fan of Westerns, rent this movie...not only for the other fine performances, but for Doc Holliday as well.
There have been few fine great Westerns in the past 15 years...the only other that comes to mind is Unforgiven...another reason that makes this film special.