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Reviews
You Instead (2011)
Extremely Poor
Difficult to know where to start with this one, as there is so much that is wrong with You Instead that I could easily fill twice IMDb's word limit and then some. Here are a few basic points: The plot is so slight and implausible as to be almost non-existent. In the hands of a good director this would not necessarily be a bad thing if the ensuing action was engaging, funny or persuasive. Sadly, none of it is - 'Somewhere' this is not. Indeed, it has all the hallmarks of a film that started shooting without a fully realised script and has relied on improvisation and hasty rewrites to get by - ie. a lack of narrative drive which is further hobbled by stilted dialogue, devoid of the sparkle or wit that you need if you're basic premise is as flimsy as You Instead's is. I sense that there was an attempt to construct some sort of episodic structure to make up for this lack of cohesive plot, but none of it knits together, satisfyingly or otherwise. The filmmakers will probably claim that it's meant to capture the spirit of T in the Park and that it's aimed at a young audience. But that cannot excuse this long ribbon of tripe, which would be only slightly more convincing if it was presented as the product of a student project. No doubt You Instead be funnelled into that most dubious of categories 'Cult Classic', but don't be fooled, folks, avoid!
Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)
Very disappointing.
Poorly executed Paul Verhoeven 80's pastiche with little very little to recommend for it - the film establishes its meagre premise pretty early on and then just sets about finding out how many ways it can kill and maim its cardboard-thin characters. I'm sure there will be those who argue that fans of this sort of thing will love it and that it is an intentionally funny homage to the grindhouse genre, but it doesn't excuse such a tedious film. Producing something that is so obviously lacking in the inventiveness and humour of the films it seeks to ape, and then claiming 'that's what we intended', is a poor excuse. As the old tautological truism goes: a bad film is a bad film. Just shows that a great film title alone is not enough.
Land of the Dead (2005)
no no no no no no
Oh dear. Talk about disappointment. It would seem that Mr Romero hasn't actually noticed the spate of zombie flicks that have proliferated the market over the past few years. As it is, we still have the lumbering flesh eaters of yore, the sort that only the terminally clumsy and unarmed can fail to hit. Surely he saw the remake of his Dawn of the Dead. The homicidal sprinters combined with genuinely gruesome and terrifying action makes this effort look amateur. The idea of trying to get the audience to sympathise with the zombies as victims in this film, even as they tear out the throat of another victim, is ridiculous. There isn't any sense of emotional ambivalence, it's just cack-handed. The plot - and I know that isn't the main point of this genre - is just too flimsy to support the action. It's perhaps the biggest flaw of this film, that after making two great genre films, laden with tension, horror and meaning, is that Romero has made such a slight film. It has no resonance beyond a few lead-footed references to 'jihads' and 'not negotiating with terrorists'. Instead we're left with acres of gore and schlock and little real horror - which of course is always fun, but I had such high hopes for this. As I said, very very very disappointed.
The Aristocrats (2005)
Unexpectedly Brilliant
A bizarre experience to hear the same joke over and over again, dissected, spun one way and then another, told from a female perspective then the males, with each having their own particular appeal or turn off. The film, if anything, shows that telling of jokes is as much, if not more, about the teller than the story being told. Strangely enough, I didn't tire of hearing the joke told over and over again and there were some moments where I virtually fell off the chair partly laughing, partly cringing. The rapid-fire cutting works well, given that the footage is almost all talking heads - some are better than others, Eric Edle just looks bewildered, as does Eddie Izzard - and it raises profanity to an art form. I think it could set records for the amount of swearing used in a moving picture. Imagine Goodfellas to the power of ten and then your getting close. What makes this film so enjoyable is the way the comedians take so much joy in explaining their interpretation of the joke and the situations in which they've told it or heard it. Of course, it comes down to your sense of humour. If you don't find the joke funny, which i've discovered isn't to everybody's taste - and to be quite honest, if Victoria Wood is your idea of far out humour, avoid this like the plague. People who are easily offended will be lucky if they can make it 30 seconds into the film without finding their temper rising. You have been warned. A brilliant oddity.
The Business (2005)
Truly Awful
As far as Brit Crime films go,this has to be the final scraping of the barrel. One of the clunkiest, poorly written scripts ever committed to celluloid, the cast come straight from the bargain bucket section of 'Cockney Geezers' - even the female characters' dialogue is laden with "Cor, blimey, you're 'avin' a larf, aintcha, you slaaaggggg" clichés. The unconvincing plot, pacing, structure, narrative style have been lifted wholesale from Goodfellas, Lock Stock..., and Sexy Beast, without much effort to change, elaborate or even just come up with a fresh idea. Though this may be lost on non-UK residents, the whole sorry affair smacks of the short-lived and much-mocked 90s soap Eldorado. It's apparent 80s setting is only evinced by the woeful soundtrack - Buggles, Soft Cell, Duran Duran, et-clichéd-cetera - and the fact that they're all clad in Sergio Taccini and Fila sportswear. An extra mention should go out to the misogyny that runs throughout the film. Women are either deceitful, cold-hearted bitches or foul-mouthed harpies, and in the main are shown giving enforced oral relief to the main 'characters' - I use that word advisedly - or getting beaten to within an inch of the their lives. I sat through the premier of this last night at the Edinburgh Film Festival, and fortunately I was at the back of the cinema, as it mean my laughter and groans were for the best part muffled. Nick Love should be banned from making any more films and the cast should be ashamed of even thinking they can act. Shocking and just bad for the British film industry. I thought we'd stopped making films this awful.