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Reviews
Firestarter (2022)
Disappointing remake
I don't usually say this, but the original version was better by far. Almost feels like a low-budget TV movie. So much potential wasted, and the ending felt so weak and rushed. Give it a try only if there's nothing else to watch.
The Outsider (2020)
Could have been so much more...
It really baffles me as to why, when you have an amazing book with so much material to adapt, some arrogant self-entitled writer / writers feel they need to add their own 'fresh' ideas and completely ruin the original story. It smacks of arrogance that you think you could do better. If you can, then don't ride the coattails of the author. Write your own script.
The first two episodes started off great and it was all downhill from there. As someone who has read the original story, this was utter drivel. My brother hadn't read it, so he didn't really mind the changes.
I don't have anything against adding something new or different if it enhances the storytelling experience. But to change characters and rewrite entire sections of the story, just because you think you fancy yourself to be creative when you clearly aren't, then there's no point.
My ratings are for the first 2 episodes.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Entertaining enough with the plot holes
Interesting concept, but of course as a movie with aliens and time travel, it's always going to be overshadowed by the brilliant Edge of Tomorrow. Still, if you can ignore the plot holes, cliched stereotypes and the usual ridiculous government behaviour, it's an entertaining movie.
Love, Death & Robots: The Drowned Giant (2021)
Great animation. Plot holes aplenty
The animation is top notch, as usual. I would give it about 85% in terms of closeness to realism. But the story doesn't make sense. So a giant washes up on shore. Is it a regular occurrence? Obviously not, as everyone seems fascinated by it. So where's the government? The military? The general sense of panic? A 30-storey building tall giant washes up dead on your shore and you have just a few local scientists studying it? Locals climbing all over it like a theme park attraction? We treat whale carcasses with more interest here than the giant was treated to.
Maybe the entire story is a metaphor for how we treat unfamiliar objects but like I said, it doesn't make sense. We don't treat it with this kind of detached disinterest.
My review: Animation 8.5 out of 10. Story 3 out of 10.
The Meg (2018)
Weak, disappointing dribble
A giant prehistoric shark let loose to wreak havoc in today's seas and beaches. What could go wrong? Well, apparently nothing. There are no grisly deaths, no sense of menace, no crunchy bathers eaten (or swallowed alive), nothing. And the heroine actually brings her eight-year-old daughter to the underwater base, while searching for the "world's largest predator". Apparently megalodons are like grumpy old men. They only take a bite out of you if you disturb their peace.
All in all, a disappointing, tastelessly bland serving of a movie, just like the bathers the meg ignored. It's a pity the Stath even accepted to act in it. If you want a proper shark movie, go back and watch Jaws and yes, Jaws 2. If you want to see people eaten alive, watch Piranha. Avoid this at all costs.
PS. The PG-13 rating should tell you all you need to know about this "shark" movie.
Skyfire (2019)
Painful. In every sense of the word.
I don't know where to start. The plot is laughable, the CGI looks like something done with the help of a $10 app and the acting is atrocious. The worst part of all is the attempt in trying to make the plot deep and thought-provoking.
I understand the attempt to explore a different genre from the usual run-of-the-mill romance tropes from Bollywood but this is just bad.
Tian · Huo (2019)
Copycat disaster movie is a disaster in itself
A Chinese version of a generic Hollywood disaster movie but with worse plotline and some suspect CGI.
It is ironic that Chinese movies that try to copy Hollywood movies are just really bad but when they come up with something original, they are spectacular, even if it's sometimes overt propanganda.
The only redeeming feature in this movie is Jason Isaacs and for that reason and that reason alone, I give this a single star.
Nobody (2021)
No apologies, just fun.
I don't have much to say here that everyone else hasn't said. Brutal, unapologetic, straight forward. Pure entertainment. Someone said it perfectly below: Better call Saul, John Wick's uncle. Nuff said.
Without Remorse (2021)
Absolutely disappointing garbage
I don't even know how to describe this travesty. Weak, unconvincing bad guys, unrealistic and totally unnecessary inclusion of a female Navy SEAL who looks like a model rather than a seasoned veteran, and the introduction of characters not even in the book...why name it after the book if you are not going to follow any part of it?
This is just a cheap attempt to cash in on the Tom Clancy brand and it fails hopelessly. As a standalone movie, I would probably give it a 3. As the first part of a supposed Tom Clancy Universe, I am upset that I can't give it a zero. This movie is so bad that even the current Hollywood trend of switching gender/race to hypocritically proclaim their "wokeness" takes a back seat to its magnitude of ineptness.
And that part where Clark forces the bad guys to say his wife's name, so that we can all appreciate that she was a real person and not some statistic was so cringey that I had to cover my face.
Raya and the Last Dragon (2021)
Looks great, studio-boardroom storyline.
I won't go into too much detail here since a lot of other reviewers have essentially pointed out the flaws in the movie better than I can. To summarise, the movie looks amazing, and the story starts out okay, but then it just becomes a hodge-podge mish-mash of old stories from other movies, suspiciously similar to what a committee in a board-room would come up with.
And therein lies the problem. It would have been a good movie but everything is so predictable and you feel like you have seen it all before, which, unfortunately is true. And it leaves you with an empty feeling, like cotton candy. Looks full, but invariably empty and without substance. What a pity Disney decided to go down this route.
Malcolm & Marie (2021)
Ghosts of Sam Levinson's past
Seems like the screenplay for this movie resulted from the aftermath of several therapy sessions Sam Levinson might have gone to.
The acting is fine, except for the fact that Zendaya looks too young to be JDW's wife and I find it difficult to believe people would actually use such complicated words in the middle of an argument.
Overall, it is a fairly boring movie about two people arguing but what really irritates me is the use of black and white. It is pretentious and pandering to the extreme, as if to say "Look, this is a deep movie about the underlying friction between two people who love each other and it's shot in black and white so it is awards material".
Watch it if you have nothing else to do, or if you like Zendaya and/or JDW or you are curious about the movie (all three reasons I watched it). I hope you come out with slightly better opinions of it than I did.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
Cliched and tired...
Just a really bad movie on every front. Gadot doesn't look like she's having fun, the script is ridiculously predictable, and there just isn't anything vaguely of interest here.
Granted, Gadot looks great, but that's about it. Her acting's wooden, Pedro Pascal is almost a caricature of a TV con man, and they could have removed Chris Pine totally from the movie and you wouldn't have missed anything.
Makes me wonder whether there really was a need for a sequel after all. The first movie was genuinely warm and had a lot of heart. This, on the other hand, is a weak dribble. Pointless, bland, predictable and totally forgettable.
Childhood's End (2015)
Disappointing adaptation of a Sci-fi classic
I read the book when I was in University, along with The Ghost from Grand Banks, The City and The Stars, and finally, the Rama series. I cannot overstate the fact that these were, in my opinion, landmarks of Sci-fi literature. Mind-boggling visions of a high-tech future that's half-realized and half-fantasy.
When I heard there was a series, I was really interested but wary. This is a reinterpretation of a 1960s story. Would they follow the original concept? Or take some necessary liberties with it? Sadly, the answer is neither. It has, for want of a better term, been Hollywoodized. Gone are the mysterious, god-like aliens, now replaced by tired, almost bored beings who seem to have descended to the same emotional plane we humans inhabit.
Characters have been changed unnecessarily, and even though I understand that we need to have more female representation, this reeked of a committee decision.
Watching this soiled my memories of this great book and I have to say it was sobering. I have just ordered a new copy of Childhood's End to read all over again and purge my memory banks of this travesty.
Koma (2019)
Intriguing story with pretty well-done effects
There's something about Russian sci-fi movies that have been released in the past ten years or so. The special effects are almost on a par with Hollywood, in that they are very good. It is the story aspect where they still have to catch up. Movies like Nightwatch, Dark Planet, Guardians and Sputnik are visually spectacular with interesting concepts but the storylines feel so rushed, almost like afterthoughts, as if the FX were the main focus.
Coma (or Koma) to me fares slightly better in this regard. The effects are good and there is actually an interesting story that explains this weird and mind-bending/gravity-bending world. It could benefit from more polish and details are quickly glossed over but it's a good start from this director.
The hero of our story, an architect, wakes up one morning to find out his world is literally in bits and pieces, almost Escher-like with multiple surfaces and micro-gravity. To make matters worse, he's chased by this weird-looking apparition that I can only describe as similar to evaporating tar...if you can picture that in your mind.
The rest of the movie explains how everything became the way it is and if you aren't asking too many questions, you should be satisfied with the explanation, to a certain level, anyway.
There are comparisons to Matrix and Inception, and while perfectly reasonable, it's not a complete copy. In fact, I am actually disappointed that they didn't explore this broken world more. There was so much potential in seeing bits and pieces of recognisable cityscapes all jumbled up and jumping into space and landing on your feet sideways on a completely different part of the city (world?).
If you are a sci-fi fan, you should definitely give this movie a try. It's got potential, and if Hollywood ever decided to remake it, I am sure it would be a visual spectacle. I am glad I got to watch it.
Recommended, especially if you are a sci-fi fan looking for something different.
Artemis Fowl (2020)
Haven't read the book.
Boring, uninteresting mess. I have to say I was completely unprepared for the fact that a movie starring Farrell and Dench, with Branagh behind the camera could be so forgettable and bland. I won't say much, except that I came into it with an open mind, since I haven't read the books and had no preconceived ideas about what to expect. But it was just a forgettable experience.
Extraction (2020)
Fairly predictable but watchable action flick
With a pretty predictable plot and some nifty camera work, Extraction is a good way to spend some time if you really like hardboiled action flocks with car chases and close combat.
There's nothing special or memorable about this movie but it is entertaining, in my opinion, and Hemsworth plays an all-too-human mercenary with weaknesses quite believably. It helps also that the kid isn't a complete idiot nor an annoying smart-ass, something that's all too common in a lot of Hollywood movies these days.
All in all, fairly predictable but entertaining. A solid 6.
Fantasy Island (2020)
Nothing in common with the original but still lots of fun
For everyone thinking this is a modern version of the series, let me just say that it's based very loosely on the original concept of having your fantasies come to life, but that is about it. This is more of a thriller with supernatural elements to it and I would have to say it was pretty entertaining, with a little twist at the end. Watch it without expecting anything from the old series and you will have quite a bit of fun.
The Dead Don't Die (2019)
Slow, vaguely promising start that just doesn't deliver
Bill Murray, Adam Driver, Danny Glover and Steve Buscemi in a zombie movie! With Tilda Swinton, Chloe Sevigny and Selena Gomez! It should be the most fun-filled zombie comedy since Zombieland, right? Unfortunately, and this is a big, capital UNFORTUNATELY, no. The trailer was more interesting than the movie, and even that itself was just average.
The movie starts off really slow, as if it wants you to invest in the lives of the characters, and shows us the various townsfolk we know will eventually turn into zombies, because that's what happens when they try to get us interested in totally boring character. By the time the zombies appear, in batches, by the way, not all at once, you could be forgiven for having grabbed a quick shut-eye.
These are slow-moving, George Romero type zombies, except that there are just a few of them and you could literally avoid them if you walked quickly and smartly. Yet, everybody seems to get bitten, there is a really stupid stand-off in a cemetery where Bill Murray and Adam Driver don't even try and escape, but instead try and face the zombies head on, only for them to get bitten and die. Add to this, a totally meaningless character played by Tilda Swinton who seems to be have an idea of what the zombies are, only for her to get beamed up (in a beam-me-up-Scotty way) into a UFO that just appears out of nowhere, for no reason.
The first signs of the movie being silly (and not in a good way) is when Adam Driver says to Bill Murray that the reason the song on the radio sounds familiar is because it is the theme song. Yes, there was even a pathetic attempt to break the fourth (or fifth or whatever) wall by making them aware that they are in a movie. And at the end, when Bill asks Adam how he knew it wasn't going to end well, he gets the reply "Because I read the script". To which Bill says "What? They only gave me my role. I didn't even get the full script."
There are a few, inventive jokes, but they only highlight what an entertaining movie this could have been, instead of the anti-climatic, boring drag it turns out to be. Adam Driver with a Star Wars keychain, for example, a nod to his role in the franchise, the zombies carrying phones, looking for WiFi signal, Steve Buscemi's overt right-wing tendencies and so on. Even the presence of the great Bill Murray only heightens the sense of disappointment in this movie because I was expecting so much. Instead, he sleepwalks through the entire movie, much like the entire cast.
There are those who seem to find this movie brilliant and funny and ironic and that's fine. At least it meant some people had a good time watching it. Overall, it was just a complete disappointment.
The Lion King (2019)
Visual feast, dumbed down dialogue and zero heart
As expected, the movie opens with possibly, IMO, the greatest opening scene EVER in the history of movies. The song, the scale, it's all pretty close to the original, even if one or two notes are deliberately sung differently.
Visually, the movie looks great. I wouldn't go as far to say it looks incredible, but it does look pretty good. But that's about it. Like so many people, I have seen the original so many times, I can almost recite every line word for word. And that's where the problem starts. A lot of the wisecracks and humor has been discarded with, for no apparent reason.
So many of my favourite one-liners and jokes have been replaced with bland, instantly forgettable lines. Beyonce just overdoes all her lines, and the new song they slotted in, Spirit, was just flat and pointless, even in its two minutes of existence.
For anyone who hasn't seen the original (and I realised there were actually quite a few of those in the audience with me), it might just be an average movie. For those of us who grew up with it over the past 25 years, it is a disappointing, flat, soul-less money grab by Disney and they should be ashamed of it. But of course, they aren't. It's all about the money, and not the heart, even though that's what Disney used to claim all those years back.
The recent Jungle Book, which came out a couple of years ago, was much better than this movie in every aspect. Such a sad indication of what Disney has become.
A Star Is Born (2018)
Good movie...but we all know the story
Gaga and Cooper have great chemistry onscreen, and their relationship was very believable...Some of the songs are good, worthy of listening to more than twice.
The movie starts out well, as expected, and if you are familiar with the story, you know how it's all going to end. My problem with the movie, though it's just me, and might not be for everyone, is that towards the end, the focus turns more to Cooper and his unraveling, rather than the rise and 'maturing' of Gaga's character.
Apart from that, the movie is great. It's got a couple of songs that are worth a relisten, Bradley really gets to show off his acting skills, and more surprisingly, Gaga shows that she can act as well.
Good movie, recommended if you love tearjerkers...and still recommended if you aren't.
Overlord (2018)
Entertaining enough, but misses the chance to be something different.
I was drawn to this because of the trailer, which promised zombies and nasty German experiments and stuff...However, the real movie is a far tamer affair and not even a bit scary. We don't feel anything for the characters, and the much-awaited showdown between the 'good guys' and the zombies does not really happen the way I was expecting it to.
It's a pity because Wolfenstein did all this way better years back and I was really looking forward to a horror movie with a WW2 setting, not a WW2 movie with a tentative dab into the undead.
Final verdict: Just entertaining. Just average.
Alien: Covenant (2017)
A complete and utterly incoherent mess
Spoilers ahead!!!
This is the nail in the coffin for Ridley Scott's Alien Universe, as far as I am concerned. After all these years of believing the Xenos to be genuine alien creatures, Mr Scott has now told us that they were in fact, created by an Android with a God-complex.
That's right. The Android from Prometheus, Fassbender's David, actually decided to try his hands at creating a new life form because he got bored. I can't even begin to go beyond this explanation without flying into a rage.
The movie is an absolute waste of time. Visually, it sits somewhere in the generic space exploration genre...nothing original or jaw-dropping. Nothing memorable. The characters are so bland and uninteresting, it's hard to know who's who. We are told that some of the crew members are married. With the exception of the Fassbender 2.0 and Daniels (the lady who's husband mercifully burns to death in his pod so he doesn't go through this travesty), it is hard to figure out who is married to whom, and why the entire crew is so stupid that they would walk out onto an alien planet (AGAIN!!) without any form of protection.
Don't expect any answers from this pulsating crapfest. As far as I am concerned, the Alien Universe stopped with Alien and Aliens. Pretend this never happened.
And by the way, I am really curious as to how, if indeed the Xenos were created by an Android, did they become such feared space-faring creatures that even the Predators hunted them in legends. Scott should retire to an old people's home. Honestly. He has lost it completely. What a waste.
Banshee (2013)
Tightly written, gripping series
Brilliant series with extreme violence and an intriguing plot. Sure, the main character beds almost every attractive woman he comes across but the story and the hook at the end of every episode is perfect to keep you glued to the screen for the next episode.
Can't say much about the plot since it is pretty simple. An ex-con, released after serving his time, goes through a small town in the middle of Middle America and due to some circumstances, passes himself off as the new sheriff.
Suffice it to say that this is the most basic explanation, but the consequences affect almost every one in town, from the sleepy police department to the mayor to the district attorney and the local mobster.
This is NOT a series you want to watch with your kids. Its got lots of sex and some of the bloodiest and most gruesome acts of violence I can recall seeing on TV apart from GoT. The characters are easy to identify with and my favorite was Hoon Lee as Job, the cross-dressing tech genius with a smart mouth who seems to be one of the two only sensible friends our hero has. Frankie Faison plays his role perfectly as the mellow, weathered ex-boxer-turned-bartender who offers sage bits of advice to Hood and generally keeps everyone grounded, even though he is usually overwhelmed by the things that keep happening in and around his bar.
I would have given this series a solid 9, but for the weird and totally off-track direction the final season starts out with. It got better and back to its basics by the middle of the season but the first half left a bitter taste in my mouth and dented the admiration I had for the way the writers had kept the series going on the past 3 seasons.
Nevertheless, this is just my opinion of it and I still heartily recommend this series to anyone looking for a solid 45 minutes of action- packed entertainment.
Gokudô daisensô (2015)
Weird as F*** and no, I do not think there was any deeper meaning to it
Sometimes viewers like to read all kinds of meanings and metaphors into what is essentially just a hodge-podge mess of ideas that a director stitched together with the flimsiest of story-lines. Yakuza Apocalypse is one of such films. Having watched 13 Assassins, I came into this movie with high expectations. And it started off...rather well.
A yakuza boss who also happens to be a vampire is killed but he manages to transfer(?) his powers to his underling who then is out for revenge. Unfortunately it is not as simple and straightforward as it seems. Throw in a couple of twists and soon this movie becomes weirder than a lizard wearing a sombrero and dancing the flamengo with a stuffed teddy wearing an eye-patch and smoking a Cuban.
A severed head that bites, a woman whose brains literally leak out from her ears, a bi-polar, psychotic, axe-wielding kid, a man in a frog mask wearing a frog party costume, vampires who don't seem to be affected by sunlight, a priest with a mini-coffin on his back...
There were some genuinely ridiculous and funny moments but in the end, this movie is just a mess. And the ending doesn't tie up anything, nor does it answer any questions you might have.
In the end, some will like it, and try to justify their fascination with unintended metaphors and meanings which I am sure the director never really intended in the first place.
Others, like me, will wonder why they didn't stop at 13 Assassins, and try to find mental soap to wash away the cluttered images that are going to stick around in our minds for a while.
My goodness this movie is weird.
Fist Fight (2017)
Disappointingly unfunny and irritating...
So I thought it might be prudent to write a review and warn others (like me) who were taken in by the film's trailer.
This film is not funny. It is irritating, with characters that you cannot relate with. Ice Cube, who we all know can be really funny, is so over the top here that you don't feel any sympathy for him being fired accidentally. The same goes for Charlie Day, who is just a complete wimp. If I had a teacher like him in my school, he wouldn't have lasted a week...
The point is, don't waste your money watching this in the cinema. Wait for it on cable, and then watch it when you have absolutely nothing else to watch. That way, you will realize what a wise decision you made not to waste money on a ticket for this.