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...And Then She Was Gone (1991 TV Movie)
2/10
Nobody behaves this way!
18 January 2022
Contrived unbelievable nonsense about a busy chap caught up in the search for a missing child.

Busy man agrees to go on holiday with his girlfriend, but cancels because of work and he doesn't have a clue why she's angry with him.

He becomes obsessed by a doll and this provides a lot of cringe moments.

Robert Ulrich was a competent actor but he's awful in this nonsense.

Even Lifetime would have trouble greenlighting this baffling, illogical tripe!
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4/10
Nostalgic value, but little else.
8 January 2022
In the 1970s every popular British sitcom from 'Man About The House' to 'Porridge' had a terrible, forgettable movie version made of it.

The same character actors are wheeled out without the sitcom format, or the pithy sitcom-format dialog and without the laughter track. Each movie version of a British sitcom had wide angle cameras and depressing outdoor scenes to moviefy something that should not be moviefied!

This translation from TV to movie theatre is no different.

The running gag about the saucy, busty Rita being caught in compromising situations with the tailor by the Rabbi fall flat along with everything else.

But its redeeming quality is the strength of the entire cast. It's chock full of popular stars of the day from Yootha Joyce to Bill Maynard. Even the minor and uncredited parts are filled by names you'll recognize if you're of a certain age... which I am!

But at the end of the day, it's a poor man's Carry On film.
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Ironside (1967 TV Movie)
2/10
Flaming awful.
15 November 2021
Don't let this terrible pilot ruin the series for you. It does get better.

But this debut has to rate as one of the worst pilots ever committed to film.

It's a joyless, one man show with other people crowbarred in to prop up the main character.

Burr simply doesn't cut it as the stubborn, hard-nosed cop. He's relentlessly rude and dismissive. Nobody (even in 1967) would ever put up with his foul temper.

But after the pilot came and went, the series did get better, so don't judge the world of Ironside by this stinker of a start!
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Heir (2021)
1/10
A crew member wrote the reviews all on the same day!
7 November 2021
Just ignore every review submitted on the 7th of July!

It's painfully obvious that the director's mum has submitted all these dreadful reviews!

This is just awful filmmaking. If someone offers you tickets for this or the option of having your eyes sandblasted from your head, take the latter.
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8/10
"I never knew marriage could be so lonely!"
26 July 2018
Warning: Spoilers
Only one other review apart from this one? I'm not Australian so I don't have any idea if this was a popular program or not, but one review? And he called it '...melodrama - from a cheap paperback!"

The story may be somewhat of a 'melodrama' but the characters downplay the theatrics so it's easy to watch. There are a couple of moments where you slap your forehead and think 'No, no, no, don't do that!'. But for the most part it's plausible.

There are six main characters and each episode focuses on one of them until the end where things are tied up neatly.

First up is alpha male Joe. His son mysteriously disappears from school when he goes to pick him up. Next is Alex who is a shrink with his own issues as his marriage falls apart. Angela is next... the hooker with a heart. Mitch follows as the hapless every-man always playing second fiddle to the star, Joe. Lawyer Gina hits the forefront in episode five and Joe's wife, Anna, ties up the whole kit and caboodle as truths and motives are spelled out for the viewer.

This character-driven story-telling device works well and the drama unfolds neatly. The numerous time-jumps make sense and are easy to follow. Despite the episodes being long, there is (thankfully) very little time wasted. The pace is brisk without being rushed. There are no extended scenes or significant events overly dwelt on.

Over 400 people have 'rated' this series and the average rating is just under 8, which is about right. The story has enough threads to keep it interesting and is never bogged down by extraneous characters or scenes that lead nowhere.

It took me two full episodes to get hooked. But that was mainly because I had read the other review which I shouldn't have done! It's misleading and I suspect that the reviewer didn't watch the entire six hours.

I enjoyed it.
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2/10
Awful and such a waste of on-screen talent.
13 July 2018
Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre AND Basil Rathbone... you'd think you wouldn't even need a script or a story, right? Legends of mystery, horror and comedy all together for a satire of their own onscreen lives! And if you plow through almost all of the reviews here on IMDB you'd be hopped up for a ribald comedy and a satisfying yarn, to feast on...

Unfortunately what you get instead is a terrible story featuring four bored and uninspired actors who trudge slowly from unfunny scene to unfunny scene.

A funeral parlour knocking off the locals to stay financially afloat... How could you possibly mess that idea up? Well, somehow it's managed and the result is a dire look at past masters struggling to maintain their dignity as the story starts off lame and grinds to a halt immediately.

I waded through this torture only because of the acting legends in it. Everything else was as painful and as excruciatingly awful as movie making can get.

You'll think less of the cast after watching this and that's a shame.
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Circle of Fear: Cry of the Cat (1972)
Season 1, Episode 9
7/10
As TV drama goes, it's awful but as nostalgia, it's a gem!
8 July 2018
Doug McClure (my favorite character from 'The Virginian' and the fellow mercilessly parodied as 'Troy McClure' in 'The Simpsons') is a rodeo star with a new bride, Lauri Peters. She's got a feline history and hubby has a feline that all ain't as it should be!

Add Jackie Cooper (the awesome newspaper editor in 'Superman') as the rodeo clown and perennial TV actress Mariette Hartley, and you've got a cast... which in this series is all you need!

This entry in the anthology series is the best of 70's budget television. The 'day is night is suddenly day again' editing trick, the ability to rake in huge stars of the day and an affable ability to take itself too seriously, thereby rendering itself incapable of being taken seriously at all!

Despite the terrible flaws (it was probably only ever meant to be seen once!) the series does draw you in, but that's almost entirely down to the firepower of the cast.

Silly nonsense for anyone under 50... enjoyable nostalgic throwback for the rest of us.
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