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robertcleach-73985
Reviews
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
Not nearly as fun/interesting as its 90s brethren
Quick rating followed but fun with spoilers (lots of immediate spoilers):
- Story/Plot is a 3, just forget about plot point logic or character intellect
- Acting is a 6, a lot of screaming but the acting isn't stilted. It's not award winning for sure but even better horror movies often have worse performances
- Production value is a 4, definitely below average for a theatrical release but better than straight-to-video. Inexpensive sets and I think their lighting budget must've been $50. Efficient, I guess, but could be worse
- Horror/scarce/tension value is a 2, the editing just doesn't lend itself to scares. The movie kicks things off right off the bat with the killer being present and there's just no time to set the stage for what's to come
--Spoiler time-- The one thing I noted about this movie is just how brilliant the Fisherman is at tactical planning. It's just impressive.
The first thing to note, and the biggest letdown of a twist, is that the Fisherman's son, Will, is in on the whole thing. Yes, the Fisherman has a son. And he felt it was appropriate to involve his college-age kid in a murder/vengeance plot that is just incredibly convoluted.
1. Sending Will to the same college as Julie
- Wow, how much planning did this require? I think this takes place a year after the end of the first movie, so it's been two years since the accidental murder-and-run the group performed to kick off the first movie. This means that the killer had this college plan in mind right away. Will must've transferred to the school or applied immediately and was accepted. The first movie is Julie's freshman year in college, so this movie is her Sophomore year.
- So, the Fisherman knew he was going to let Julie live for the first anniversary just so he could set a really convoluted series of traps using his son, who not only attends her college but also attends at least one of her classes and befriends both her, Karla, and Tyrell. The execution to make that happen is applaud-worthy. Just impressive. Also possible that the college thing was an incredibly lucky coincidence. Seems unlikely. Then again, having a son at all for this guy seemed unlikely.
2. The radio show: the killer's only blunder
- We learn that Will called Julie's phone, posing as the local radio station. Will, younger and less experienced than his father, obviously must've planned this trick because it almost stops the plan in its tracks.
- Mistake 1: as soon as the phone rings, Julie vocalizes that her phone number is unlisted. Whoops. She forgets this right away once hearing that it's a local radio station so it's all good.
- Mistake 2: giving Julie and Karla a trivia question that they didn't actually know the answer too. The girls gave the wrong answer to the trivia question of, "What is the capital of Brazil?" The killer has no choice but to swallow that pill of accepting the incorrect answer and hoping for the best. Whoopsie. Again, neither girl ever really follows up until it's far too late to learn that information.
- Mistake 3: July 4th trip. I know it's the anniversary but it seems like a longshot that college kids would have no 4th of July plans a few weeks out from the holiday. This goes double for Julie since she should clearly have some nervousness about this time of year and may not want to just be accepting invites from strangers.
3. Masterful fake car crash scene
- The Fisherman puts together a full-on crash-site reconstruction that Ray and his buddy happen across on their way up to meet Julie. How... HOW was he to know that they'd be specifically coming up that way at that time? Ray clearly said he wasn't going to the vacation to Julie over the phone and, unless the Fisherman was keeping close tabs, he wouldn't know.
- After Ray's arrival on the scene, The Fisherman KNEW that Ray would stop and get out of the car, leaving his buddy behind. The killer knew Ray's car and was patient enough to just sit and wait, probably checking his watch frequently and muttering to himself, "...should be here by now..." over and over.
- The crash scene had a mannequin dressed in full-on fisherman gear, just laying on the ground with an apparently crashed car. Ray goes up to the mannequin which was apparently a ruse at which point the Fisherman just murdered the heck out of the friend
- Ray's buddy dies quickly while Ray fights the killer off enough to be able to get to some kind of urgent care in the sketchy part of some city
- The killer cleans up the entire crime scene by the time cops can get there. Now, the killer has shown himself to be a master at this (reference the ability for the killer to completely fill/clean a trunk with a dead body, live crabs, and a ton of ice in the first movie)
- Anyway, this move was to keep Ray off the island, getting Will invited as backup. Seems like it'd have been easier for Will to be hired to work at the island for the summer but hey, I'm not a genius murderer out for revenge
4. Hotel selection and activities
- Killer is able to book a really crappy hotel that literally has no other guests, so all four are alone with a skeleton crew of cleaners and hosts
- The hotel also has characters that are easy pickin's for a talented murderer to have a field day
- The killer tampered with a Karaoke tape which means he knew the bartender would recommend the machine, that the kids would be interested in the machine, and that they'd just go with the default song, the ironic and iconic I Will Survive.
5. Master of Weather
- The Bahamas doesn't close for July. I looked it up. Therefore the killer must've spent a long time posing as a weather expert. Obviously he fully convinced the owner to shut down the gorgeous island resort during the summer holiday. No other explanation at all and all off camera, of course.
- I have no words, just brilliant. Good on you, Fisherman, for rolling a nat 20 on your charisma check.
6. Dramatic Killing Order and Reveals
- Not only does the Fisherman murder hotel staff one-by-one, he does so in a wide variety of island locations. We know it wasn't Will doing all this since he was always with Tyrell or Julie.
- The killer then stashes the bodies in locations that then get uncovered individually by the group. Each location hidden enough to go unnoticed by anybody except specific characters so that everybody gets to find one.
- Sticking a body in an active industrial clothes drier for Karla to find was another masterstroke. She was attracted by the noise of a bulky object in the machine because she wanted proof that it was ok to put sneakers into a clothes drier. Um... it isn't, please don't. Also, why you going around opening the industrial washer/drier units? So rude.
- The killer then moves ALL the bodies AGAIN into a single location so that the group can all stumble upon this hidden treasure together for EXTRA drama and thrills. Chef's kiss. Chef's kiss. Chef's kiss. Bold move that paid off, amazing style points on this one.
7. Another major gamble by making the team think they won
- The killer is gutsy and that's what makes him truly special. He obviously knows that the group aren't going to double-check their predator's demise all that closely, and also knows that they won't mortally wound him.
- Allowing himself to be shot and tossed into the open grave he dug (seemingly for the kids) was just the kind of thing that would surely lower their guard again for next year. Will, he must hope, also lives through his own injuries. But clearly the art of successfully terrorizing these kids is enough for him to risk his own son's life.
In short, The Fisherman is just dedicated to his art and it's always fun to watch somebody with that level of talent and love for his work do his thing. BUT, I'm still giving it a 4. He's the only gem in the bunch and just can't shine brilliantly enough to make up for the rest of the trash heap.
Ender's Game (2013)
Very true to the book... somewhat to its detriment
I'm a huge fan of the book which is always a good way to ruin a film experience before one evens sits down to take it in. I saw this movie 9 years after its launch so I knew it wasn't going to be great.
What I wasn't expecting was how true to the book it was. They really captured a lot of the visuals in a way that convinced me that this was made by somebody who also enjoyed the source material immensely.
BUT, when transferring novels into films, it can be a detriment. This movie tried packing in every major aspect and so many minor ones that it forgot to tell a cohesive story or do deep dives on pretty much any secondary character or singular element of the book.
In this sense, watching the movie felt more like thumbing through a set of vacation photos: "Remember the cafeteria leaderboard? Remember Graff's layered relationship with Ender? Remember that weird game he played on his tablet? Remember when he met/showed up/interacted with this or that character?"
So 5 stars go to really staying true to the source for fans. -5 for ignoring folks whose only knowledge of this sci-fi mainstay comes from watching this movie.
No Sudden Move (2021)
Convoluted and Disorganized
The best way to describe this movie would be walking into a very plain room that has about 5 small paintings hung up, all uncoordinated and placed in a fashion where the space between them makes no sense.
In the first 75 minutes, there's mostly no soundtrack and the action and dialogue are sparse with no additional visual substance to counteract. It's boring instead of tense and the characters have a blandness that never gets fleshed out as the viewer would otherwise expect.
The 2nd act turns this low-level crime drama into a confused mafia movie while attempting to paint a big picture scenario behind it. The confused realization that this is all a somewhat true story about politics, race, pollution, and the catalytic converter kills any hope the viewer has of getting more depth in any singular element; additional depth on that larger story never arrives either.
As the story continues, more and more soundtrack elements are added which comes across as inconsistent instead of purposeful. A sudden deluge of bait and switch moments add to this confusion as characters provide a seemingly endless chain of confusing backstabs that all add up to nothing whatsoever.
This movie ends with a text slate describing the meta-story instead of that story happily existing in the background providing cinematic depth behind what could've been a more cohesive primary experience.
Matt Damon's speech (this fact is unto itself a spoiler for some reason) was a centerpiece for the final barrage of twists and turns. To synopsize: "the world owns you poors and I'm the world and I get what I want." As a truth every single viewer already carries into the the experience, this speech comes with a collective shrug accompanied by a languished, "AND?"
On the whole, it's a mess that attempts to start with "No Country for Old Men," bleeds into a confused "Goodfellas," then ends with a really bizarre variant of "Oceans 11."
The 3 stars comes from the names associated with the thing and a few of the performances (I love me some Bill Duke). The -7 comes from a poorly executed premise and multiple swings and misses coming from the writing, directing, soundtrack, and editing.
Army of Thieves (2021)
If I'd rolled my eyes any harder I'd be blind
There are some movies out there that manage to be cleverly self-aware. And then there's this one.
I think somebody read the script and realized that it added so little to the heist genre that they tossed in a few throw-away lines that suggested it was all on purpose and a bit of a joke. That would have added nothing new regardless but it was such an aside that the viewer never really gets the impression that the movie was meant to be an over-the-top nod to the heist films that preceded it.
And here comes my extensive rant on the subject of the endlessly repetitive safe-cracking scenes:
Can I ask anybody who writes these movies to actually maybe watch YouTube one goddamned time in their lives? For two reasons: first, there's zero chance that Sebastian would have literally 0 views of his scores of videos on the subject of expert-level safe-cracking. Period.
The second reason is that if any writer of a safe-cracking scene (let alone a half-dozen of them) had gone to YouTube they maybe could have seen even the most basic safe-cracking video themselves and figured out that hacking safes can't be accomplished by putting your ear by the dial over and over and over again. There are FAR more interesting safe-cracking methods out there... hordes of 'em that are both realistic and so much more engaging. Just go to lockpickinglawyer's channel for 20 minutes. That's all. Please.
How freakin' difficult is it to give me ANY variety in these safe-cracking scenes given that the main character's ONLY job is to open increasingly difficult safes... none of which seems any more complex than the previous. Oh, this one has more dials than the last one! Better crack my knuckles and then listen for clicking apparently so loud that you can hear it over bumps in the road and Wagner blaring in the background.
And last rant, I promise: wtf was that safe-cracking competition about? Really? First, why is it a secretive competition? There was literally nothing illegal happening except for some casual wagers. These kinds of hacking competitions happen ALL THE TIME and in BROAD DAYLIGHT! There's an annual hacking convention in Vegas for crying out loud that features this kind of thing. Also, there wasn't any prize involved except for, apparently, a trophy?
And the event was extremely well-organized. They rolled out several massive safes in a 3-round elimination tournament that lasted all of 20 minutes. (How light are those safes, btw, that a couple people with handcarts could roll those things in?)
I'm really hoping that there was an opening band or something because what a rip-off if that's the primary entertainment. Inside each safe was a gun that comically had a "bang" flag pop out when fired. And EVERY safe was cracked open in the EXACT same manner: listening for clicks as you turn a dial. I kept waiting for the moment when one of the guns was real and made something exciting happen but nope. And Chekov turns a bit in his grave.
Sebastian rolls in late but somehow was fully expected to be there for the first round (seems like the wagering aspect just gets tossed out the window with such happenings) after he struggles to follow the very simple instructions of going to a specific location and saying a password. Finally, the runner-up of the event was the comically cocky "favorite" safe-cracker. The smug temporary villain never made another appearance in the film and none of the attendees was ever set up to be a rival or anything outside of a set-piece for Sebastian to showcase that he can crack safes under pressure.
OK, I'll stop. But yikes.
Yikes.
Army of the Dead (2021)
You already seen this movie
There's exactly one aspect of this movie that are fresh. Every zombie movie trope and several ungratifying heist movie tropes spread out among, I think, 17 hours of repetitious nonsense surrounding a series of action movie tropes.
Most of the reviews talk about the movie's agonizing length which is spot on.
I'd say the one original aspect involves the core premise which is breaking into a hotel/casino safe which is inside a contained zombie outbreak zone. Outside of that, none of the "twists" are all that surprising and the few meta-style insights the characters have are droll at best.
It's always fun to see Zombie guts splashing around but there are far more well-conceived films out there that accomplish that feat. Some oddly gratuitous nudity and sex in the beginning feel like they're just designed to give a hook to Snyder's eternal core audience: the teenage male.
+4 stars because of its amazing production value, reasonable acting, and nice photography/effects. -6 due to everything else.