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My Bloody Banjo (2015)
Sickening Filth!
Disgusting! Offensive! Subversive! Obscene!
And that's just the trailer reel at the beginning of the blu ray!
Director Liam Regan's debut feature fares no better, with scenes of depravity thrown around indiscriminately, leaving the viewer's face covered in a gloopy wet mess. If you're a bit squeamish about genital mutilation, sperm gags and gallons of blood, then this is probably not for you. However, if like me, you consider Troma to be entertainment in it's purest form and hold films like Terror Firmer in the highest esteem, then you will find that My Bloody Banjo is perfectly decent!
Recommended.
Pacific Rim (2013)
A Triumph!
For almost two years since I first heard whisper of Pacific Rim, I've been excited on a level I don't recall being excited about since I first heard about Independence Day. As the gradual feed of new footage, posters and trailers began to be unravelled at the beginning of this year, I was buzzing like a fly trapped inside a jar until finally the IMAX experience was upon me last night.
I could sum my thoughts up in just three words - holy, f**king and s**t - but I need to put it in more articulate words that that.
Sometimes though, what you want to express is difficult when existing words don't quite measure up. So invented a new word which is actually a portmanteau of several words.
GARGANTEPITASTIC!
Yes. The scale of the monsters and fighting machines is GARGANTUAN! The concept and theme of the film is truly EPIC! And the whole thing is put together with such skill by Guillermo del Toro that the end product is nothing short of FANTASTIC!
Really, I think this may be the most enjoyable film I've seen at the cinema since Independence Day, maybe even ever? It's brilliant, and totally matched my expectations, and in the case of the actors, even exceeded them.
When faced with the prospect of a film about giant robots versus giant monsters, it's difficult to look past giant robots and giant monsters, but spare a thought for the comparatively ant-sized humans of the piece. Unlike the classic TOHO movies where the people are generally just there to run away and point and look up, the people of Pacific Rim are integral to the story and play a major part. Charlie Hunnam is ruggedly heroic as the Jaeger (giant robot) pilot coaxed back from retirement by Idris Elba, almost presidential in his role of authoritarian, who himself channels Independence Day's Bill Pullman speech to rapturous approval.
The first ten minutes is enough to sink it's hooks in, and by the time the Jaeger's take on the Kaiju (giant monsters) full force, it's delirious eye candy light years ahead of most action scifi blockbusters, with possibly only the likes of James Cameron or Peter Jackson coming close to being capable of realising on- screen what del Toro does here.
This is a thoughtful, loud, spectacular, engaging and incredibly impressive example of where a quintessential summer blockbuster ticks every single box. Then draws some more boxes and ticks them as well. As soon as the end credits rolled I immediately wanted to see it again, and I honestly can't remember the last time that happened.
I can't recommend Pacific Rim enough, and if there was a way to add an extra star to this rating then I would.
The Divide (2011)
Sleeper Hit Of The Year?
OK maybe not a hit, but definitely a film that grabbed my attention after ten seconds and held me in a vice like grip of tension and horror for two hours.
First off, I recommend watching this film blind, as I did. I knew vaguely what it was about, but nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
This is a film I had heard about at the back end of 2011, when the story was that Michael Biehn - star of The Terminator, Aliens and The Abyss, and one-time shoe-in for the Peter Parker role until Toby Maguire steamed in and made a rom-com trilogy out of Spider-Man - was about to emerge back in the spotlight. Biehn has long been one of my favourite actors, and I had been anticipating this film for some months, when I got hold of a DVD copy the other day and thought, "well this slipped under the radar... no cinema release, no hype for six months and it just appears on DVD".
So I watched it.
When it had finished I realised how tense I had felt throughout the whole two hours, it was one of the most gripping and horrifying films I've ever seen, and one of the best I had seen for some years. I have been thinking about the film daily since I saw it last week, and I keep reliving the events in my mind over and over. It's really affected me a lot.
Now I am one of those people who generally doesn't read reviews for films I have not yet seen, and I tend to read reviews after the fact to see what others thought, which is why I was so shocked to read so much negativity towards this beautiful/ugly vision of hell. I think the mistake a lot of people make - especially professional critics - is that they read reviews or hear a lot of information and hype beforehand and go into a film having preconceptions, and if the film does not match those preconceptions, then it registers as misguided disappointment.
So after reading so much bad press about this frankly Oscar-worthy film, I vow never to read a review before a movie ever again, and I am going to try really hard not to read any previews or too much hype about any film I intend to watch one day.
You will notice that I have not mentioned anything about the story or the characters or anything really about the film itself, because I want you to see the film almost as I did, albeit having foreknowledge about how it affected me.
Black Dahlia (2006)
Gorenography?
That's all this film is - Gorenography.
My mate brought it up tonight and goes "Man, you gotta see this. It's not the DePalma, but it's a super-gory sick flick". Well, ten minutes in and I thought, "This is terrible...". Twenty minutes in and I thought, "Have I fallen into a worm-hole? This is the same film..." Thirty minutes in and I actually said, "I am enjoying this about as much as I would enjoy watching a close relative die of cancer."
By the 45 minute mark I had had enough. The quality of film-making here was actually worse than many porn movies I have seen, and I'm not a big porn fan. In fact the movie had the exact same structure as a run-of-the-mill skin flick. Girl goes to audition - girl gets murdered - cops have banter at crime scene - dumb arty surreal scene - girl goes to audition - girl gets murdered...
And so it continues. For eighty minutes.
I felt so used after watching this filth that I felt the need to research it on the net, just to see what other people's opinions were about it. Don't get me wrong - I'm a seasoned gorehound, but this was just insulting. I now have a much bleaker view of the movie industry having seen it. It was guerrilla film-making at it's most abysmal level. If Ulli says he had ANY kind of filming permit for this, he is clearly lying.
Avoid at ALL costs, and I feel for those who are unfortunate enough to have had the displeasure.