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Reviews
Brightburn (2019)
Entertaining enough
I enjoyed this film on the whole. It is incredibly gory and very hard to watch because of this. The super villain thing has been done to death and this doesn't really do much to help that. So that is my main complaint, that the superhero special powers are invading horror and I'm bored of that concept. The characters are pretty dull and forgettable so focussing on them for most of the film seems like a waste of time. What you really want is the chaos that they promise but this never materialises. When there is limited chaos this film is at its most entertaining. Hopefully if they do make a sequel they can fulfil the chaos and make good on this overly long setup.
Kaijû daisensô (1965)
Silly great
This is full of so many silly moments but also some great moments. It has the best city smashing scene so far. The alien nonsense is so silly and that makes it so fun. There are no new monsters involved and there are only really two scenes where these giant monsters appear but the big battle that destroys the city and the goofy aliens more than makes up for any issues. So again I find myself watching another entertaining but flawed kaiju movie with not a lot to say about it and still having to write enough to meet the minimum number of characters on IMDb, another few words and there will be enough.
Time Trap (2017)
Time Cave
There is something engaging about this when it probably shouldn't be engaging. It has a certain charm and good pace, overall anyway, that holds your attention. The negatives are pretty plain to see, from annoying characters, below average acting, stereotypical and unimaginative characters. Actually I'd compare the acting to a soap opera style of repeating lines with contorted faces so this can be blamed on bad casting. I didn't like the cinematography. What I did like was the story, pace and direction, this is what made this engaging. There are some plot holes and logic gaps but nothing you can't justify with a stretch of the imagination. Except maybe that only a handful of people have ever been to the site in the history of man and have trapped there which seems unbelievable. The title probably should have been Time Cave. Anyway I'm digressing, the fight choreography and cinematography is pretty bad, the exciting moments are actually a bit stale which is a shame. The cave men with underpants and perfect teeth are distracting. The pacing fails in the second half but picked up again at the end. Overall perfectly watchable but nothing special.
San Daikaijû Chikyû Saidai no Kessen (1964)
Enjoyable expansion
For the first melee kaiju film there really isn't enough melee in it. Also the ending is a bit disappointing. There is not enough city smashing. The story is pretty crazy and engaging but there simply isn't enough giant monster action. Ghidorah is my favourite so I certainly enjoyed the movie and the expansion of the universe to include aliens is appreciated. There were some really funny and goofy moments and it is enjoyable enough but probably slightly, very slightly, less entertaining than King Kong vs. Godzilla (1962) but it's fairly close. The evolution of the franchise is interesting but slow.
Freaks (2018)
Unique but flawed
The setup is very slow but when it gets into the main story it's much more compelling. There are still moments even in the best parts of the film where the pacing is uneven. The acting is really great, especially the main girl, played by Lexy Kolker. The film has a lot of charm and is probably more memorable than it should be. Some of the special effects are pretty cheesy like a bad Marvel film. The whole super villain/hero concept has nothing new but this does try to tell a different story with it. I'm a bit torn on this film and the ending really amplifies that feeling of being unsure whether I like it or not. The ending is satisfying and disappointing at the same time. So even though it is not perfect it is charming, unique and interesting and will remain in my mind longer than it probably deserves. It's not a bad film as it does have some great ideas but it is just too inconsistent to recommend overall.
Mosura tai Gojira (1964)
Dated
Building on the standalone Mothra (1961) movie and bringing it into the Godzilla universe makes for a very entertaining movie. It borrows from the King Kong (1933) story but adds little fairies and really cements Mothra as one of my favourite Kaiju. The effects are so cheesy and look really dated but this is part of the fun. Even the tiny fairies are fun. The story is pretty unimaginative but rumbles along without getting boring. The monster fight is very fun. In my marathon session of watching every Godzilla movie I don't always have a lot to write but still have to meet the IMDb 600 character limit.
Case 39 (2009)
Below average
This starts with a dull and unengaging setup. Then it becomes a pretty slow and typical evil child film. It's not bad as such, just pretty dull. When the girl starts showing signs of evil it gets much more interesting but this is like half-way through the movie. One of the most off-putting parts is the casting of the adults. Renée Zellweger and Bradley Cooper don't seem right for their roles at all and were probably only cast because their attachment will bring viewers. The evil girl though is very good in the film and almost certainly is the only reason to watch this movie. Jodelle Ferland really did carry the movie. Overall it does the horror badly and the psychological thriller aspect badly. It's not a bad film, it's just below average. The special effects were weaker than they should have been even for the time it was made.
Kingu Kongu tai Gojira (1962)
Best so far
This is the best so far. It is pretty darn crazy. It is wildly different to the first two films and is far more watchable because of this. The moments without kaiju are far more entertaining and engaging because it is so crazy and unexpected. There are goofy characters and fast paced silly decisions. It's significantly more entertaining and looks much better but it's not great, the craziness makes it more entertaining but doesn't make it good. So much as it's an improvement, it is different. Giant monsters fighting and destroying stuff never gets tired. So far it's the best but there is better to come.
Army of the Dead (2021)
Hard to invest in the characters
It's hard to pinpoint why this isn't a better film. It has all the elements, well paced, beautifully made, exciting, gory and some original elements but it all comes together to fall very short of Dawn of the Dead (2004) and the original Romero trilogy. It even falls short of Land of the Dead (2005) which it actually feels quite similar to. Thankfully it is vastly better than the latter Romero of the dead films. So it starts with a really good opening scene, beautiful and engaging, so beautiful. The ending is also excellent. The production quality is incredibly high with great music, cinematography, effects and sound design. So what is wrong with this film? For me the biggest issue was the lead character and the casting choice. I get that he had to be big for the story but he's the character and the way he's played is so uncharismatic and unengaging that you're not invested in their plight, the lead character should do the opposite. None of the characters are nice people so I didn't find myself engaged in their survival. Sometimes the film is a little boring and I think that's because it is a bit pretentious like the director didn't want to make another zombie film. I appreciate how they tried to expand zombie lore but ultimately I didn't like the expansion, it should be about the people and not the zombies evolving. Overall it's hard to say exactly why I didn't like this more, it has some great elements and ideas but it falls flatter than it should because it doesn't have a soul.
Mosura (1961)
Joyous moments
There are joyous moments to be had and the non-monster moments are probably better than Godzilla (1954) but it still feels really slow at times. It's easily the best city smashing so far but without another monster to fight it does feel lacking. So it's entertaining but it's also pretty slow. The old-fashioned special effects are always fun to watch. So whilst it is the best so far I am confident kaiju movies are going to get better. So I am reviewing a lot of kaiju movies at the moment so it's hard to have a lot to say about all of them so I am keeping this review nice and short with some padding.
Nightwatch (1997)
Modern noir
This film had lots of close-ups shots which I liked, which made it feel more intimate. Lovely camera movement and fantastic locations. It had a slight 'modern' noir look which was really nice. It has excellent sound design throughout. Almost nothing to even slightly complain about from the audio department. The story started so scary and horrible but slowly became an interesting murder mystery. The killer was revealed a little too early and this made the ending less exciting than it should be. I wish that there was more supernatural horror. Still enjoyable enough noir crime thriller with flaws.
The Bridge Curse: Ritual (2023)
A lot of filler
I didn't realise that this was a sequel until I got to the end credits. I don't think I missed much in the first film and I don't think anyone will miss anything if you don't see this one. It really is a generic demon ghost zombie terrorising teeangers with an unimaginative story, unoriginal production design, forgettable music and sound design and worst of all a really unengaging cast. The acting is perfectly adequate but the characters are not interesting. The best bit about the film are the 'games' but there are only like 2 of these and a lot of filler. It's really not worth watching and not even good enough at being bad.
Gojira no gyakushû (1955)
Okay
Not quite as good as the first movie, it is basically more of the same with some anomalies introduced that make it very slightly worse. There feels like there is even more padding between the giant monster attacks and the padding is even less interesting than the first film. When Godzilla is smashing or fighting you still smile but with the caveat that some of the footage is sped-up to look goofy rather than slowed down to look more epic. There wasn't enough giant monster action to make it anything special. I suppose to its credit, it does pave the way for monster on monster fighting action rather than just giant monster smashing city the first one was. There are some funny moments.
The Evil Fairy Queen (2024)
Excellent family fantasy
This is a very enjoyable (mostly) family friendly horror film. The horror is mild enough for most children to watch whilst giving everyone some fun little scares. It treats children like adults with interesting themes found in real life. The characters are really strong, realistic and engaging. They feel like real people unlike most fantasy films. The music is really beautiful, the butterfly scene is a particular highlight where the emotions of the film meet with the music to build a perfect cinematic moment. Visually it looks great, nice and vibrant but not off-putting. It is cinematic and has a simple style so it's not distracting or impressive. I feel for a fantasy movie it could have had more fantastical elements like massive fantasy worlds and creatures. The last 30 minutes are very exciting, the first hour could have been a bit better paced but I don't think most people would notice. Overall it's an excellent and entertaining fantasy film grounded with relatable characters.
Gojira (1954)
Dated pretty badly
This is a very old film and made in a very different time. It has a very slow start, the human story isn't even remotely interesting or compelling. The characters are so badly written and uninteresting that it did make some points of the film tedious to watch. But that is not why we are watching, it's because of Godzilla and when Godzilla is doing his cheesy glorious thing you cannot help but smile at how fun it is. This is where this movie is compelling, someone in a rubber suit stomping on a model of Tokyo. I feel I need to offer a bit of context, this is not the first giant monster movie but it probably is the first kaiju movie. The Lost World (1925) and King Kong (1933) are probable sources of inspiration with Them! (1954) also coming the same year as Godzilla. It probably is the first movie that uses a person in a rubber suit rather than stop-motion or an animatronic. The music is catchy. Even though it's dated pretty badly it is still iconic.
The School for Good and Evil (2022)
Sits in the middle
This isn't good and it isn't bad. It sits right in the middle and is perfectly watchable but nothing more. The special effects are excellent, consistently impressive except for the bit where they are flying near the start. People flying in movies never looks real except Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000). Some of the film looks like a virtual production but most of it looks real. The pacing is very good at the start but does slow down a little as it goes on although never to the point of stopping watching. Most of the characters are pretty unlikeable, especially outside the main duo. The concept felt very unoriginal, taking almost everything from Harry Potter. The production design too felt unoriginal with some excellent but also generic special effects. The acting is excellent. The main duo look 10 years too old to be going to school, in fact all of the cast look too old to be students. Early on in the film the good students exhibit more evil traits than the evil but I guess that's the point of the story. Much as I liked the spectacle and the fighting it is let down by stereotypical stereotypes of derivative caricatures. The story and characters are so unoriginal and some of the key motivating decisions by the main characters make no sense. Overall perfectly watchable and nothing more.
Indigo (2023)
Pretty awful
For quite a basic horror story this is an incredibly long and repetitive film. So much time passes with nothing happening. They used considerable amounts of slow motion for no real reason except maybe melodrama which makes the film feel even longer than it really is. The production design, cinematography, editing, sound design, the scares are generic and forgettable but just about adequate. The acting is either average or below average, the majority of the time they are saying their lines whilst looking serious. Because of this the characters are rarely interesting or engaging. The biggest issues is just how repetitive the film is, they do something quite a few times in a row, "go help my mum" "go help my son" "there's a ghost but I don't believe it" "oh look there's a ghost but I don't believe it" rinse and repeat for 2 hours which honestly feels like 3 hours.
Maniac (1980)
Okay slasher
There is plenty of violence in this serial killer flick. There are also two very good shock sequences. The ending is a bit odd but very good for it. The only problem is that you don't feel much empathy for the victims as the film focuses on the serial killer too much. Still this is a highly entertaining scary film and has aged surprisingly well. Sorry for the short review that I am now going to pad it out because IMDb requires quite a long review, you can stop reading as this will just be waffle with some earlier points re-iterated. Like it's a slasher and serial killer and quite entertaining.
Haunt (2019)
A whole lot of nothing
This reminded me a lot of Dark Ride (2006) in many ways. It is bad, silly, pointless, boring, badly acted, badly directed, lacking anything memorable, entertaining or engaging. It is the definition of 'nothing'. In fact, the only way to describe this film is 'nothing'. It's a nothing film through-and-through. It lacks anything engaging at all. It is totally forgettable. There is no point watching this. I'm giving it an extra star as there is a film and it's not badly made. It's just absolutely nothing. Don't waste your time unless you really don't value you time, don't even read this sentence!
Deliria (1987)
Never ends
Moron school of directing lesson one: watch this film. I have just seen too many horrors with silent killers. The only acceptable ones are Halloween (1978) and Friday the 13th (1980). This is nothing compared to either. There are one or two good bits of violence but nothing compared to an average zombie or slasher film. The last twenty minutes picks up a bit but this suffers from the ending that never ends syndrome. By that I mean more and more false endings tacked on when they really should have finished this with a bang. Even at the actual end you are left with no closure which makes this movie so much worse. Some movies can get away with it when done well, leaving some doubt but StageFright just ends with frustration and lack of closure. Definitely not worth watching at all. Save your time for a better film, or the pub.
Annihilation (2018)
Beautiful boredom
This is rather beautiful boredom. The core story, production design and the cinematography are excellent. The film is so slow that even at 1.25x it is so slow and so boring that it is more pretentious than entertaining. It is very well acted but their characters are a bit forgettable although nothing too much to complain about. Sometimes, even before the main story kicks off, the film looked fake. As in, actual physical things like houses and rooms looked like they were CGI when there really was no reason for it. When the story really kicks off it doesn't matter at all that it looks CGI and fantastical. There are some really beautiful moments but not enough to get over how slow it is. Some moments go on so long, so very very long with nothing happening. The visual effects are great and so is the music. Sadly overall because it is so arduously slow it should be compared to Contact (1997) and not Dredd (2012).
Underworld: Blood Wars (2016)
Devoid of personality
I'm going to warn you that this is a subjective review, I'm just not interested in the world they built in the previous films and will be reviewing it accordingly. I found all of the characters really uninteresting and they are all the same, moody and humourless devoid of personality. The action and fighting has no danger or style or time to breathe which makes it boring to watch. Every conflict is quickly resolved without any real reason or impact. I'm actually going to single out the music as generic and often out of place making an already creatively bankrupt film somehow worse. I know there is a market for this kind of film but I can't help but think how much of a waste of money it is when they could have told an original story with the same amount of mindless action. I didn't like the sound design. The editing though I actually liked, they made the best of a bad film. Most of the film looks like they made it entirely in a studio but at least the special effects are good. When everyone double crosses everyone else it is not interesting or shocking, it's just bad melodrama. The final fight is actually okay but not worth watching the rest of the film for.
Talk to Me (2022)
Unappealing in every sense
Why is the BFI (British Film Institute) and the UK National Lottery funding an Australian film? That makes no sense to me. Anyway it starts with a very pretentious long shot. Then it moves onto cliches and nonsense with so many eye-rolling moments within the first few minutes making the prospect of watching the rest of the film so unappealing. It has horrible characters. It's probably one of the most obnoxious and unappealing films I've ever seen, it really has very little redeeming about it. I don't mind horrible characters if they are entertaining and then get killed off painfully, this doesn't happen. I accept there is some good sound design and the acting is not horrible but it's still a terrible film. Generic forgettable title. Better production quality than Wreck (2020) but somehow a worse film. It is possibly the worst actual film that had a decent budget and some effort put into it. There are worse films but they didn't have the resources that this film had.
Sorority House Massacre (1986)
Bad script
This was a pretty poor eighties slasher movie. It was very obviously a copy of Halloween (1978) but done really badly. Very little happened in the movie. It was so horrifically unoriginal. Nothing stood out about the mess except for the really poor filmmaking. Badly scripted, unimaginatively directed and overall simply really dull. It gets an extra point for containing some great nudity. I miss eighties nudity. I suppose there is some charm in watching something so unoriginal and derivative, it is like a blanket - cosy, warm, familiar but also essentially forgotten immediately. It's not worth watching.
Emelie (2015)
Engaging enough
I'll say that this is a psychological thriller and not a horror and that is fine, just need to know. I enjoyed it and thought it was good but I won't be watching it again except maybe in 20 years when I've forgotten that I've even seen this one. Production quality is excellent, film looks drab but it matches the tone. It is very well paced and always interesting. The acting is excellent and the characters are engaging. It's well written and directed. It reminded me of Requiem for a Dream (2000) but less personally destructive and a bit of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (1992) but actually probably better. The only thing I really hated was the ending. There is no conclusion, very disappointing. A bit like The Strangers (2008) I suppose.