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Mr. Id (2003)
*Jack Vomits*
This movie is about a drunk, unsuccessful writer killing published genre writers who have "sold out." That, and the angelic power of pure, untouched bush.
This has the most realistic hooker dialogue I've ever seen in a movie. I wonder how the writer of the movie knew how to write them so accurately?
Do yourself a favor and play a drinking game with this movie; every time Jack vomits, you should take a drink.
The music and editing are terrible, but the dialogue has some real highlights. It could also probably be about 10-20 minutes shorter.
Other than Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Ami Dolenz has done no greater acting work.
Skyline (2010)
Hotel. Blue Lights. Arguing.
I do not take this on lightly. I wouldn't say this lightly. Here goes: this was the worst movie I've ever seen. Now, I've seen movies that were perhaps more ridiculously bad, but at least that kind of failure is often entertaining. This isn't even funny bad. Just bad.
If you like tons of bad character development, the opening twenty minutes is for you. If you like blue lights and bickering, the rest of the movie is definitely for you. I don't know how else to say it. NOTHING HAPPENS. Even the end, where finally something occurs, is cut off and contrived. At most, the end of this film should have been the end of Act I. Instead, the writers passed it off as an entire movie.
And speaking of the writers, these guys must be out of their minds arrogant. The characters are depicted "living the large life"-- girls, cars, and style-- even though they are just CG artists. Why is that arrogant you ask? Oh, maybe because the writers of the film are all CG artists. And if this movie is any judge, they should stick to that.
I like aliens. I like explosions. Heck, sometimes I even like blue lights and bad movies. But this was a 90 minute CG artist circle jerk of boredom. Stay away.
How Do You Know (2010)
How do you know what the story is?
I've watched thousands of movies, and hundreds of romantic comedies. Not once have I ever watched a film that went so far over my head. Five, ten, thirty, and ninety minutes into this film, I was still wondering what the heck the writer was doing. Ultimately, upon reflection, it is clear that the film was rewritten numerous times and spliced together.
Jack Nicholson, the father of Paul Rudd's character, shouldn't be in this film. He distracts from the love story, which, spoiler alert, is what the movie wants to be about. And yet, the action is opened with Paul Rudd getting indicted and Witherspoon being kicked off her softball team. Perhaps it could be dismissed as clumsy character intros if not for the fact that we are left guessing as to whether or not Rudd did anything wrong, whether or not he's going to jail, and who exactly did do the crime. In addition, Rudd has a friend who he has an incredible amount of weird chemistry with who turns out to be pregnant with another man's child. Still, she follows Rudd around like a lost puppy, confusing the viewer into believing she is into him, if for no other reason than that he has way more chemistry with her than he does with Witherspoon.
My biggest complaint by far, however, is how fractured and spastic every character is. Rudd is, in turns, the mopey everyman, the suave businessman, the clumsy spaz, the coward, the jerk, and the lovesick loser. The only consistent characters are Witherspoon and Wilson, who play adorably stupid people who truly deserve one another.
Do yourself a favor. If you are thinking about watching "How do you Know", just drown yourself in a bucket of warm urine. It's an alarmingly similar experience. Warm and familiar, yet terrifying and disgusting.