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The Batman (2022)
New supervillain, "MovieMumbler" Rules OK
This was a waste of 6 hours of my life. Yess, I watched this crap twice before expressing my total disappointment with this unentertaining waste of time. Does anyone else want American superhero movies to be supplied with subtitles? I'm old enough to remember the early movie stars who succeeded in "talkies" because their diction was trained to be recorded on film, as opposed to theatrical actors who succeeded in their stage profession because they could project to the cheap seats, but were a complete disaster in the talkies. Then we spent years in the seventies to nineties getting used to the "mumblers" like Brando and Bob de Nero and, after an adjustment to our interpretation and learning to lip read, we grew to love them. But now actors (or is it the lack of due diligence by sound engineers?) have reached new depths of sounding out their lines in this awful movie ... and I can barely make out 10% of the dialogue, even after 2 viewings and multiple rewinds, I think that what Kravitz added to the dialogue was zero, I'd rather she was deaf and dumb and resorted to American sign (and I don't even know sign language at all) or give us some sub titles to follow so we can understand what the hell's going on.
Otherwise, the cinematography palette, monochrome with a shade of red, was fine and really set the mood of the 1930s/1940s comics.
The lack of intro was probably fine for superhero comic readers that were able to accept that this was a new Batman but delivered as a continuation of a familiarity of a figure that hadn't existed in comic (or ever had on silver screen) for 70 years except appreciated by a few hundred historic comic book collectors. I thought this reversion to the original dark concept could've been more successful if explained by an introductory narration. What we were left with was basically a defensive block for the average viewer if the filmmaker intended this version of Batman to only appeal to the limited audience they aimed for.
Pattinson looked the part as far as stature on the screen was concerned but, as the wealthy son of a multi-millionaire, Wayne's diction should have been much clearer, I wish his voice coach had aimed for Ivy League rather than someone raised in the Gotham City Projects. As for Kravitz, her verbal contribution was pointless because I understood only a fraction of it. I did like the interaction between Batman and Lt Gordon and with Alfred (who was a seamless continuation of Caine's intonation, but should have been much more contrasted as this was supposed to be a complete departure from all previous Batman/Alfred renditions) and thought the introduction of at least one other servant into the sparse Wayne mansion maintenance regime
was at least fractionally more realistic than any previous manifestation of the dark warrior.
I also found disquieting that virtually all the secondary characters that were murdered were virtually indistinguishable and, as a viewer, I cared little whether any of them lived or died, which clearly detracted from my emotional involvement in the film, only Alfred's injury was of any concern and that amounted to very little.
The Batman and Catwoman themselves came across as rather characterless characters that I hated more as the film progressed rather than aided developing any positive feeling for.
I really cannot recommend seeing this film at all, not only was it disappointing, it was definitively awful full stop, the definitive rubbish movie after such expectations were so comprehensively trashed.
Hopefully, some future studio executive, who has any feeling for cinematic engagement and entertainment values, can take whatever film and soundtrack remains intact in backups and not swept up and destroyed on the cutting room floor, and recut this film to salvage maybe a decent 90-minute movie from this utter mess.
Last Train to Christmas (2021)
It's a wonderful idea until the stupid ending
Tony Towers is a successful night club owner in Nottingham by the time he is 45, at Christmas 1985. He is about to open 6 new night clubs. But the night life as a showman and impresario has taken its toll; he has lost his first wife through his lifestyle and is totally estranged from his son. Now his second wife-to-be, nervous returning with him to meet his family at Christmas, knowing that they may regard her as far too young for him and a gold digger. Tony's younger sensible businessman brother Roger, once his partner, advises Tony that he is making a mistake expanding too fast. Full of the life of the party, Tony wants to buy champagne for all the passengers in his carriage and moves forward towards the buffet car.
Then, the Christmas fantasy of Christmas Carol, It's a Wonderful Life, and Groundhog Day, kicks in. When he moves towards the front of the train, time for him advances 10 years into the future to 1995 and he finds out that life has not turned out as he'd hoped. In 1995 he's lost all his clubs and his second wife and is now a drunken bum. Throughout the carriages, a theme which keeps popping up is a one off single 45 of a song the pair sing in a record booth for the price of a single record, the sleeve hand-written with cartoon images of Tony and Roger, the two Towers brothers.
When he he returns to the 1985 he realises that he has seen the future and can change that ruined future by including his brother in his plans and toning down his own lifestyle. Going forward to 1995 again, the future is even bleaker, although Tony changes his own life, his brother Roger inherits the lifestyle Tony has avoided. Going back down the train, he goes back and forth between 70s and 90s, to the 60s and 50s he finds the changes he makes each in hopes of improving his and Roger's outcomes, but it all becomes more and more of a disaster, more for his brother Roger than for him, but now he is concerned more for Roger than himself. He is bewildered and has no memories between the decades, at one point he has a second child, a young daughter in her 20s and in what must be 2015 he also has a grandson in his late teens.
****SPOILERS******
He goes back as far as he can go, the 1940s, and discovers what he has suspected, that his brother is actually his cousin a wartime pregnancy for a very young girl, so he decides to jump from the train and stop his aunt giving up her son, and hopes this will change the self-destruction of Roger. It works, the aunt accepts that she can cope with being a single parent with her sister's support. Tony hurts his leg in the fall and a WWII soldier puts him back on the old steam train.
Tony stands up, at it is the "present day", presumably 2020 (or 2025, as the sequences have been in decades), so now he is an old man in his 70s/80s. He walks with a limp, he's alone on the train, with the 45rpm self-made single now has only Tony on it (and we know he can't sing or play an instrument) and Roger would bear Tony's mother's surname and wouldn't be a Tower. He has a single faded polaroid photo of his (late?) wife in his wallet. He gets off the train as it arrives in Nottingham, the terminus of this "Last Train", where it is the present day, i.e, somewhen in the 2020s, but definitely not 1985 when the train journey started. All the relatives meeting the passengers on the platform depart, leaving Tony as the only one left, last off the train and alone on the platform, no luggage, no Christmas gifts, no-one to welcome him home and he's clearly not expecting to be met. Then, we see a piano left on the platform (do provincial stations even have them?) and a single hand plays a short melodic refrain on the top notes of the keyboard. Tony turns and smiles, presumably at his brother (the hand has a ring on one finger but cannot recall if the brother (or grandson) had a ring) and that is the end of the movie.
What?!
What happened to the happy ending? What happened to those 40 years between 1985 when the train set off and now? Did Tony get on the train in the 2020s, fall asleep and dream of what his life might have been like in 1985? Clearly, his life between 1945 and 1985, when he started this journey, must have turned out completely differently having jumped off the train, but did he re-experience those new years? By the way he limped to an empty seat and examined the record and his wallet and found the photo, it is clear that his life from 1945 to now was different, and that the 1985 train ride could never have happened.
So I am completely confused, if none of that 80 years happened, what was the point of the film? What was the lesson he learned in the last 35/40 years? Does he even recall what happened in the last 80 years? Is family meeting him? Or is he just going home to his lonely room in the old folks' home after a day out on his own?
The acting by Mr Sheen was sublime, the make-up and set dressing for the different decades was excellent, the concept of the film for 95% of it was intriguing. This could have been a brilliant film, if I could understand that in comprehensive ending. But with the other 3 classics I mentioned, they all end up at the exact time they started, with lessons learned and everything now right with the world. This ending, jumping from a 1985 reality to the present day reality with a lot of fantasy in between was a disaster. Did I miss something? What were they thinking? The ending made the whole thing from 1945 to now completely unknown, did he have a happy life, did he have a family? What kind of life had he led and what was he left with in the present time? If it was Cousin Roger playing the ivories, who was rather tardy in collecting his semi-crippled cuz from the train, maybe his life was full and fulfilling and didn't flash almost unexperienced before his eyes in 90 minutes that Tony's life appeared to have done. 5/10 for effort, nil points for the stupid ending.
Run Hide Fight (2020)
Riveting
I cannot understand the reviews by the so-called professional critics, are they really as jaded and sick of movies that get it right as they sound. Me? I enjoyed this film all the way through, and the two main characters, Zoe and her Mom, were absolutely brilliant. The regular appearance of her dead Mom (and her Java breakfast pick-me-up) was actually both grounding and helped lighten the constant tension, rather than weird. Overall, very reminiscent of the first Die Hard film, even down to the experienced old school cop helping her on the outside, great performance by Treat Williams. OK, Zoe didn't pop all 4 of the perps, her Pop popped one, so Zoe needed both parents to get through this one. Nice touches, liking taking off her Dad's green jacket for her wounded boyfriend and then her Mom saying goodbye, demonstrated that she was prepared to get on with her life again. As she said so tellingly, no-one will remember the shooter, but they'll never forget her. Hell of a coming of age movie! Absolutely loved this film and will watch it again and again ... maybe they can put it on at Christmas time, we could do with a new favourite.
Upgrade (2018)
Disappointing end
Do not waste your time watching a single minute of this movie. I think the writer started with a great storyline, excellent main character who was trying to control what was happening to him and then the writer's brain fart kicked in and the denouement made the whole plot childish and pointless ... it was like Darth Vader dropped R2 into the crusher, did away with any possible Star Wars sequels; that Dumbo crashes and breaks his neck on his virgin flight; that Lex Luther encases Superman in kryptonite sunblock and trapped him in the Phantom Zone; that the Dalek's outpower-played Dr Who during time added; just as Wall-E was about to win the day, he was beaten to it by a weed-wacker; and finally Bambi makes venison broth. Do not waste your time watching the character development of main and secondary characters, because Stem could've simply have submitted himself to the computer hacker at the outset without worrying about Eron shutting him down, doing away with all the drama with the wife killers who, it turns out, had been following his orders all along. He could have dealt with Eron and enhanced ex-Military at any time he wanted once he had control of Grey's mind and body and bypassed the power of shutdown that Eron appears to be the only safeguard retained, even though he was otherwise in Stem's power. The plot has more holes than a Swiss cheese used for target practice. Anyway, if this was supposed to be in the very near future, say the next decade or two, why does everybody bear corrupted futuristic names that might have evolved over a couple of centuries, but not in people clearly born in the late 90s or first decade of the 2000s? The film was interesting until the numbskull ending when everybody dies and the machines won without leaving a glimmer of hope for humanity or a reason for this movie to ever lighten my screen again. I wondered what the director and writer were smoking at the time, well it wasn't good or even close. Not even Arnie and a posse of Sara Connors could salvage this one.