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Reviews
Epic Movie (2007)
Truly awful!
The guys who wrote/directed this (and the terrible Date Movie) should truly be ashamed of themselves for how terrible the movies they make are.
It's hard to believe this crap gets funding really, and I feel bad for Crispin Glover, he really is better than playing Willy Wonka in a spoof.
I can't even comment on anything that was decent about it, because there wasn't anything, the acting, dialogue, music direction, pacing all truly some of the worst I've ever seen.
I'd rather watch Manos Hands Of Fate.
Hopefully they will never make another movie.
The Departed (2006)
Average Scorsese.... Not a bad thing...
Well, I finally got round to watching the Departed. Pretty decent gangster flick, with some pretty bad accents!
I don't want to take anything away from this film, it's a really decent movie compared to most of the crap being released at the moment, but it is what it is, another Scorsese gangster film. It's hard to see why it won the Oscar for best picture really when Pans Labyrinth and Little Miss Sunshine were passed over for it, considering these two movies are absolute gems of film making, stunningly original and unlike anything else I'd seen before. The Departed, although very good, really is nothing new and doesn't really bring too much to the gangster film genre which is already filled with good examples by Scorsese, Mean streets, Casino etc. And if you have seen the Infernal affairs trilogy, it seems even more familiar, although not identical.
All in all this is a contender for ONE of the best movies of last year, but not THE best movie. Still worth a watch.
Date Movie (2006)
I feel embarrassed for all involved in the making of this film....
I don't even know where to start with this one. I honestly can't believe that this film gained financial backing from any studio, even Troma would have said this film was puerile infant like non-sense.
The premise of this film is basically that of My big fat Greek wedding, mixed with Meet the parents, with stops at all "Date" movies made from When Harry Met Sally all the way up to Hitch. I'm not at all offended in any way by constant fart jokes and jokes involving squeezing spots, but is it really necessary to make an entire movie out of these two subjects? I felt truly embarrassed to watch this film, and in the scene where the old lady is kissing a puppet of a cat, I couldn't help but think, she's probably someones grandmother, I hope she got payed well for this film.
Neither my Brother of I laughed even ONCE during this film, the thing is, if you like this kind of thing then the Scary movie films do it much better, or even just watch Meet The Parents, it's way better than any part of this film.
The plot is rubbish, the acting is okay, but they don't really have much to work with, and the scenes are not tied together in any sort of coherent fashion, they seem to have been thrown together with little to no attention payed to pacing or character development. I know this is a spoof movie, and I know you should definitely suspend belief before watching anything like this, but this film is an INSULT to cinema goers the world over. I really don't feel I am over stating myself at all there, neither am I being too harsh.
Give this film a seriously wide berth, the only positive I can offer up is that on the DVD there is a commentary track by two film critics who quite obviously thought as little of this movie as I did, and listening to them is in fact much funnier than the film itself.
I only wish there was a negative points out of ten option on this site, and that it went way over 10.
Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie (2004)
Top movie!!! (if you are a REALLY big fan of Anchorman)
I just saw this the other day and felt compelled to write a review! This movie is most certainly not one to watch if you haven't already seen Anchorman:The legend of Ron Burgundy, but if you have, and you loved it (I do!) then this is a truly welcome addition.
The story comprises of a sub plot intended for Anchorman that was dropped (presumeably because it wasn't that good) involving a terrorist organisation called "The Alarm Clock" hence the Wake up Ron Burgundy! title. The Alarm Clock are easily the worst terrorist group in the world having no political agenda, and not really knowing what they are doing, end up kidnapping Veronica Corningstone to use her to broadcast their as yet undecided political statement. So it's up to the rest of the intrepid news team to save her.
There are some truly hilarious bits in this film, one where Champ Kind is professing his undying love for Ron in the car but everyone pretends they can't hear him is very funny, and another where we learn that the seemingly stupid Brick Tamlind was in fact the leader of a group of soldiers in the Vietnam war with the other news team members is very funny.
All in all, it's one for the fan boys, not for the people who didn't like Anchorman, and it's only a bit of a laugh anyway, it was never a theatrical release.
9/10
Robot in the Family (1993)
Wow!
For a long time my brothers and I have had a competition to see who can find the worst movie ever based on, terrible acting, bad casting, rubbish effects, awful musical direction and cheesy pointless dialogue.
The competition is over. I found, A robot called Goldigger. Or, as it's called on IMDb A robot in the family.
This film sucks so bad, we had to watch it in 10 minute installments over the course of a week, as any more may have caused damage to our senses, it amazes me that Joe Pantoliano is in this movie! He went on to be in the Matrix of course, and perhaps even better, John Ryhs-Davies is in it too! A far cry from being the mighty Dwarf Gimli I'm sure.
The basic premise for this film is that a Dad builds a robot to look after the children as he is so busy with work (I'm not even sure what it was he did) but under no circumstances would you wish a child to be any where near the highly annoying "Goldigger" as he is named. The voice of the robot made my skin crawl for weeks, very creepy indeed, especially as it wasn't meant to be!
Anyway, there is some plot to do with an evil antique dealer player by John Ryhs-Davies, but I wouldn't want to spoil too much!
I am not ripping on this movie, I suggest everyone sees it, you'll appreciate everything else you ever see afterwards.
Now on with my search to find an even worse movie!
Big Money Hustlas (2000)
A pretty good laugh!
Now, this movie was made with a select few in mind. The Juggalos. If you don't know already, the Juggalos are the fans of the Insane clown Posse, when the ICP were on Island records they wanted to make a movie after seeing a really really low budget gangster flick on their tour bus, and so Big Money Hustlas was made.
Although this movie was made with a pretty select audience in mind, there are a lot of laughs to be had even if you aren't "down with the clown", I watched it with a couple non-Juggalos and they loved it! The budget for this movie is low, something that they love to make fun of during the movie, talking about the bad props and rubbish special effects as part of the dialouge. Funny stuff.
An interesting point about this movie is the character of Sugar Bear played by Shaggy 2dope only speaks in rhyme, all his lines in the movie were written in advance, and most other characters only had a brief outline of what to say, and much was ad-libbed.
All in all, a pretty funny movie, especially if you are a Juggalo.
Man-Thing (2005)
A terrible waste of time!
Now, I love cheesy b movies. Especially ones about murderous walking tree monsters, From hell it came Return of swamp thing etc. But Man-Thing has VERY little to offer.
The acting in this movie is SO bad, I was constantly shouting at the screen! There is no reason to like any of the very wooden characters what-so-ever, and the chemistry between the sheriff character, his deputy and the local Eco warrior school teacher (there's always one!) is entirely non-existent.
I should probably mention that the special effects in this movie are, surprisingly, pretty good, and there's a fair share of gore for a Marvel movie, and that is about the only positive that I can offer up!
The only other reason that there would be to watch this movie, is to just see how bad it really is, if you find actors talking over each other, walking in to scenery and attempting to play it off as intentional and staring in to space trying to remember what exactly your line is, then by all means check it out!