Change Your Image
csabol-17305
Reviews
Tiger King (2020)
Joe Exotic is Seriously Talented!
Joe Exotic wrote a song a number of years back called "Here Kitty Kitty." It is pure brilliance!! I advise you to look it up on YouTube and prepare to have your life changed forever!!!
Striptease (1996)
Demi Moore is hotter than hell
Listen! Getting to see Demi's boobs and a few seconds of her bare tanned ass was nice and all. However, I'm interested in more important parts of the body! I'm talking about the VAGINA!!! Had we a glimpse of her landing strip and/or lady beef then perhaps a 10/10!
The Christmas Chronicles (2018)
Not Good
Listen! I get it. I get that it's Santa Clause and it's fantasy. Yet in a context in which we are to believe that the real trumps the super-natual, which in fact it doesn't, there are far too many flaws and unanswered questions this film gives us which makes for an unsatisfying story and confused fantastic world.
1. Like I said, this story is full of flaws. When we first see Santa Clause, he is magically jumping from house to house delivering presents to anxious children who are waiting for their new material possessions due to their virtuous behaviour over the past year. However, at the rate in which Santa is depicted going from house to house, which is about .5-1 second per house, it would be mathematically impossible for Santa to deliver presents to every single house in the world in one night, even with the ability to warp to a different continent in a matter of seconds. I won't get into all of the numbers (which I have roughly calculated) but it simply doesn't add up. That many houses throughout the world in one night?!?! Absolutely no way!! Fail!!
2. Why does Santa only go to homes where there is a chimney? I know, at the end he goes into an apartment in Mexico but as he does so Santa says "sometimes you have to improvise" as though Santa going into a chimney-less house is a huge rarity? So what is the film saying? That only middle class families that can afford a house with a chimney will be visited by Santa? Only the middle-class to wealthy may be graced by the presence of one St. Nick on Christmas Eve? What about the poor, downtrodden, and homeless? Is Santa too good for them? Is he prejudiced against the lower socioeconomic class??? That is what this film would have you believe! Super Lame! Fail!
3. This film begs the question, Does Santa only work on behalf of children or does he also work on behalf of adults? I broach this question because there is a part in the film when Kate climbs into Santa's bag of gifts and is then whisked away into a seemingly bottomless world filled with presents for all the world to enjoy. As Kate floats through Santa's bag she is seen passing by myriad Christmas gifts which would constitute a variety of age groups in which Santa delivers to. The most notable present we see is a convertible automobile. Immediately when seeing this car it begs the question, "well who is that for?" Surely no child is in need of a car which in turn would make the sporty automobile for an adult. So who gets the car and why? If Santa has the ability to give the gift of a new car, then why wouldn't he do so to everybody who asks? What constitutes getting a car and not getting a car? And, if Santa had the ability to bring valuable things to those who ask, then why wouldn't he do it for the poor and needy? Because they were bad? Furthermore, we learn that Santa Clause has some sort of omniscient ability in that he knows very personal and intimate details about every person on earth. If this in fact is the case then surely he would know about people's personal struggles with alcohol/drug addiction, familial problems, and economic desperation. Yet, Santa shows no empathy or compassion for those people because they were "bad" so they must stay mired in their own difficulties and receive no presents. This shows Santa to be a morally sadistic character who has the power to help those in personal turmoil but chooses not to do so. How are the viewers to look at Santa with anything but hate and anger? The Christmas Chronicles gives us a Santa Clause that is full of evil and maliciousness. Fail!
4. Perhaps the most obvious flaw in this movie, at least to me, is the perceived legend of Santa Clause we are given. Early on in the film we are led to believe that Kate's older brother Teddy has contempt for Kate because she is continuing to hold on to the idea that Santa Clause indeed exists and reads letters sent to him at the North Pole. "How stupid of an idea", we can presume Teddy must be thinking! No rational or sane person with any form of intellectual feasance could believe that an old man who lives at the north pole and flies around on a sleigh with magic reindeer delivering presents to every household on the planet could exist, right?!?! I mean the entire premise of the film is built on this idea! But riddle me this Batman... In the world of The Christmas Chronicle, every year since people have existed in a civilised society there have to have been unknown gifts that have appeared underneath the christmas tree on Christmas morning. That unknown gift from "Santa" that your wife, children, and friends got with no paper trail of purchase whatsoever or complete befuddlement amongst loved ones as to who gave these gifts wouldn't leave any sort of suspicion among anybody??? I mean, if every single person since the start of time were to receive some unknown gift(s) every 25th of December and there was absolutely zero evidence that came from anybody in your familial or social circle then the legend of Santa Clause would in no way shape or form be legend but in fact would be unequivocal scientific truth! How are we to suspend belief that every single person on earth is ignorant of unknown presents that mysteriously appear every year??? Absolutely assanine and stupid!!! The entire premise of the film is impossible! Complete and utter fail!!!!!
5. OK, this one has been touched on before but it really bothers the hell out of me so I'll just spend a minute talking about it. This notion that if you do good solely for the purpose of receiving material goods is simply sickening. In the film we see Kate at the outset making a film a telling Santa about the good things she has done throughout the year. Because she has done these good things, Kate suggests to Santa in her video letter that she deserves to get stuff from Santa as a result of her positive actions. As I watched Kate make this film for Santa near the beginning, it depressed the living piss out of me. Kate is a very sweet and likeable girl and we can't help but love and support her as she is dealing with the death of her father and hoping with all of her might that Santa will watch her video so as to get some relief this Christmas. That accompanied with her charming personality and confidence makes it nearly inconceivable to dislike her or wish ill will on her. Yet when we listen to Kate make her desperate pleas to Santa for material gain, she justifies her wishes by stating how well and moral and good her behavior has been the past year. As far as I can tell, the film desires for us to sympathize with Kate and agree with her course of action for getting her wanted gifts from Santa! So, what is the message??? I suppose it's this: The only reason anybody should do good in the world is so you can get material possessions from Santa Clause. That's it! That's the meaning of life! That's your existential prerogative!! Do good to receive stuff!!... Seriously, what kind of ethic is that??? That is so superficial and morally bankrupt that I almost want to throw up as I write this... And I am not that moral of a person by any means!!!! What about doing good because it's just simply the right thing to do? How about doing good because it benefits your fellow man and is the best course of action for the betterment of society? How about doing good because it is the Christ-like thing to do and in the spirit of Christmas we should do good as it is pleasing to Jesus??? No no no no no!!! Why do we good??? To get more stuff from Santa!! Good God what a depressing message! Hey Christmas Chronicles... Fail!!!!
6. All right, this will be my last gripe. I've gone on long enough but I do have one last thing I want to say. This is connected to my diatribe in #3 which I just did not have enough time to finish. One last thought and I am done. OK then, so near the end of the film we discover that Santa has the ability (maybe only in a limited sense but an ability nonetheless) to influence freewill. One of the cops, Jameson I believe, feels lonely and for Christmas wants nothing more than to reunite with his ex-wife Lisa. Knowing this, Santa encourages Jameson to call Lisa but Jameson resists due to his belief that his ex wife has no desire to speak with him anymore. Santa begs to differ and shares with officer Jameson that the feeling is mutual and Lisa is indeed interested in hearing from him too. Cutting ahead, as the film begins to come to a close we see that Santa's Christmas gift to Jameson is nothing other than a phone call from Lisa. As he sees her name pop up on caller ID, Jameson is stunned with joy and we see Santa tilt his head with a smirk and give a warm, "Merry Christmas Jameson." So what are we left to conclude here??? Santa Clause can influence the freewill of human beings. He can cause Jameson's ex wife to pick up the phone, dial his number, and set up a coffee date with her former beau. Wow! I mean, is this Santa Clause or is this the risen Messiah?!?! Jesus couldn't do the stuff Santa does in the Christmas Chronicles! Truthfully, I don't know what other conclusion to come to than that Santa is in fact God incarnate! Or at least he is a god with superior super natural ability. This again begs the question, if Santa can influence free will and possesses a plethora of super natural power then why did do nothing to stop some of the greatest evils and atrocities this world has ever seen??? The Holocaust, wars, famines, sexual molestation in the Church etc. The list could go on and on. And if in fact he can stop all of this evil, why does he use his power to fulfill the superficial wishes for material goods desired by the middle class to rich??? He must be sadistic, evil, malicious, and supremely bad to have power and authority to change that which is harmful and then sit by callously and do nothing but seemingly watch! Santa is not a good guy by any stretch of the imagination but is instead an unbelievably strange and twisted character who takes pleasure in the pain.
Good Luck Chuck (2007)
Amazing
This film is unequivocally the most fantasticly tantalising love story in the history of this or any generation! I dare you to not sob openly while watching this!! I dare you!!
Making a Murderer (2015)
Avery's Conviction isn't the Only Troubling Thing
I want to offer up a bit of an alternative type of review for Making a Murder. First, I concur with many of the 10/10 ratings this series has received here on IMDB. The highly suspicious circumstances surrounding the evidence of the Steven Avery case, the prosecutorial misconduct by Ken Kratz, and the coerced confession of Brendan Dassey all left me shocked and sickened that law enforcement anywhere in America would go to such lengths to imprison two men with such overwhelming innocence! Manitowoc County Sherriffs Dept and Ken Kratz are effing guilty as eff as far as I'm concerned, but that's not at the crux of what I want to say here. Throughout this series there were many observations that I made about the citizens of Manitowoc County(both for and against Steven Avery) that I found to be unbelievably troubling, disturbing, and displeasing to watch.
1. Why in the eff is everyone in Manitowoc unable to use a past participle in the proper way??? While using the present perfect, past perfect tenses, as well as past modal verbs, the use of a verb's third form (past participle) is a basic structure of English grammar! For example, "I had seen" not "I had saw" or " He could have done" not " He could have did." Also, many Manitowoc residents will then use a past participle while using simple past. Instead of verb + ed (or irregular verb) they use verb 3. For example, "I ate breakfast this morning" not "I eaten breakfast this morning" or "They wrote me a letter last week" not "They written me a letter last week." Listen, we all make mistakes here and there when it comes to grammar, but the consistency in which seemingly everyone in Manitowoc is completely incompetent in their use of past participles is mind boggling! Unbelievable!! Oh and don't even get me started on their use of do/does and third person singular verb usage in simple present!! I mean, I can give a pass to the Averys as those in their gene pool are clearly mentally dull and may find proper speech/communication laborious and complicated, but what about the cops, court staff, and common citizens??? Jesus Christ that is embarrassing!
2. Everybody in Manitowoc is over weight, breathtakingly unattractive(men and women), and highly unsophisticated. It was a bit of an anomaly to observe how many strange looking people there are in Manitowoc while watching Making a Murderer. As an American myself I have lived in New York, Los Angeles, San Diego and even Chicago. In each of the aforementioned places there exists pleasant looking people with a high intelligence quota in both genders. Yet, in Manitowoc it is as if the officers of Ellis Island many years ago intentionally expelled every lunk headed unattractive European over to Manitowoc so as to keep the worst aspects of the gene pool concentrated in one specific place. I mean, Wow! Furthermore, does everybody in Wisconsin simply eat cheese and drink beer all day??? Why does every citizen of Manitowoc appear to be so unhealthy and fat??? As far as I know, Wisconsin has plenty of affluence spread around which would enable people to buy organic or eat something with a higher volume of complex carbohydrates. However, this has not happened in Wisconsin nor has anybody there gotten the memo regarding heart disease and diabetes. Very very strange to see so many fat unattractive people in one place... Lastly, the conversations between Brendan Dassey and Barb Tadych (his mom), Steven Avery and Tadych, and Avery with his parents are so simple and of a rudimentary in nature that they could be used in the next Adam Sandler film for comedic purposes. The way in which the above converse with one another displays a massive lack of vocabulary, brain power, and articulation that it begs the question how these people are able to function in the real world at all! For example a phone conversation between Dassey and Tadych would go something like this...
Dassey: They were talkin' about my case on the news tonight.
Tadych: Yeah
Dassey: Yeah
Tadych: Your lawyers are workin' hard
Dassey: Yeah
Tadych: Yeah
I mean, just by listening to the phone conversations you could reasonably conclude that the Avery family is one consisting of great mental disability. It's very surprising to see that such a high level of unsophistication exists and dwells among us
Don't F**k with Cats: Hunting an Internet Killer (2019)
A Bit Hollow
This is a compelling documentary which intensifies as it progresses, that is until the end when it flops like John Candy tripping into a lake... Let me unpack this a bit... The doc begins with a woman named Baudi Moovan, who sees a horrible film on YouTube of a cat being senselessly killed, and in turn joins a Facebook group to attempt to find the cat killer's identity and bring him to justice... initially watching this doc, I found the first part to be quite interesting as we see the FB group work together and eventually find the guys identity and discover his hometown and even address. In my opinion, this was the best part of the doc - searching for his identity and such...
War Machine (2017)
Worthy Effort but Lacking
Is this a comedy, a drama, a war film??? To be honest, I'm not really sure. Should we laugh, smirk, be angry, take it seriously? Again, don't know. War Machine seems to walk a tightrope between the aforementioned three genres while through its entirety, the film's identity is completely muddled which in turn leaves the viewer with the difficult task of interpreting what exactly they are watching and how exactly they should in turn feel. With that, there are many positive and negative aspects to War Machine...
1. War Machine gives us a credible, yet simplistic, critique of American neo-conservative foreign policy. Why exactly are we in Afghanistan? What is our goal? What are we accomplishing there? Is there a valid strategy to accomplish the goal? According to War Machine, that answer is "no." To think that as Americans we can take suburban Des Moines and simply drop it into the middle of Afghanistan, Iraq, or anyplace in the world with possesses oppressive dictatorial regimes without considering the engrained cultural and religious dogmas which exist in the population of our potential adversaries is both naive and idiotic. Do the Afghanis want what we have in the West??? Maybe some of them do but as a whole, the answer is no they don't. War Machine conveys this message quite aptly.
2. The script is well written and superbly acted by Brad Pitt as Gen. McMahon. His gruff voice, annoyed facial expressions, demanding demeanor, and unusual running style of keeping his arms at his side make him perfectly believable as a broken in career military veteran tasked with winning a seemingly unwinnable conflict. Bravo to Mr. Pitt! He earns a 10/10.
The Post (2017)
Solid
I thought this was a nice film with excellent acting accompanied by an engaging political/journalistic story. A few observations if I may...
1. The film starts off a bit slow with a few scenes of drawn out uncompelling dialogue featuring both Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks. Surely context and character introduction are the play in doing this, but early on the The Post feels like a weighted down 747 that is using every last ounce of power to get off the runway and its nose up to cruising altitude. Though it does accomplish this eventually at about the 35 minute mark, to actually get to the film's point of lift off, requires a strong attention span and massive pre-interest in the subject on the part of the viewer.
2. To be honest I had not known much about the Pentagon Papers and the ensuing scandal that followed their completion and leak to the New York Times and Washington Post before watching this. Spielberg does an excellent job of reenacting history and displaying the weight felt by both the New York Times and Wa Post in making their decisions to publish said critical documents to the public while facing the potential consequences that could follow. Furthermore, I appreciated that it was shown how Presidents throughout history have criticized the press sharply and have had bitter disagreements with certain reporters who cover them unfavorably and dishonestly. This isn't a new practice by either the press or the President. In watching cable news today you would think this is the first time in the history of the USA a President speaks illy towards the press and that we are mere seconds away from transforming into North Korea!!... Idiots! Glad Speilberg showed some context and history regarding our current situation with the finest President in the history of America who is currently in office (the year of this writing is 2020)!
3. The film faces a small dilemma in its identity as being either a historical political thriller about the Pentagon Papers or a sneak peek into the back rooms of the then modest Washington Post and the decision of Katharine Graham to publish the leaked top secret documents or not. There are two big stories in competition with one another here: shall the Pentagon Papers be published and the history and rise of relevancey of the Washington Post. I suppose having both stories running parallel to each other works fantasticly. Upon further reflection you can't tell one of these stories without the other. So perhaps this aspect of the film succeeds greatly and keeps the viewer absorbed with the story quite aptly.
4. I'm sorry, but Meryl Streep is very strange looking. She's obviously had some work done to her face and it's quite noticeable. There's just a particular artificialness to her appearance that is rather conspicuous and memorable (not in a good way) that is difficult to look past. In addition to this, Streep in recent years has come across as incredibly snobby, condescending, and out of touch with common people. With that, I find it terribly challenging to relate to her as an actress on any level. The Post is no exception to this. Throughout this film you can sense her nose high in the air as well as the belief in herself that she is one of the most sophisticated and important people in the world today. Sure she has lots of accolades and is a gifted actress but to Joe Six Pack hanging out at Starbucks or the local watering hole, nobody gives a rat's ass about her nor her political opinions! Streep is simply an unlikeable human being.
Overall I enjoyed the Post. Maybe if the early dialogue was a bit more interesting and clearer explanation were given to the story, it could've reached and 8 or a 9. It's a good film and worth a watch.
The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)
The Baseball Fan
"It's Enrico Pollazzo!!!"... The greatest comedic line in the history of cinema!!!
The Jackal (1997)
Pedestrian yet Enjoyable
The Jackal is very much a serviceable action thriller with above average acting and enjoyable writing. First, the story flows very well with just the right amount of slack given so as to not be ridiculously over the top nor boring with excessive dialogue and explanation. Second, both Richard Gere and Bruce Willis do justice to their respective characters. When I first heard Gere's Irish accent I was quite a bit skeptical as I believed it would be comical and too conspicuous so as to distract from the story. However, Gere pulls off the accent to perfection and is 100% believable as a former IRA operative. Willis too does spectacularly well as a sociopathic assassin hired by the Russian mob. The willingness to do absolutely anything to complete his task is impressively portrayed by Willis. Not an overly fantastic film but a fine Friday night thriller worth the investment of time.
6 Underground (2019)
Why does Bay insult his audiences with lazy story telling?!?!?!
Within three minutes of beginning to watch this film I knew that it was going to be painstakingly bad and contribute to my continued loss of faith in the millenial generation.
1. The opening car chase scene... What exactly is the purpose of this in regards to the story??? I mean, what causes it??? There is a vague explanation as #1 meets with some lawyer who refuses to give him information about a brutal dictator in fictional Tujikistan. However, the fallout that succeeds the meeting is given very little to no explanation. I guess he gets killed??? Apparently the guy was a mafioso lawyer as well so he he gets 100's of grunts, countless Alpha Romeros to speed through the narrow Florence streets, and military grade chopper to track and contain his killer, in Italy??? What??? Why would Italy protect a foreign dictator? And why would the dictator's lawyer have so much muscle guarding him??? Makes no sense!!!
2. If this crew is trying to keep a low profile, then why in the eff do they drive around in a hideous lime green Alpha Romero??? Yeah, not conspicous at all!! Effing ridiculous!
3. The writing and dialogue appeals to the unmotivated teenage flunkey with zero intelligence or sophistication that will undoubtedly get his fat unattractive high school girlfriend pregnant before graduation and then live a miserable existence unloading boxes from DHL trucks until he's 50 and OD's on meth. If you think any of these characters are admirable or any of the writing has one iota of humor in it, then you are a complete waste of effing space and your worthless family deserves to remain trapped and oppressed in the mobile home you all assuredly live in! Losers!
4. So a super rich renegade fakes his own death because it will be easier to track and kill the aforementioned dictator. Why? Because said dictator is bad and kills hundreds of innocent people, right? Surely you are morally uptight and want to do the right thing!! Hmmm, and what about the innocent people you ran over and who were needlessly killed on your get away through Florencein that completely gay looking Alpha Romero??? I guess killing them was OK, right?! What morally upright people you all are, right? Give me an effing break!
I can go on and on but it's not worth it. This film is total garbage! Michael B. sucks a*s as do the minions that follow and admire his work!
A Cure for Wellness (2016)
Unbelievably Bad
Boring, uninteresting, and confused story coupled with piss poor, God awful acting makes this film one of the biggest wastes of time of the year. Stay away!
Thick as Thieves (2009)
Stupid yet fun
A well crafted heist film with atrocious dialogue and piss poor acting! Never understood the draw of Antonio Banderas - He's laughably bad as an english speaking thespian. Perhaps he's better in his native tongue? Also, the Australian actress Radha Mitchell was God awful as Alex. Her contrived Russian accent, stiff mechanical dancing, and robotic voice inflections makes one wonder how she could get any role in a major motion picture, let alone a community theater production with pensioners as primary players. With that, it's fairly entertaining. Give it a go if nothing else to do.
The Way Back (2010)
Not Bad but Not Great.
Overall I enjoyed this film yet there are a few issues I have with it...
1. Whether or not the story is factual plays a huge role in the likeability and emotional impactfulness delivered by this film. Apparently the guy who wrote the book in which this movie is based upon has had his accounting of events called into question. If what he wrote was indeed factual, then Wow! What an experience and triumph of the human will! Unfortunately, from what I can gather, there is probably a better than average chance that it is all made up. With that in mind, it takes away from the overall pop and desire to emotionally invest in the film.
2. I understand that this film tells the tale of an incredibly grueling and lengthy foot journey through Siberia, Mongolia, and Tibet. To document and detail every single event would be unrealistic. However, there are an abundant of tense filled moments that Wier intoduces to us along the way but them simply glosses over. For example, at the beginning the escapees are faced with tumultuous weather in the dead of a Siberian winter while facing the daunting task of finding Lake Baikal which will in turn lead them down to the trans Siberian railway and across the Mongolian border into safety and freedom. This in itself is a masterful set up that leaves the viewer hooked and excited to see how our traversers will fare in the face of such overwhelming adversity. Get the popcorn! Order a pizza and crack open a beer because this is going to be a wild ride, right?!?! Nope! The next scene conveniently skips ahead three months to Springtime and our friends are out of the cold. We are left with no payoff whatsoever. Weir does this throughout the film, the worst of which is the glossing over of the unbelievably difficult hike over the Himalayas in winter. Again, Weir sets this up beautifully! Our prisoners find themselves in Tibet in the home of a generous family who agrees to care for them, feed them and shelter them as walking to India in the chilling cold and life threatening blizzards is suicide. Driven by the will to face his wife, Janusz defies their sage advice and treks on! Wow! What a moment! Can Janusz and the other survive the almost suicidal mission of making over the Himalayas to British controlled India?!?! Once again, I can't friggin wait! Invite your friends over, get a comfortable spot on the coach, and get the microwaveable popcorn ready to go because this is gonna be a doozy, right?!?! Wrong! The very next scene shows the men we have been journeying with all along simply arriving in India. No payoff with a massive set up. The Way Out does way too much skimming over which fails to do it the justice this film deserves. I will say that Weir does a fine job with the desert part of the journey.
With that, it's a decent film. Not bad but not great.
Private Life (2018)
Massively Disappointing
I suppose this film has some interesting and relevant takes in regards to society, human nature, and the unfairness of life. However, from beginning to end the story and main topic (fertility) are uninteresting. That, accompanied by unlikeable characters and a dark, dull portrayal of married life leaves much for wanting. It was the casting of Paul Giamatti and Kathryn Hahn that drew me to invest two hours plus of my time. Whereas I found the acting of the aforementioned quite pleasing and enjoyable, my feelings towards the characters they portrayed were deeply underwhelming and dull. I would give this one a pass.
Budapest (2018)
Meh
Not very good. Kinda gay actually... Dr. Dre once asked the question, " Where is christ in all this crisis?" ... it's a fair thing to ask.
In the Shadow of the Moon (2019)
Such a dumb film
If you are interested in wasting two hours of your life, then this is the perfect means for doing so... Poorly acted, amateurishly written, and non-existent character development... The film starts off interestingly enough, but then devolves into some third rate sci-fi mumbo jumbo. Furthermore, the political condescension of this film is comical and sad. Netflix needs to step their game up.
Hello, Privilege. It's Me, Chelsea (2019)
Uneducated drivel
This is complete nonsense... Absolutely baffled as to why anybody listens to this woman anymore... I know... I just did by watching this and I regret it terribly... Chelsea Handler is a skid-mark on the underpants of society... Sad
Sandy Wexler (2017)
Absolutely awful!
Banal, amateurish, Jr. High written drivel! Adam Sandler is hands down the biggest hack in the history of cinema! Pathetic! And, his wife is a 6 at best!
Grown Ups 2 (2013)
Perfect!!!
Quite possibly the greatest film in the history of cinema!!!!
Beer League (2006)
Good
I miss Artie on Stern! This movie is hilarious! It's classic Artie before he was doped up and too full of himself! Godspeed sir!