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Team_Rocket
Favorite Quotes:
"The Scott tears up my a**hole and it hurts. Makes it all like bleedy. That's why my ass was bleeding that time, I didn't have a disease like I originally thought, it was just sh!tty toilet paper." - Jessie on bad tp
Jessie: Hey James, do you have fur around your butthole?
James: Yes I do Jesse.
Jessie: Cool, me too! Guess we've both got furry little a**holes!
Reviews
Ancient Warriors (2003)
Bullets over Broadway Part 2
From the moment you hear that first gunshot, you feel an air of cheesy action crapfest ahead of you. Then you hear that second gunshot, then another, and another...And another....And yet another. They should have called this shoot people the movie. Pretty much the entire film centers around shooting guns nonstop and killing everything in sight.
The one time the films stars aren't shooting their guns, is when they're polishing them...And the one time they're not killing people with their nicely polished guns is when they're having target practice. Yes, you read that right. You get to actually watch the low grade b movie action stars target practice. You get to watch all kinds of guns being fired too, not just machine guns, but 9mm handguns too. One of the b movie stars even pays homage to Chow Yun Fat with his duel wielding 9mm's style of shooting people.
Now don't get me wrong, when I say these guys shoot people, they don't just wing them or nick them...They fu**ing kill them...Dead mind you, deader than 4 o'clock. I don't think I saw even one person recover from the shooting they got. I saw guys taking shots in the head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes. And at one point I saw a man get shot in the a**, either that or he had two a**holes.
That reminds me, the actors in this film were like a collective of a**holes. Or, the big stink as I like to call them. They were very wooden, almost totem-like. They somehow made their way from scene to scene, and shot people. I could imagine the director carrying each actor from scene to scene and posing them for each shot given the woodocitificationess of the actors in question.
I didn't hate this film, and for the price of $1.00 I would have to say it was worth it. It was worth a dollar just to see the heavy machine gunner do a Rambo yell while he slaughtered dozens of mindless villains. I couldn't stop laughing during that part of the film either. Going into Ancient Warriors thinking it would suck made sitting through it much easier as well.
All in all, I'd give this film a 2. Just because it's so over the top with gunplay and sets a new standard for bgrade action films, plus there's a Baldwin brother in it, so hey...I'd give it the extra point for that alone. For bad movie lovers only, all others please avoid this at all costs. Even at a dollar.
Kicking & Screaming (2005)
I'd put this in my top 20 worst films of all time.
Kicking & Screaming is one of the worst films I've ever seen. It's not funny and it is definitely Will Ferrell's worst comedic performance in a film by far. This one is right up there with Soul Plane in that it's bland and unfunny and for some reason people tend to like it for whatever reason.
I don't get it, sure Will Ferrell has made me laugh once or twice during his career, but after that his films just become much like his acting, repetitive and one dimensional. I'll give the Will Ferrell loving minions Elf, but other than that he just bumbles from film to film with the same wide-eyed empty glare he always has. He telegraphs his lines and tries in vain to get someone to laugh at him for being lame.
If I could have went to high school with Ferrell, I would have imagined dunking him repeatedly into the boys urinal at school, slowly sliding him up and down face first along the porcelain. This might have given him an idea that he wasn't funny and possibly deterred him from going into a comedic career. It may have even set him on a path for his correct life calling...Janitorial work.
Will Ferrell bashing aside, the film is like a shot of raw sewage in your arm when you're expecting heroin. You want a fun experience, even though you know that Will Ferrell is detrimental to your health. Damn, I still can't stop bashing Ferrell. Nevertheless, I cannot express my distaste for this film enough. Even as far as silly or senseless fun goes, this film just doesn't have anything going for it. Avoid it, for the sake of not having more films like this made, please...Just avoid it.
Space Mutiny (1988)
One of the best bad films ever made
This film is beautiful for so many reasons, and yet many do not see that beauty. You have to look past the bad acting, bad special effects, and cheesy dialogue to see it...But trust me, it's there. It's a prime example of a film that's so bad it's good, grab some popcorn and some friends and get ready for a night of side splitting fun. No you're not going on a killing spree, this film has a bad movie appeal that will leave a smile on your face afterwards instead of regret...Regret you might feel after spending hard earned money on something like Kicking & Screaming or whatever Will Ferrell's latest comedy vehicle is.
Space Mutiny is a bad film you won't regret, watch it for what it is. Sure, one could sit back and take a serious look at this film and dissect it critically, but I for one like to enjoy a film for what it is...And this film my friends, is pure "so bad it's good" gold. Melt it down in your critic's cauldron if you must, but why waste time taking a critical approach to something that was way ahead of it's time and reached new heights in bad movie history. It's one of the best of the worst in my book and deserves a spot on anyone's movie shelf who enjoys bad acting, bad dialogue, and bad films in general.