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tornadovines
Reviews
The Descent (2005)
Girls Lost In Cave With "Monsters"
As a group explores an underground cave, a slim passageway has rocks crumbling onto it. Unfortunately, the group ended up being mislead by one of the members. Instead of going to a familiar spot, they're in seemingly uncharted territory. Now they must find another exit, if there even is one, and they have limited supplies. To make matters worse, there's hostile human-like creatures.
I was pleasantly surprised by this. When I saw a brief preview(s) the creatures looked lame but the execution ended up being well done, including some of the successful death combat with them. The film was also creepy, not because of the creatures (they did add some tension to it) because of the confined spaces as well large potential drops, and how even a minor slip could be catastrophic. The pacing, lighting, and script were all well done.
Tyrannosaurus Azteca (2007)
It's A "Sci-FI Original"; you know what that means!
It was 1 a.m. in the morning and I had nothing else to do. Don't judge me... please.
We're back in time during the Spanish settlements. A group have made their way onto an island. It doesn't take too long before they encounter a large "reptile", which gobbles up their horse. Soon they're captured by the natives and in order to gain freedom they must kill the "reptile gods." THE CG sucks; it reminds me of the CG of early console video games. The encounters were lame. The only positive thing I have to say about this was the hottie native running around in a skimpy outfit. Otherwise it's just a middling effort.
Hip Hop Locos (2001)
May The Lord Have Mercy On Us All
A group of stereotypical Latinos are causing trouble like jacking someone's car and cocaine so they can afford a record deal. But basically it's them going "**** homes, yeahhhh" for the entire film. I've seen a lot of crap but this sincerely takes the top. It's completely bankrupt in every imaginable way possible. I bet these chumps think they're cool but they're nothing but a black spot on humanity. They just got a camera and started rolling. I bet these guys dropped out of high school.
Please, don't make the same mistake I did. Don't do this to yourself. You're a decent human being, you don't deserve to be put through this.