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Vatos (2002)
1/10
The Drug Use! Oh, the Drug Use!
21 July 2006
Warning: Spoilers
The amount of cocaine, and how it is portrayed is beyond ridiculous. Case in point: Two Latinas start snorting the coke so heavily that the both of them are covered in it! They snort the snuff from what looks like a brass doggy bowl and a mini cauldron. One of the characters starts freaking out from the amount of coke he snorted before. I bet everybody on set was snorting coke as well, everyone from the actors to the grips.

I'm bringing attention to this movie's cocaine problem mostly because the movie doesn't accurately portray the dangerous of cocaine. This has to be one of the great coke movies of the century, hands down.

If you don't like drug use or copious amount of profanity that string along horribly, then avoid this movie like a mad cholo with a milk mustache.
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Skidoo (1968)
10/10
Whole Lotta Love...
30 June 2006
I know you may not take me seriously, but I feel a great joy reviewing the films that actually matter, and the ones that suck so bad...they could pull barnacles off wrought iron.

That being said: We delve into the wonderpeice - "Skidoo". Directed by: Otto Preminger*

The most profound comedy, where life and death are but a flow of life and narrative. Characters stand out as individuals and stereotypes, but you'll hardly care after enjoying the body of our tale boil into it's chaotic head. Rag Tag Tactics and Drug Induced Peel Sessions are of a great charm.

The Lazy Southerner
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Uncle (1996)
10/10
Love soaked and funny
6 March 2006
With a great bit of animation, great writing, and a wonderful narrator, This comes out to be a beautiful piece overall. The gentle pacing and cartoony but flattering character designs allowed this piece much gravitas. At first I questioned whether or not the short should have been in "The Animation Show" but it's writing and fluid stop-motion animation alone carried it well.

Personally I have nothing more to say about this piece and to expect me to be anything but excited to write about this great piece is just plain word greedy.

If only my family in Austrailia could be this interesting.

The Lazy Southerner
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10/10
Silva! Strode! Jesus! In the most convoluted piece of entertainment ever!
3 March 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Amazingly awful! With a story as deep as a kiddie pool, we're exposed to black ops stupidity as an entourage of B-movie standards leads us through a tour in Nam'! Can't get any more badass than that huh? Wait...there's more! Vietnamese hookers that look Mediterranean! Still with me? A guy gets a spear to the nuts! Don't get up for air! I'm not finished! Jesus fights off middle aged punks in a hotel lobby, then proceeds to murder an army of dogs and highly explosive buildings! Then all of the sudden...Woody "The Man Hammuh" Strode!

See this movie or die unfulfilled! Buy it or else Italy can't make movies anymore!

Yours and mine,

The Lazy Southerner
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Wood is in this season!
3 March 2006
Warning: Spoilers
Jackie Chan stars in a role that could have been taken by...hmmm...lets say...anyone. This coming of age tale detailing the life of a mute-struck kungfu student and his eccentric teachers, is not as bad but just as weird and predictable as any other kungfu tale.

Your basic unlikely hero emerges from his shell to rise to the occasion, type of thing.

You're better off with sci-fi on this one folks. Either find a Hong Kong comedy or a nice piece of camp-like "Vixen!"

I hope this helps,

The Lazy Southerner
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Steamboy (2004)
1/10
Steamboy is not the successor to Akira...period
26 February 2006
Unbearable to watch... Corny as all hell... and dripping with moronic character designs and editing errors.

Just to mention the fact that our ambiguous bad guy looks like the third member of Milli Vanilli, and the unbearable "Newsies" feel to the whole production left me with a sepia chocolate flavored headache.

As if it weren't enough that every other tunnel scene is shrouded in the darkest shades of cocoa I've ever seen.

Watch Akira instead...don't buy the hype...buy war bonds, they make a great wall paper,

The Lazy Southerner
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7/10
It takes off from "Jackie Chan with mutton chops" and keeps on going...
19 February 2006
An amazingly horrible film, kung fu corniness at it's best. Everything from the names of the characters: "Chin Chin" which is Japanese for "penis", which is awesome because there are tons of variations in the movie. "All you care about is your chin-chin!" (Actual piece of dialog) The set designs are beautiful and the cinematography catches some great shots sporadically in the film. The fight scenes themselves are just thick with super human hijinks and cheap camera tricks. Altogether, a hilarious piece of kung fu dung.

Not for the serious kung-fu fan, more for the casual-bad-movie-fanatic.

Yeehaw, The Lazy Southerner
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The Stuff (1985)
7/10
A bleeding wound writes his deranged memoirs of goop monsters
19 February 2006
With great pacing, cartoony characters and the best production values for a low budget coil film, the most fun I've had watching a movie since "Commando!" Albeit, the effects were sometimes off their mark and the actors were sometimes deadpan- their very hesitation made the movie that much better. Just seeing the blank faced stares of that kid while his father just browbeats him is just too much! One of the best of the worse by far. If you don't feel like watching "Citizen Kane" or "Bad Boys 2" or even "Cabin Fever" for that matter, try and find "The Stuff!" Look at it this way...either watch this with your spouse ...or rent "Miss Congeniality".

Yeehaw, The Lazy Southerner
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