NosCustodimus's Reviews

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)

6/10

11 May 2024

TLDR ~ I liked Kingdom but still feel as though it was at least an hour too long and didn't entirely fulfill its purpose. As the first chapter of a new trilogy, one can only hope later chapters pay off what this one started to establish.

Even with 2.5 hrs(!) of runtime, Kingdom struggled to fully flesh out all the new characters and concepts it introduced. Obviously, it is possible for them to revist storylines in later chapters, but in this film, they were either glossed over or semi-throwaway concepts used for cool scenery. A few attempts at humor came off juvenile and unnecessary, while early character traits prove illogical as the story progresses.

That said, the film is stunning to look at, which CGI blending very well with practical elements. Landmarks and locations are the perfect mix of distorted by war, wear and tear over time, being recaptured by nature, etc yet familiar enough to recognize at a glance where the film takes place. Script is OK, even when it feels like it either cribbed off other films or the characters are doing so on their own... Does that mean (that film) is in the same universe?! Oooh, now that's a film we need to see!

First chapters in a soft reboot are tough. You have to pay homage to the original story without being able to fully tap into what made it great. In Dawn, Rise, and War, we were able to follow an important character, care for them, and watch that character develop as the stakes continue to increase. Kingdom attempts to raise the stakes before we fully know or care what's happening. Maybe this will pay off in 4-5 years, but walking out of the theather today, I didn't get the same sense of resolution after every film that I felt from the first 8 (even the ones that were decidedly worse films).

Verdict: Enjoyable, but catch a matinee or just wait to watch it at home.

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The American Society of Magical Negroes (2024)

10/10

Clever Satire w/ a Rom-Com Twist

26 April 2024

TLDR ~ The writing, acting, sets, and casting are all top tier. If you've lived it and/or understand the joke, you will enjoy this movie. If not, well then this isn't the movie for you.

Destined to be intentionally misunderstood and downvoted by the non-target audience, TASOMN takes the standard rom-com recipe and adds a satirical look at life through one of Hollywood's oldest tropes: the Magical Negro, including obvious recreations of films like Bagger Vance and The Green Mile. Where/If TASOMN misses, it is in its humor about a lived experience so specific to one group in American culture while lampooning another (who will miss the joke so badly that they will log into imdb and voice their discomfort loud and proud, thus proving the movie's central premise 100% accurate). Classic situation of: those who need most to hear the message and learn from it are the least likely to do so.

Having had many of the difficult conversations depicted in the movie, I greatly enjoyed an opportunity to laugh about it. Give this movie a chance and maybe you will too.

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Abigail (2024)

6/10

M3gan Saw the Usual Suspects' Clue

22 April 2024

Meshing multiple genres (fantasy, mystery, and claustraphobic/ trapped in a house thriller), Abigail presents elements of M3gan (2022), Saw II (2005), The Usual Suspects (1995), and Clue (1985). Sadly, if you've seen the trailer or even the movie's poster, most of the mystery is already revealed, rendering much of the first half of the film irrelevant.

It's a decent movie that deserved better from its marketing department. Cinematogrphy is decent, make-up is good, lighting matches the tone, they didn't go overboard with CGI, and acting is just cheezy enough to land the jokes without going too over the top. Pop some popcorn, turn your brain off, and suspend your disbelief for a couple hours.

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Manhunt (2024)

5/10

Misses the Mark

17 March 2024

TLDR ~ Finds an ill-fated grey area between documentary and fiction, in that it is neither historically accurate nor entertaining.

Manhunt takes a potentially riveting story and just doesn't do enough with it, ultimately suffering a bit of an identity crisis. It's not historically accurate enough to be a documentary and not entertaining enough for those willing to turn their brain off and just enjoy a bit of campy fiction. While advertised as a straightforward manhunt, it includes what seems like footnotes about the country not changing overnight, that formerly-enslaved people were never paid for hundreds of years of forced labor (and countless other degradations)... but it's only footnotes and lacks impact when that story could carry its own, entirely new series if anyone let people tell it.

Budget and costumes appear to be on the low end for AppleTV+. Script and line delivery were appalling at times. A few casting choices strained the suspension of disbelief too far, taking me out of every scene those actors appeared. After a very rough start, it improved quite a bit in the final two episodes as events unfolded and wooden dialog decreased, but it was too little, too late.

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House of the Dragon (2022– )

5/10

As a standalone, it falls flat.

3 October 2022

Chockfull of unlikeable characters and generally lacking what many enjoyed about Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon seems to serve very well as a companion series for those who have read Fire and Blood. However, for viewers who haven't read the book, the series falls flat. Let's be honest: if this wasn't a Game of Thrones spin-off, only a fraction of us would be watching and it would definitely end after a dismal first season.

PROS -- The rich history of Westeros, as written by GRRM... Increased real world diversity and representation in their fictional universe... High production value. Costumes are excellent, wigs are getting better, and the (real and CGI) scenery looks beautiful.

CONS -- Numerous time jumps and recastings. It's jarring for the viewer and to the story, often skipping years of the aforementioned lore... Conspicuous lack of dragons in House of the Dragon... Character development, intriguing politics, sharp dialogue, and decent action scenes are all few and far between.

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Ambulance (2022)

2/10

Unsure Which is Shakier, the Cam or the Script

29 March 2022

What should be a fun action flick becomes literally unwatchable as the overuse of shaky cam causes even more headaches and eye rolls than a plot with holes big enough to drive an ambulance through.

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Hanna (2019–2021)

6/10

Excellent First Season, Downhill After That

25 December 2021

Really enjoyed the first season, but the second and third left a lot to be desired. The acting of the main cast is solid, but as the series progresses, its pace drops considerably. Moments of brilliance, which were commonplace in Season 1, are few and far between in Seasons 2 and 3 as the show gets bogged down by contrived, secret or "coincidental" connections and a supporting cast of aliased, generic-by-design baddies. I like the ideas presented in Seasons 2-3 but not their execution. I think they missed the mark with some of the cast and plot choices. As a work of fiction, it must be granted a bit of leeway, but some scenes really test one's suspension of disbelief. The lighting in Season 3 was a major issue imo. Numerous scenes were difficult to see. Sometimes, they were just poorly lit (a strange choice). Other time, it appeared to be plot-dependent, when they needed dark rooms and corners for the story to progress. What was interesting was when these exact same locations were better lit in other scenes. Maybe they were going for gritty, but it just came off as dark. Tidy enough clean-up for the ending, but one can't help but wonder how much filler could've been shaved off.

Overall Series Rating: 6.25/10 ... Great first season. Everything after that is a story that's been done before, recently, and better.

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Red Notice (2021)

5/10

Better Heist: IN Movie or THE Movie?

12 November 2021

TLDR: It pains me to write this because I really like everyone in this cast, a lot! ... I just don't like anything _other than_ the cast. Only recommended as background noise.

----- Maybe my excitement and expectations were too high. I realized halfway through that I was less into the story than I was seeing what the much-adored cast were going to do next. A few more mins went by and it was clear that I was only watching it for the cast and, if they were replaced with lesser-known actors, I would have turned it off in the first half hour. Obvious product placement from stars' dueling alcohol brands aside, Red Notice just didn't bring anything new to the table. Gadot played a character marginally different from what she's done in the past, but Reynolds and Johnson just played Reynolds and Johnson. The script was full of clichés. Very clever lines and scenarios may have been funny the first 50 times I've heard them, but they just didn't work for me this time. Finally, the action was marred by poor editing (obvious green screen, too many cuts, shaky cam).

Even now, as I look at the score I gave it, I think it might be way too generous, once again taking advantage of my affinity for the cast. I mean, if you like these actors, even with a low score, you still kinda have to see this movie, don't you? That's fine. Pop some popcorn and try to enjoy yourself. Just keep in mind it's probably better suited for background noise than a watch party.

4/10 ... +1 pt each for Gadot, Johnson, and Reynolds. Only 1 pt total for everything else.

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The Harder They Fall (2021)

9/10

Fun Fact: This is Fiction

3 November 2021

TLDR: Visually stunning, captivating story, and stylized violence that most audiences would love if not for the obvious: people downvoting a film they haven't seen for daring to tell a story with a diverse cast. Easily one of the best soundtracks in recent memory and one of my favorite westerns of all time. A bit long, but highly recommended.

----- The whole film gave me a modern "spaghetti western" vibe. Great cast, solid acting, and brilliant soundtrack combining western visuals and contemporary hip-hop/ remixes. The violence is beautifully overdone and stylized with vivid colors in the spatter. The style felt enjoyably familiar. In fact, had you told me this was made by a different big-named director who has made a couple westerns of his own in recent years, I would have believed you and, I believe, the film would be treated differently (it also would've had at least a dozen more expletives of the -er variety if you catch my meaning).

Elba, as always, is a force that gravity bows to and Majors is quickly becoming one of my new favorites actors. Even the "supporting" cast has lead their own projects, helping the whole ensemble play off each other as if scenes were just conversations between old friends. Zazie is amazie (sorry, had to) and I like some of the ideas King brought to her role, but I was taken out of the moment a few times by the accent she chose for her character. It's entirely possible this was just too jarring since I have heard her regular voice for too many years.

Pacing could have been better. They did very well building multiple characters, making me feel as though I understood most of them. That takes a lot of time though and I felt the second act ran a bit long, with the necessary, though humorous, side quest. A few tweaks in the middle might've shaved off 10 or even 15 mins, bringing the total runtime under the (arbitrary) 2 hours mark.

8.5/10 ... Familiar, but different. Old and new. Funny, but not hilarious.

----- In the first few seconds of the film, it tells you it is a work of fiction. For some reason, people are on here downvoting it for historical inaccuracy. By that logic, Unforgiven should also be a 1/10 for not being a documentary. If someone can't be trusted to pay attention in the first 10 seconds of a film, their review is meaningless. It is interesting though, isn't it? How often the "I don't see color" and "why is everything about race" crowd so aggressively attacks anything that doesn't adhere to their fragile identity politics? This is a very good movie that deserves to be talked about with the best in the genre. The fact this even needs to be debated is evidence that everything "they" say is false is absolutely true.

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Colin in Black & White (2021)

9/10

Twice as Good for Half as Much

29 October 2021

TLDR: It was very good. It was timely, you could see how personal it was to him, and the story is an experience (unfortunately) shared by so many, myself included. I highly recommend it, especially if you don't want to watch it. Maybe you'll learn something. Not likely, but there's always hope, right?

----- Excellent story about one man's experience (which many others will share) growing up with a loving family and seemingly everything else a kid could need, but not being afforded essential elements of life that we all demand: respect and dignity. Quite a few scenes hit home and remind me of very similar experiences. Young Colin, while not an elite athlete, conveys the emotion a young man faces when they everyone around them treats them like they're less than, even their loved ones who are perfectly well-meaning, but still part of the problem in many ways, possibly even the part of the problem that hurts the most.

Very good visual effects, backgrounds, and soundtrack set the scene and make good use of the space, often drawing direct parallels between past and present. Even if the point being made isn't that A = B or that B directly follows A chronologically, it is always made clear that A and B are both letters, in the English alphabet, that are capitalized, and are often placed directly next to each other, so their relationship is self-evident (I hope I didn't stretch that analogy too far and lose anyone).

Good decision to present this as a 6-episode limited series. When subject matter is heavy, like this is, being able to take it in bite-sized chunks is important. Some had their eyes glaze over at the very mention of this series existing, so you don't want to lose anybody by sitting them down for 3 solid hours of microaggressions and overt racism. Even I had to take a halftime break.

1/4-point deductions for:

Colin did well enough as the narrator but he is clearly an elite athlete, not an actor. Very minor deduction for sometimes wooden or hammy delivery.

Young Colin is clearly as actor, not an elite athlete. Some of his movements made my shoulder hurt watching it. This is hardly the first or last time this has happened so no big deal.

Rating: 9.25/10 ... Highly recommended.

----- How does one show something another refuses to see? I think that is the question we have to ask ourselves when it comes to shows like CIB&W, the new Wonder years, and others. Stories are finally being told from a different perspective and, for the most part, vocal sections of the non-target audience are losing their minds to downvote it out of existence. The truth is often uncomfortable and not everything happening in the present is new. Some are holdovers of times we thought long since passed. This is where CIB&W comes in: This was his experience, but in many ways, it was also mine and many others'.

If only people would just shut up long enough to listen, they might-just maybe-learn something about other people's experiences. An understanding could be reached. We could find some way to move forward... but then I see all the 1 ratings for a show people definitely haven't watched and I know, the moment the sun comes up, the review section will be flooded with non-reviews full of whackadoodle political opinions and revisionist story-time that simply isn't based in fact.. which leads me to my final question (paraphrasing an early episode): Why are we always the ones that have to prove them wrong?

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Fear the Walking Dead: The Beacon (2021)

Season 7, Episode 1

5/10

Form over Function

11 October 2021

Visually stunning 20-minute webisode stretched to full-length season premiere. As much as I enjoyed looking at this episode and a couple new additions to the lore, the episode drags quite a bit and feels very bloated. I can't help but wonder if this prologue would have better served the overall story had it been paired with another subplot.

The potential was huge, but the execution left a great deal to be desired. At the end of the day, it felt more like a midseason filler rather than a season premiere.

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The Wonder Years (2021–2023)

7/10

Not a Remake, a New Chapter

23 September 2021

I enjoyed the pilot. The adult cast is excellent with familiar faces (and voices!). The acting, writing, etc. Wasn't stellar in the pilot (which is normal), but I think it'll all improve as the series progresses. They nailed the look (as far as I can tell) and there were a few things that really hit close to home for me, positively and negatively, but always poignantly.

I laughed out loud a couple times, as I'm sure did others who remember being told to "stay out of grown folks business" and that being the last word on the subject. I have had at least three teachers/ coaches (just the ones I can remember off the top of my head) who, as the show puts it, "[weren't] prejudiced" and clearly were. I might've also laughed a bit too hard at the baseball scene as I flashed back to similar situations. I think, like any period piece, The Wonder Years (2021) will be enjoyed by everyone in the target demographic and maybe sway a few others if they're open-minded enough to learn another chapter of the Wonder Years story. Give it a watch. You'll enjoy it.

-----

And it's on that note that this review diverges to address the larger discussion: Nostalgia vs Revisionist History. First and foremost, as someone who once wrote a paper on The Wonder Years (true story, 7th grade English), anyone saying this show is "too political, unlike the original" has not seen the original and should have their review deleted. Imagery in the first 10 secs of the original pilot disproves this. 1x04 includes a dinner table political debate wherein a draftee alludes to the possibility of fleeing to Canada. These aren't the only time "politics" were addressed in the original series, as anyone would tell you who actually watched the show and understood it.

It's disappointing (though painfully predictable) that people who clearly know nothing about the show, the time, or the culture would make such a concerted, vitriolic effort to downvote a show simply for daring to tell the second chapter of a story from a non-White perspective. This anger on their part actually proves the larger point: that shows like this are necessary. People need to see and learn different perspectives and experiences and they need to see them in the mainstream, not tucked away on a niche streaming service or channel that can be dismissed and ignored by those hoping to maintain the status quo while silencing diverse voices.

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The Match (2020)

2/10

Sub, Please!

12 July 2021

Poor retelling of a great story about courage and resilience. Based on real events, I could let it slide if it was a solid drama that was lacking a bit in the sports department or an excellent sport movie with dramatic elements sort of bolted on around it. Unfortunately, The Match fails in both areas.

Being indie or low-budget doesn't have to mean low quality. It's not even an attention to detail issue. It's just bad. The script is ridiculous, acting was stiff, and direction felt like they had a two-take limit and just took what they got. The two biggest-name actors (Nero and Assante) are in the movie for less than five minutes combined. "The match" itself, which is supposed to be the highlight of such a film, is laughable from a technical perspective. It feels thrown together, shot, and edited in the same afternoon. The choreography is unskilled, uninspired, and amateurish, even though they cast pro footballers.

The rules and equipment are completely wrong for the era. Now, if they had missed by a few years or even a decade, OK fine, whatever, let's not nitpick... but they missed by 70+ years in some cases! It's no exaggeration to say it would be more accurate if characters had cell phones in WWII. That's how far off they missed. Yes, this is a low budget, indie film. Pretty sure they could afford Google and could spare 5 minutes.

2/10 .. Referee, sub please!?

Such a great story deserves to be told in a way that isn't so painful to watch. For example, a dramatized version is told very well in Victory (1981), starring Pele, Sylvester Stallone, Max von Sydow, and Sir Michael Caine (not a lot of people know that). I can't stress enough that you need to go watch that movie instead, especially if you've never seen it before.

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Justice Society: World War II (2021)

3/10

Skip this subpar standalone.

9 May 2021

Cheap-looking animation, low grade dialog, disjointed plot, zero character development, typical lazy deus ex machina resolution, ending appealed to unearned emotions since there was nothing important in the story to wrap up. Like other recent standalone DC animated films, you won't miss anything by skipping this one. Very difficult to find anything redeemable about this effort. 3/10 stars.

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Mortal Kombat (2021)

5/10

If I could, I would fight this movie.

4 May 2021

10 for the first scene. 7 for a couple of fights. 3 for the other 90 mins, including all the attempted fan service that missed, jokes that didn't land, and twists everyone saw a mile away. Decent CGI this time around and casting was better (no more White Raiden!), but plot, dialog, and acting all lost momentum after an epic first scene and imo never recovered. Brilliant 20 minute short stretched to 2 hours. 5 Stars.

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Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)

6/10

Big Fun and Big Issues

21 March 2021

Warning: Spoilers

Initially, I really enjoyed ZSJL. With time, my feelings about it have cooled. It was a lot of fun and it was far better than the previous version that came out only a few years prior. However, if we were allowed to re-write a freshman English paper in our senior year and re-submit to the same prof for a better grade, I'm pretty sure it would be far better than the original too. It undoubtedly benefitted from years of fan feedback on 2017's "rough draft," millions of extra dollars for re-shoots and epilogues, and a near-unlimited runtime, but the final product still has issues large and small: plot holes, continuity questions, some pacing that could've been tightened up, and slightly wonky CGI. That said, I still recommend watching it. It's the best live action Justice League movie available, so it should be a lot of fun for any CBM fan. (Justice League War is a better story imo.)

***long rant with light SPOILERS below***

I'll begin with the big issue and move to smaller ones. The entire story is built on Darkseid forgetting where the great battle and epic defeat took place. Does he strike you as the type of dude to just let something like that slide? Forget the prophecies, equations, and mother boxes for a second... Darkseid's gonna lose and just walk away without burning the entire planet to ash? Not likely. Add the rest back in and there's a 0% chance this movie lasts more than 10 mins.

It's also difficult, but necessary, to look at the good parts of this movie and recognize the problems they create in the larger universe. Assuming ZSJL is canon, it pretty much breaks the continuity for Aquaman and Wonder Woman's two films so far. They both had a lot more room to grow in ZSJL than they did in JL, which is a good thing! I like these characters. I want to see more of them... but then who are the other people in their solo films and what do we do with them? When and how did Arthur get the trident and become Aquaman? How and why did Wonder Woman forget how to fly (since she apparently learned how to do it in 1984)?

Similarly, when did Bruce/Batman become an optimistic beacon of hope? And why do they keep referring to each other by their various identities in mixed company? Arthur calling Bruce Batman on the island, everyone calling Supes Clark in front of the cops during the fight.. it's like HISHE when Batman goes around saying, "Do you wanna know my secret identity?" What is the point in a secret identify if everyone's just going to out themselves and each other constantly?

I loved that Cyborg had time to shine in ZSJL after he was nearly absent in JL. Flash had actual character development and motivations instead of just being a few quirky one-liners. Most of the jokes were flat imo, but they existed in an attempt to flesh out the character, which is a good thing. Both were integral to the plan working. Awesome... but now their (or, at least Cyborg's) origin story has already been told. The fact that everyone loves that they were rescued from the cutting room floor proves this could and should have been done in solo films.

DC's cinematic universe was rushed, needing at least a soft reboot. Zack Snyder's Justice League can serve as an excellent jumping off point for that reboot. It's not perfect, by any means and, given 4 hours, it had plenty of time to include things other films and filmmakers simply aren't allowed. Obviously, there are no hard and fast rules to how long a film can be, but if the studio had required ZSJL to be 2 hours (as reportedly was the case with JL), or even 3 hours, what hour would you cut and how might that effect our overall enjoyment? Whatever you cut, it can't be badass Superman in a badass black suit. Very impressive (even if he wasn't impressed). Need more of that.

Lastly, the one time I got excited was in one of the final scenes. I thought they were going to pay homage to Lex's escape from prison in Superman II, but they didn't. Missed opportunity imo. The epilogue was also trash. Bringing back Leto's Joker felt forced, simply to set up other (Elseworlds?) films down the road. Both were imo the stereotypical unearned sequel tease.

A lot of good in this JL remake, but quite a bit of bad, too. Fan reaction reminds me a lot of when Star Wars Ep1 The Phantom Menace first came out. It took a few weeks, but once the initial rush of 10s subsided, people finally started to acknowledge that, while there are fun bits, maybe even a few legendary scenes, it probably doesn't live up to the hype. With everything it had going for it, it couldn't just be "pretty good." It didn't need to be perfect, but it should've been better by at least nailing the antagonist's motivations and cleaning up the CGI. Still, it's a must-see for CBM fans like us, so I give it a 6/10.

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