Inspector Clouseau (1968)
Alan Arkin: Insp. Jacques Clouseau
Photos
Quotes
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Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite : I think it only fair to say that your being brought in on this case was not my idea.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : You are too modest.
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : There is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh, and this is not one of them.
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : Yes, well, life is not all shoot-shoot, bang-bang, you know.
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : [parachuting out of a plane] Kurosawa!
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : My face! You've stolen my face! Give me back my face, you fiend!
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : I shall let that pass, since you cannot possibly know whose leg it is that you are pushing.
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Reporter : Could you give us a statement please?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : Yes. Chocolate makes one very thirsty.
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : I ruin everything I touch.
Lt. Lisa Morrel : Hey, what's the matter with you?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : [close to tears] Arrested twice, I destroy a phone booth at a railroad station... I steal from a nun, I don't know my own face. A man comes up to me with, with my own face tied on, I don't recognize who it is. I don't... I don't deserve to have this autographed picture of Sean Connery!
[takes a picture from back pocket and tears it apart]
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Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite : You must trust no one. The viper in our bosom could be anyone.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : I suspect everyone!
Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite : You will report only to me.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : And what makes you think I trust you?
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : And now since we are becoming so chummy, perhaps you can tell me about the Great Train Robbery.
Addison Steele : I don't know nothing!
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : He who don't know nothing, must know something, eh?
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Meg : Do you know something about machinery?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : I don't know something about machinery, I know everything about machinery.
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Lt. Lisa Morrel : Hey, what about the crooks?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : The crooks never sleep and neither does Clouseau.
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Police despatcher : [on police radio] That's our final report. Over and out.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau : Roger and goodbye.
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : [shouting] You'll soon be laughing at the other side of my face, my friend!
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Inspector Jacques Clouseau : Anonymity is a virtue. Every fool knows that. Anonymity's next to cleanliness and I don't have to tell you what that's next to.