The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)

Anthony Newley: Captain Manzini

Photos 

Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Captain Manzini : [to Dodger, as the kids leave]  Perhaps it would have been safer to lock them away from the world. But as you've taught me, Dodger, you can't change the world by locking yourself away from it.

• Captain Manzini : Did you get the blood of a toad and the eye of a newt?

  Dodger : Nope. The pet shop's out of unicorns, too.

  Captain Manzini : No wonder there's no magic in the world today. You can't get the ingredients.

• Dodger : [starting work unloading a crate]  Do you sell much of this stuff? We've only had two customers and they didn't buy anything.

  Captain Manzini : Patience is a bitter vine, dear Dodger, but it bears sweet fruit.

  Dodger : Huh?

  Captain Manzini : That's from the Greek. It loses a little something in translation. Now, let's add a little sparkle to our merchandise.

  [hands Dodger a feather duster] 

  Captain Manzini : Funny people should call this junk, isn't it? When every piece is a diary of the human spirit.

  [holds book, looks at inside cover] 

  Captain Manzini : Take this, for instance. "To my darling Mary, from Herbert." This is more than a book. It's a testimony to love.

  Dodger : [holds up teddy bear]  And this?

  Captain Manzini : Ah, did the child who slept with this grow up to shake the world?

  Dodger : [hands Manzini a fold-out fan]  Tell me about this, Captain Manzini

  Captain Manzini : Ah, an early form of air conditioning.

  [waves folded-out fan in Dodger's face] 

  Captain Manzini : Also, a tool of romance. It could beckon...

  [holds fan up to own face and waves toward it] 

  Captain Manzini : ... or rebuff.

  [folds up fan, taps Dodger on the shoulder with it] 

  Dodger : Did you ever get beckoned?

  Captain Manzini : Yes. I also got rebuffed. But like me, this is a relic from a simpler age, when good and bad was black-and-white. And a man could settle all his differences with one of these.

  [holds up fencing sword, hands it to Dodger] 

  Captain Manzini : Then some damn fool invented gunpowder, and a bigger damn fool split the atom. That's when I decided to leave mankind to it's folly and retire here. Into this world of memories

• Captain Manzini : [handing Dodger something to replace his dirty clothes]  Here, try this on.

  Dodger : A dress?

  Captain Manzini : Only to western eyes. This is a dashiki, given to me by the great African leader Um-Tuh-Tuh, in gratitude for making his mother-in-law disappear.

  Dodger : You were in Africa?

  Captain Manzini : Actually, I was on my way back from Egypt. I was doing a split week, Cleveland and Cairo. But that's a long story.

• Captain Manzini : [coming up with a spell to get the kids back in the garbage pail]  "Rats and thunder, wind and hail \ Send the kids back in the pail."

  [it fails to work] 

  Captain Manzini : I don't understand it. It's your basic Mary Poppins and it's not working.