- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: Why even the Declaration of Independence only guaranties life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It doesn't say anything about fair. Doesn't even say you have the right to be happy. Just to pursue it.
- Female Caller: But no one appreciates me, and I try to be fair, and they don't...
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: Get down off the cross honey, somebody needs the wood!
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: Money is made to be spent. What goods it doin' in the bottom of my panty drawer?
- Jack Russell: [During the seduction scene he drops her bra] Holy Moley!
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: Is that all you can say?
- Jack Russell: [softer and slower] Holy Moley!
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: [Giggles]
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: [Scene cuts to them lying in bed] Holy Moley!
- Valet: [Arrives with her car keys] You're the pink Mercedes?
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: No, I'm Shirlee Kenyon. I drive a pink Mercedes.
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: Its like you're allergic to cornflakes so you start to buy different stuff like a can of peas but when you open up the can of the peas, inside cornflakes, so you pick a TV dinner and open it up and cornflakes.
- Jack Russell: So what does that mean?
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: The girls you go out with... outside all different packages but inside... cornflakes.
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: I'm returning the car. It came with the job.
- Gordon: Wherever you go you'll need a car.
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: Nobody needs a 60 thousand dollar car. Besides, I'm not really a Mercedes, I'm just a plain ol' Pontiac... maybe a Chevy.
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: How's your daughter?
- Phil: She's back in school and doing really well thanks to you, Dr. Shirlee.
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: I'm just Shirlee now.
- Phil: What?
- 'Dr.' Shirlee Kenyon: I'm just Shirlee now!