- Zoey: [while watching Cybill do a scene in her unfunny sitcom] I would laugh harder at my own autopsy.
- Maryann Thorpe: [spying on her ex-husband and singing to the tune of "I've Been Workin' On The Railroad"] The eyes of Maryann are on you, all the live long day/You hired a lawyer and divorced me, but you can't get away.
- Zoey: It's like I'm roasting on a spit in hell, and you two are there with chefs hats and barbeque tongs.
- [Cybill is talking about how she gave up a major role in "The Godfather"]
- Cybill Sheridan: I could have had Diane Keaton's part, but I gave it up for a role in a major motion picture starring... ABBA.
- [grimaces]
- Kevin Blanders: Oh that's right! Emasculate me! C'mon!
- Rachel Blanders: It's *always* about your penis, isn't it?
- Backup Singers: [to a Samba beat, as Cybil dances and sexily holds two large coconuts in front of her] Coconuts, coconuts, co- co- co- coconuts.