Mad TV (1995–2016)
Stephnie Weir: Various, Dr. Kylie Johnson, Bree Van De Kamp
Photos
Quotes
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Aunt Noreen : Happy Birthday, Stuart! Do you remember which aunt I am?
Stuart Larkin : The alcoholic?
Aunt Noreen : No...
Stuart Larkin : The one who lives with her "FRIEND", Linda?
Aunt Noreen : No...
Stuart Larkin : Then you must be the ugly one.
Doreen Larkin : Stuart, apologize to your Aunt Noreen!
Stuart Larkin : I'm sorry you're ugly.
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Dot : Look how little my gloves are!
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Dot : I learned a secret in school: lmnop isn't one letter, it's like - seven or ten!
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Dr. Kylie : If you married Darth Vader, you would be Ella Vader.
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Mrs. Campbell : Now see, that is why I never did buy a gun is because I just don't think shooting yourself sounds like any fun!
Man : Lady, I didn't do it on purpose.
Mrs. Campbell : You didn't? Well, now, let me ask you a question... do you have a television?
Man : Yes.
Mrs. Campbell : Have you ever seen this TV show? It's called "The News"...?
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Dot : My dream is to go swimming in my Hallowe'en costume.
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[in a remake of the Helen Keller movie]
Helen's Caretaker : Helen, your new teacher is here. Oh I forgot, you're deaf.
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Mrs. Campbell : That is so awful for your father to be dying of cancer. It's just horrible. Now... can I ask you a question? Was he a smoker?
Daughter : Um, yes. Yes, he was.
Mrs. Campbell : Well then I just don't understand how he could be surprised. I mean it says it right there on the side of the box, doesn't it? "Smoking Causes Cancer." I know 'cause I've seen it on there. Now... can I ask you a question? Can your father read?
Daughter : Of course he can read!
Mrs. Campbell : Well, I just thought maybe he was illiterate and that was why he was surprised when he got cancer. Because it does say right there on the box...
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Anna Nicole Smith : [in reference to her chest] Do you like Mama's meatbags baby?
Anna's Son : Mom?
Anna Nicole Smith : You get old enough I'm gonna letcha touch em'
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Girl in Tow Truck : I'm an only child, and I always wanted to be a part of a big family.
Depressed Persian Tow Truck Man : Then you are stupid.