- Quinn Mallory: [season one monologue/opening] What if you could find brand new worlds right here on Earth? Where anything is possible. Same planet, different dimension. I've found the gateway.
- Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: [after coffee is spilt all over him] Drink it, don't carry it, you idiot!
- Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: That scoundrel! That intellectually impoverished knave wanted me to win his Nobel for him. As you can see, I told him nothing!
- [points to sour looking face chalked on blackboard]
- Quinn Mallory: [season three opening monologue] What if you found a portal to a parallel universe? What if you could Slide into a thousand different worlds? Where it's the same year, and you're the same person, but everything else is different. And what if you can't find your way home?
- Quinn Mallory: [season two opening monologue] What if you could travel to parallel worlds? The same year, the same Earth, only different dimensions. A world where the Russians rule America... or where your dreams of being superstar came true... or where San Francisco was a maximum-security prison. My friends and I found the gateway. Now the problem is... finding a way back home.
- [a group of Amish-dressed people are coming to attack Colin Mallory]
- Quinn Michael Mallory: Great! We're gonna get beat up by the cast of Witness!
- Rembrandt 'Crying Man' Brown: [season five opening monologue] What if you found a portal to a parallel universe? What if you could Slide into a thousand different worlds? Where it's the same year, and you're the same person, buy everything else is different. And what if you can't find your way home?
- Rembrandt Lee "Crying Man" Brown: I didn't mind killing him. I might have a twinge of guilt about killing you, but then again, maybe not.