The Pretender (1996–2000)
Michael T. Weiss: Jarod
Photos
Quotes
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Miss Parker : Why did you save my life?
Jarod : Because I still remember the little girl who gave me my first kiss.
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Jarod : Love transcends death. The people we love touch our lives, even after they're gone.
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Jarod : Karma. Ain't it a bitch?
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Miss Parker : Maybe I should send you to every Y.M.C.A. in the country first. Or lock you in the Bates Motel with Sydney and Broots.
Jarod : This is about that strip search in Las Vegas, isn't it?
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Jarod : [after asking the foreman about the sulfuric chloride] One more question.
Foreman : Shoot.
Jarod : Valentine's Day. Specifically cupid.
Foreman : Yeah.
Jarod : A corpulent infant, who happens to be an archer, goes around shooting arrows into people and suddenly they're in love?
Foreman : That's about it.
Jarod : And to show that they love, people buy each other chocolate and other sweets? Do they want to be fat, like the infant?
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Dr. Jason Earl : Jarod, why don't you tell the group what brought you here?
Jarod : A large cop with bad breath.
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Jarod : I want to know who I am. And I'd rather die trying to find out than live not knowing.
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Claire : Jarod, if you ever wanta get together, pick each other's brains, little one-on-one...
Jarod : Careful Claire, don't cross a line you can't come back from.
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Jarod : Here you go. Breakfast.
Young Jarod : That isn't wheat grass and tomato juice.
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Jarod : Trust your inner sense, Miss Parker. I do.
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[Miss Parker's phone rings at 3:44 a.m., waking her up]
Miss Parker : What?
Jarod : Oh, I intentially wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless 'what'?
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Jarod : You can only be a jinx if you believe in luck.
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Jarod : You make the rules.
Miss Parker : That's just the way I like it.
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Isaac Dexter : So, how long have you been a lawyer?
Jarod : About... seven minutes.
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Jarod : [about Kyle whose heart was transplanted into a young boy after his death] Good for you, little brother. Good for you.
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Claire : The superior mind always has a way out: a tiny little door marked 'exit.'
Jarod : Well maybe it's time to run for it.
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Tom Matthews : You up for a dogfight?
Jarod : Me? I was born for this moment.
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Isaac Dexter : Actually, I offer a very valuable service. You'd be surprised how many cab drivers won't pick up a man in a dress.
Jarod : Really? Why?
Isaac Dexter : The truth is, I'd like to offer my services as your personal chauffeur.
Jarod : No kidding! That's great! Now, you're sure you have a driver's license?
Isaac Dexter : Don't worry, boss. You're in good hands. And I promise to be the perfect lady.
Man, off camera : Hey, baby!
Isaac Dexter : Up yours, pal!
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Jarod : [referring to the champagne Miss Parker is drinking] That isn't good for your ulcer.
Miss Parker : Neither are you.