- Narrator: When you're a gay man, you have to feel good about yourself when a urologist says, 'Yeah. I pick you.'
- [first lines]
- Charley: [chasing Mamie] Wait! Wait!
- Woman Driver: [hits Mamie] My God! Oh my God! Oh my God! I didn't see her! I didn't see her!
- Charley: Oh my God!
- Woman Driver: Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't see her!
- Charley: Do you have a cell? Call 911!
- Woman Driver: Oh God.
- Passerby: Hey, is she all right?
- Charley: I don't know.
- Woman Driver: [on phone] 911? Yes, hurry, we need an ambulance quick.
- Title Card: She's not dead. / No one dies in this movie, not on-screen. It's a comedy, sort of.
- Jude: Nothing comes off the money you're gonna get 30 years from now when your dad dies from too much sex. You don't have to call me mom - all the time.
- [to Alvin and Bill on Otis being gay and a drummer]
- Miles: Why do think he's a drummer? So he can stare at our asses all night.