Fat Albert (2004)

Bill Cosby: Bill Cosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bill Cosby : [after hearing a knock at his door]  Oh, people wait till you get to the top of the stairs, then they knock. Who is it?

  Fat Albert : It's Fat Albert.

  Bill Cosby : Yeah, right.

  [Cosby answers the door, finds Fat Albert on his doorstep] 

  Fat Albert : Hello. I'm looking for Mr. Cosby. Are you his dad?

  [holds out his hand] 

  Fat Albert : I'm... I'm Fat Albert.

  [Cosby faints and Fat Albert catches him] 

  Fat Albert : Whoa! Uh... Help! He--!

  [cut to Cosby's study; Cosby holds an ice pack to his head; Fat Albert stands over him] 

  Fat Albert : I'm sorry, Mr. Cosby. I didn't mean to startle you. You OK?

  Bill Cosby : No, no, it's all right, son.

  [stands up] 

  Bill Cosby : Thank you. My boy, how did you get into this predicament?

  Fat Albert : Well, I crawled out of the TV set.

  Bill Cosby : Crawled out of the TV set? Well, how? How?

  Fat Albert : I crawled out because I heard her crying.

  Bill Cosby : Who's you heard?

  Fat Albert : Well, I heard Doris. She was sitting on the couch, and she was crying.

  Bill Cosby : Doris who?

  Fat Albert : Doris Robertson.

  Bill Cosby : Doris Robertson?

  Fat Albert : Yeah.

  Bill Cosby : Do you know where they live?

  Fat Albert : North Philly.

  Bill Cosby : [groans]  Albert Robertson... is Doris Robertson's grandfather. He died some time ago. I designed your character after Albert Robertson. And you heard her spirit, and you crawled through the set?

  Fat Albert : I guess so.

  Bill Cosby : Well, that's just fine, son. All you have to do is, you just crawl back into the set...

  Fat Albert : I don't want to...

  Bill Cosby : ...we're ready. "Hey, hey, hey!"

  Fat Albert : Yeah, hey, hey, hey, but I want to stay.

  Bill Cosby : Oh-ho-ho, no, you can't do that. See, you're a cartoon. You're a cartoon and you have your fellas waiting for you to do more stories. Your fans are waiting to see you on TV so you can solve problems.

  Fat Albert : Well, I don't want to go back in there.

  Bill Cosby : What do you mean? You ca...

  Fat Albert : No, I want to stay here, in the real world.

  Bill Cosby : You can't stay out here. You stay out here, you're gonna turn into celluloid dust.

  [Fat Albert looks shocked] 

• Bill Cosby : Albert Robertson... is Doris Robertson's grandfather. He died some time ago. I designed your character after Albert Robertson.