Married... with Children (TV Series)
Dial 'B' for Virgin (1994)
David Faustino: Bud Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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Bud Bundy : Hello, you're on the Virgin Hotline. This is your counselor, eh... Eugene.
Kelly Bundy : [On phone] Hi, my name is Isis J. Blowupdoll, and my boyfriend, Bud, hasn't been able to keep his hands off me ever since I came out of the box. Now, should I try to stay firm or just explode and go to pieces?
Bud Bundy : Yeah, very funny, Kel, but don't let me keep you. I'm sure the trucker paid for the WHOLE hour.
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Bud Bundy : Well, with self-esteem intact, I'm gonna get ready for my orientation now. Kelly...
Kelly Bundy : Mm-hmm?
Bud Bundy : Would you be so kind as to insult me up the stairs, please?
Kelly Bundy : Mmm. My pleasure. Now, when people call up, do you merely talk them out of sex or do you send them a picture of yourself and scare the pants back on them?
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Bud Bundy : [on the phone] Virgin Hotline.
Kelly Bundy : [with a deep voice] Hi, this is Buck. I'm wearing nothing but my fur. I miss you, Bud. I miss our special times together.
[pants]
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Bud Bundy : [reads the name off a slip of paper] Esther. With a name like that, I should have brought a chew toy.
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Bud Bundy : So... a virgin, huh?
Esther : I just can't tell you how tough it is today for a woman to maintain her chastity. Every single girl I know is just preoccupied with sex. They'll have it with anyone, anywhere, anytime.
Bud Bundy : Really? Well, if you just give me their names, their photos, and their phone numbers, I'll get to the bottom of them... I mean... I mean "of it", the bottom of it.
Esther : [comes forward to sit up close] No, Bud, please don't leave before my mother gets home. If I take my eyes off you, I know I'll get all horny again.
Bud Bundy : [drily] I'm glad to be of service.
Esther : Can I get you something to drink?
Bud Bundy : You got anything, uh...
[looks down her blouse]
Bud Bundy : fresh-squeezed?
Esther : I'll see.
[gets up to fix refreshments]
Esther : I'm real sorry to drag you out on a Friday night like this, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate an organization like yours, Bud. I don't understand what's wrong with the world. Everywhere you look, temptation.
[Esther bends over to get something from the cupboard, giving Bud a tempting view]
Bud Bundy : Zima guy, Zima guy. No, no, I mean, I mean, I mean, Roseanne, Roseanne.