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Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (2016)
Jack Reacher and the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
I was never one of those people who carped on Tom Cruise being the Halloween miniature candy bar version of Jack Reacher. He may not have had the physical stature of his literary counterpart, but he pulled off the job convincingly enough to make even Lee Child happy. The first movie had a lean, stripped down feel to it, and everything from the fight scenes (which were short and sweet as per Jack Reacher's style), to the obligatory car chase (which is one of the best I've seen it any movie) felt like they could have come right off the pages of one of the novels. This movie pairs Reacher with Cobie Smulders, (in full Marvel superhero mode) and an AAF teenager, both of whom relegate Reacher to a third wheel in his own movie. There is nothing in this sad affair that lives up to its predecessor. If the quality jumped from a 10 in the first movie to a two in this one, let's hope Tom Cruise never puts on Jack Reacher's shoes again!
Suits (2011)
It ran out of steam four seasons before it ended!
I'm the beginning, the characters and storylines crackled, the danger was palpable and the personal interactions felt real. Then the stories became convoluted and labyrinthine and the personal interactions devolved into people walking into each other's offices and yelling and making grand speeches. Every line became a knockout punch and, instead of characters, we got charicatures. People did things that they would NEVER do, except to set up a future conflict of some sort. Seeing people at each other's throats, constantly trying to undercut and backstab each other wears thin. It all got very tiring!
Billions (2016)
Seasons 1 and 2 are acting classes, then, cringe city!
Like a champion sprinter stuck in a marathon, the beginning was breathtaking, but it quickly runs out of steam and falls flat. The fatal blow comes in season two, with the introduction of the dreaded "Mary Sue" character in the body of Taylor Mason, a non-binary they/them who emerged from the womb superior in every way to Bobby Axlerod, who has been in the trenches for decades. Once she does the inevitable "et tu brute?" and stabs Axe in the back, the show devolves into nothing more than Taylor and Axe trying, with every deal they make, to do maximum damage to each other and anyone in their orbits. Seriously, the everyday running of their respective firms goes out the window and it devolves into a no-holds cage match...boring and repetitive. In addition, the dialog becomes too clever for it's own good, which leads to characters spitting out movie dialog lines and references about fifty times an episode! I'm only on season four now, but each change or character addition only increases the cringe level. A prime example is Ari Spyros who, every time he appears on screen, makes me want to throw the remote through my screen! He is a horrible caricature who is so over the top and annoying that he grinds everything to halt. The Bobby Axlerod in seasons 1 or 2 would have ground somebody like that under his heel and never looked back, but he becomes a full-time employee and somewhat trusted advisor. I'll keep plodding along, watching this disaster unfold, but I don't foresee it getting any better!
Spy (2015)
Better than it has any right to be!
My wife talked me into watching this because of Melissa McCarthy's performance in Bridesmaids. She had to drag me, kicking and screaming, especially after I saw that Paul Feige not only directed it, but wrote it! After seeing what he did to Ghostbusters 2016, I had NO CONFIDENCE that this would be even close to being watchable. Man, was I wrong! The balance between serious and absurd is just right. The cast is top notch, with Jude Law playing the suave international spy and Jason Statham, playing hilariously against type as a caricature of his usual "human weapon" schtick. Everyone hits all the right notes and the plot could have been lifted right out of a James Bond movie. Give it a chance and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
Terriers (2010)
Makes me madder everytime I watch it!
This show was a one season wonder. Why? I have no idea! It was a critical darling, and you can see by the viewer ratings that the people on the other side of the TV loved it. It infuriates me that FX was so quick to pull the plug on a well acted, well written buddy detective show. The chemistry between the two leads jumped off the screen and all the supporting characters for their roles like a glove. The whole affair had an easy-going Rockford Files vibe. The story, while convoluted (like all decent detective stories) is never so dense that the viewer gets lost or loses interest. The real kick in the crotch is that it ends with a cliffhanger, that, and the fact that, in the last episode, we get introduced by a mastermind of a antagonist, played by Neal McDonough, who would have put in another memorable performance (see Justified for a great example). Back in 2021 there were whispers about reviving the series, but the twin main actors may have aged out of the parts and I wouldn't want to see it rebooted with replacements. Bad form FX...bad form!
The Night Agent (2023)
A good, serviceable espionage tale
All the standard spy caper tropes are solidly in place, but they're played without quips, over the top cartoon action or overwrought melodrama. The eye rolling moments are kept to a minimum and people act like I would think real people would react under the given set of circumstances. I'm three episodes in so far and it's still holding my interest. I have seen a few of the higher brow espionage movies and they seem dull as dirt. They may be closer to what being a spy is actually like, but who wants to watch hours of clandestine meetings in dark alleyways? So far, I don't really feel like I'm being beaten over the head with any social agendas or woke messaging. Unless things go seriously south, my current rating will stand. If they do, I'll be back to revise it.
The Killer (2023)
Such a slow burn that it never fails to generate any heat.
This is the standard "hitman procedural" that we've all seen done a dozen times before into much better effect. You get your standard allotment of shadowing the victim, preparing the plan, assembling the weapons, Forward by the cold dispatch of the intended target. And just so things don't get too boring, which they still do, they throw in the occasional messy hit where fisticuffs and martial arts moves come in handy. To be honest, this one hand to hand fight is the only thing that rose above a standard paint by numbers, connect the dots, "hitman on a mission" movie tropes. It's a good thing this was released on Netflix, because it would have died a quick death at the cinema.
Fringe: Wallflower (2011)
Another expendable episode.
The best episodes of Fringe deal with the story arc having to do with the multi-universe, the observers and "the pattern". Several of the episodes that are standalone in nature would simply lift out without affecting the structure at all. These are usually the least effective episodes, filled with plot holes, lazy writing and main characters acting inconsistently with their established behavior. This is one of those episodes. It's easy to spot these episodes based on how many times you roll your eyes and mutter "oh, come on!" under your breath. For example, Olivia and a group of other officers are searching a building for a deadly suspect. Out of nowhere, she says "this is taking too long let's split up!", at which point the group of agents splits off, leaving Olivia to search by herself. This leads, of course, to the eventual fight and suspect capture. Eye roll.
Loudermilk (2017)
The show was barely treading water, then the liberals tossed it a brick!
My wife and I started watching this show because we're big fans of Ron Livingston and the work he did in Office Space and Band Of Brothers. We also love Brian Regan and Will Sasso, so that caught our attention immediately. The thing that drove it home was the fact that the Farrelly brothers were involved. The three aforementioned leads made the show bearable even when the jokes turned out to be more groaners than laughers. In true Farrelly brothers form, the rest of the cast is made up of unknown, average Joe actors without a lick of talent or screen presence between the whole lot. As the title suggests, the scripts were peppered with liberal talking points and shots across the bow of conservatives, but then again, with the show being set in Seattle, I guess that was to be expected. What really turned me off was hearing a full-blown lecture about the 20% pay disparity between men and women, even though that's been shown to be a widely discredited argument. If you want to flick spitballs at me in the middle of entertaining me, I can excuse that, but a straight on liberal indoctrination session I will not sit through. Three stars for the three stars of the show.
The Nice Guys (2016)
Stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID!
If you saw this movie and you thought it was quirky, clever and a laugh a minute...congratulations, you're one of the nimrods Hollywood keeps producing this garbage for! What is the highest amount that you've asked yourself "why the heck did they do that?" while watching a movie? Multiply that by about ten and you'll get an idea of how I passed my time during this movies (seemingly) six hour run time. You've got two fine actors tied up in a plethora of sad, stupid coincidences, half-baked quips, annoying side characters and one of those precocious teen girls that you'd somehow like to see her shot in the face...or at least the kneecap. I felt dumber for having watched it.
Perry Mason (2020)
Oh HBO...you just couldn't help yourself!
Season one was a real pressure cooker, filled with intrigue, violence, adultery and murder... everything you'd expect in a good film noir period piece. Matthew Rhys, fresh off his role as an all-Ameican Russian spy in The Americans, inhabits the skin of Perry Mason like a tailored suit. But HBO has to tinker, pulling an early 20th century story, kicking and screaming into modern day and shoehorning 21st century sensibilities into the framework whether they fit or not. First off, Paul Drake has been race-swapped, which is a non issue, because Chris Chalk is amazing in his role, cool and controlled on the outside yet burning with intensity inside. But they didn't stop there. Now, Della Street is a lesbian and Hamilton Burger is her gay confidant. It's getting tiresome and serves absolutely no purpose within the story, except to check a social justice item off of the list. If it weren't for this blatant pandering, I would have rated the series much higher.
Heartland (2007)
It would have to get WAAAAAY better to be a Hallmark movie!
Does beautiful scenery and the presence of horses raise the level of a show from a one star to ten? Apparently a lot of viewers think so. My wife and I started watching this because of the high rating and, within ten minutes, I knew this was one that she was going to be finishing on her own. She can do these Hallmark kind of shows. Me? Not at all! The acting isn't even soap opera quality. The opening truck crash sequence, which sets up the rest of the series, I guess, is shot with all the finesse of a first year film student, and a failing one at that. Don't get me wrong, a show doesn't have to have explosions and car chases to be out-of-this-world awesome (Ted Lasso anyone?), but it should meet at least a minimum quality requirement. This one...does not.
Ted Lasso (2020)
This show is all heart...great big, loving heart!
I can't wait for each new episode of Ted Lasso because it REALLY makes the world brighter! Not since the sixties has a show existed that wears it's heart so unashamedly on it's sleeve. Jason Sudekis doesn't seem to be so much acting a character as inhabiting his skin. The spiritual highs in this show are so authentic, that when it does have a dramatic moment, it his like a hammer...and there WILL be tears. The writing and acting, even in the smallest roles, is sharp and well defined, like ingredients in a fine dish. Remove one, and the absence is palatable. When the characters are friends, you feel like they are actually friends, and when you hate a character...you really HATE THEM! Season three was supposed to be the finale, but a glimmer of hope has come over the horizon and I've heard rumors of a fourth! If they can maintain the quality, I would watch through season ten! Job well done Jason Sudekis, Brendan Hunt and AppleTV+
UPDATE:
It took eight seasons for Game Of Thrones to go from "must see TV" to "must forget it ever existed TV"...Ted Lasso did it in three. At some point, one (or more) of the writers decided to make half the cast gay, throw in a mystery pregnancy, some racist vandalism and suck out all the humor and goodwill built up in the first two seasons...then *BANG* you've got yourself a dumpster fire! So many people lauded the show for finally having some "representation", you know...LIKE EVERY OTHER SHOW ON TV. With one stroke of a pen, the writers turned the show from something that wasn't like anything else, to something that's like everything else. Sad.
Spirited (2022)
The Christmas version of La La Land
This thing was all sizzle and no substance, a tired retelling of A Christmas Carol just packed to the gills with forgettable songs and generic dance numbers. If they were going for a Christmas classic, they missed by a mile because there was no heart beating in the chest of this monster, just sly quips and asides. It's trying to be too cool for its own good, with both Ferrell and Reynolds regurgitating the same old chops we've seen a dozen times before, adding nothing new or fresh. The Christmas classics mentioned earlier may seem simple, maybe even maudlin by today's standards, but that makes them all the more heartfelt. I couldn't discern anything heartfelt in this movie, just contrived and calculated to elicit an "emotional" response.
Kevin Can F**k Himself (2021)
"You just don't get it!"
"This is supposed to be lame", "The laugh track is supposed to be annoying', "It's a take-off on sitcoms" Oh I see...I guess this show is so funny that it's NOT funny...I see it now! I guess I'm just so old fashioned that I expected good writing, good performances and for the show...we'll...just not to suck. I just feel so sorry for Annie Murphy, going from Schitt's Creek to this.
Grey's Anatomy (2005)
Nineteen seasons...of THIS?
This show is melodrama at its lowest and most manipulative. It rises to the level of a middling soap opera, but never above it. The voiceover narration is a stylistic choice I guess, but not a very good one since the narrator isn't very interesting or has anything interesting to say. I'm still early on in this blah blah blah and, reading all the one star review saying that it goes woke and political, I think I'll bail on this dreck now instead of investing any more time in it.
The Gray Man (2022)
I was happy when it ended!
This movie started off okay, some clever dialog, some good action scenes still grounded in reality, (you know, where Newton's laws still apply), and some very creative camera angles. Then, as usually happens, it turned into a Roadrunner/Wilie Coyote cartoon. Humans became superhumans, injuries, no matter how numerous and serious, never slowed our protagonist and one man bested armies. This was so bad...I GUARANTEE a sequel!
The Boys (2019)
From a ten down to a three
Season three...and the bottom falls out! Any kind of thoughtful plot and character development goes right out the window and we're left careening from one gross-out moment to the next. Oh yeah...then there's THE MESSAGE! In this season it's laid on thicker than the blood and guts. More rainbows than a bag of Skittles and some anti-second amendment dreck thrown in for extra cringe. They say that these streaming shows usually jump the shark in four or five seasons...this one seems to be an early bloomer. I'm sure that the Grand Theft Auto, basement dwelling crowd will be wetting their pants over this season, but I prefer entertainment with a plot a little deeper than a video game.
All the Old Knives (2022)
A slow burn labyrinth.
I almost didn't watch this movie because of the low rating, but MAN I'm glad I did! The plot is full of twists and turns and the dialogue is spot on, but if you're watching it while you're surfing on your phone you WILL get lost...guaranteed! There is fantastic chemistry between Chris Pine and Thandiwe Newton and the romantic sections of the film never becomes overly syrupy or maudlin. The twist endings (yes, there are a couple) flow logically, which makes them all the more heartbreaking. Many of the critiques of this movie claim that it's dreadfully slow and boring. As the title of this review indicates it is a slow burn, eschewing explosions and car chases for character development and story complexity. What the dialogue doesn't communicate, facial expressions do...something you can't get while the camera is jiggling back and forth during a fight or swooping around during a car chase. While the two main leads are riveting, the fringe characters are also well written and fantastically acted. This was a streaming movie that I could honestly say I would have gladly seen in a theater.
Wrath of Man (2021)
What prepubescent basement dweller wrote this dialog?
In the spirit of full disclosure, I only it lasted ten minutes into this...I guess you'd call it a "movie"? I found it hard to believe that someone actually got paid to put this collection of words together. Really, the dialog was just so pedestrian and full of lines that someone somewhere thought were clever...but they were WRONG! I went into the whole thing because Guy Ritchie's name was on it, but that didn't make it worth watching.
The Adam Project (2022)
He's not going to be cute forever!
Mr. Reynolds had better start choosing his projects more carefully (or have someone else choose them if this is the best he can do). His stinkers are starting to outweigh his quality work by quite a margin, and minus his abs and charisma, would be nothing but flaming piles of cinema. I really like Ryan as an actor, but this movie is a standard connect the dots, "going through the motions" affair with bland, unconvincing performances. I'm not even a casual time travel theorist, but this plot seems to be problematic in so many ways. Throw in some splashy special effects, a non-threatening villain, and tie it up with a pretty ribbon of a happy ending and you've got this movie...or the Free Guy, or The Proposal,or Red Notice, or The Hitman's Wife's Body Guard, or...you get the idea.
Turning Red (2022)
They did it! Disney ruined Pixar!
There is NOTHING about this movie that says Pixar! The story, the animation, the writing and the voice acting are every bit annoying and not at all endearing or clever. Cocoa was a celebration of a culture, this is just hard core pandering! They couldn't even commit to a accurate depiction of Asians, settling instead for some non-descript, pudgy people with black hair. The protagonists transformation into a red panda just...happens...with no attempt at an explanation. Also, for some reason, the red panda is eight feet tall! Another thing, this story is specifically targeted at adolescent girls, something Pixar usually tries to avoid, aiming instead at a broader audience with something to appeal to adults as well as children. I can only assume that the high ratings are from those people who cheer the co-opting and destruction of any popular or established franchise. Let's hope this is an unfortunate hiccup.
Queen: Mercury Rising (2011)
Less Eric Hall!
This documentary was five star, at best, relying on just a few talking heads to tell the whole story of this fabled band. A bunch of clips and still pictures and VERY few actual interviews with surviving band members, make this "one to miss". I knocked three stars off for the overwhelming amount of input by Eric Hall. A little bit of Eric goes a loooooong way, bubbala!
My Fair Lady (1964)
Did NOT age well!
My wife and I watched this just shortly after we watched Singin' In The Rain...what a HUGE difference! Singin' In The Rain is still an enjoyable watch 70 years after it was released. This movie was a chore to watch and a literal assault on the ears. It was if the director thought he was directing on Broadway and required the actors to shout their dialog so that it could be heard at the back of the theater. Add to that a slew of regrettable English accents (from the Dick VanDyke school of cockney tomfoolery) and easily forgettable musical numbers, and you have a film that most modern day audiences will have trouble making it through. I know I did!
Imposters (2017)
I just don't care enough.
I've seen shows where you root for the bad guy, but for that to be effective, they have to be a bad guy you LIKE! These people are all so plastic and superficial, and the dialog so measured and calculated that they leave me cold. Uma Thurmond provides some entertainment value, doing her best Winston Wolfe, but even that starts to wear thin in the span of two episodes. I suspected a lot of future plot developments and (I admit I read plot reviews with spoilers) I got them all right! Maybe it will get better, but I'll never know because I won't be there to see it.