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Reviews
Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017)
Painful.
Oh, good lord, where to begin? This was honestly, as the title says, painful to watch. The first problem is the plot's gotten even more ridiculous. There's a Shark God, and a... vortex sharknado? And everybody dies at the end so they can throw in time-travel?? No wonder they're called The Asylum; this is madness! The second problem is the references. Counting B-lister cameos, pop culture bits, and shameless plugs, it tallies up at least 100. I counted. Three or four is cute, but over one-hundred is just selling out. The third problem is they've gotten worse on purpose. Nothing's improved. If anything, it's de-proved! And the fact that they're still getting away with making these as unfunny and stupid as possible makes me angry. At first, this franchise was so bad it's good. I actually kind of enjoyed the first two movies... but now, it's so bad it's awful: a mutant level of bad. It isn't funny, it isn't clever, it's just honest-to-God painful.
Don't waste your money on this abomination. I guarantee by the end you'll be writhing on the shattered remains of your TV.