1/10
Better left alone. (spoilers)
1 August 2004
The Last House on the Left is allegedly based on a true story about the brutal murder of two teenage girls by escaped convicts out in the boonies.

Basically, this movie is two parts. The first are the scenes leading up to and including the rape, torture, and murder of the girls by the four convicts. Sitting through this and watching about an hour of two girls getting raped and beaten and stabbed and forced to perform humiliating acts was not my idea of entertainment. I'd never want to be in a situation like this, let alone want to watch it. Sure, there are certain things in horror movies, but this is more like Wes Craven's attempt at amateur snuff. All we watch is the act of the convicts eliminating the girls, who they've taken out into the woods somewhere. It's really disgusting, and nothing else happens. It's not even like a horror movie and it's really sick to sit through. What was the point of exploiting brutal murders like that for cheesy entertainment?

If that weren't bad enough, the rest of the movie is just awful. I know, it's 1972, and Wes Craven was not yet in his prime (pre-Nightmare on Elm Street), but this is bad even by bad horror movie standards. For one thing, the disgusting scenes of the girl's rape and murders are somehow celebrated with happy folk music. When the attackers all gather around one of the girls, including a scene where one of the attackers starts pulling intestines from the girl's wounds, they finish and all stand around looking at each other while some weepy song plays with lyrics about being ostracized from the world. What the hell is that?

Then, there's these interspersed scenes of these two stupid Keystone cop types who might've been able to intervene somehow, but ignored that suspicious looking car parked out by the road. The scenes with the two stupid cops are funny, and the music is like banjo work that accompanies old silent film slapstick comedy. Where were the filmmakers going with this? In one scene, we'll be watching a girl getting stabbed to death, and then the next scene is the two stupid cops running out of gas and having to hitch a ride on a chicken truck? Disgusting.

The finale is when the four attackers get their just deserts. With no help from the bumbling policeman, the parents of one of the girls, invites the four strangers into their home, thinking they're stranded traveling businesspeople. However, they soon learn that these are the people that killed their teenage daughter. So Mr. and Mrs. Suburbanite setup their house (and their attackers) for revenge. The ending is so drawn out and so completely stupid, it's not even funny.

This was really one completely worthless horror movie. What a waste of time.
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